'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' 6.23 – "I Guess This Is Goodbye"

Guest reviewer Chris Howard concludes his weekly reviews of Desperate Housewives' sixth season on Channel 4...

[SPOILERS] So here we are: the end of another year of quirky suburban drama on Wisteria Lane. Alas, despite adequately wrapping up the three major storylines which have kept us tuning in for the past 23 weeks (and beginning two new arcs ahead of autumn's seventh season premiere), this season finale failed to live up to the sum of its accumulative parts. It was the rough edges, the questionable conclusions and the sheer lack of plausibility which took me out of the Fairview-as-reality bubble and dumped me awkwardly in What-the-hell?-ville.

With son Danny's (Beau Mirchoff) life at risk and husband Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) in hospital, Angie Bolen (Drea De Matteo) is left with no choice but to make a second bomb for madman campaign terrorist Patrick Logan (John Barrowman). Patrick tells his ex-lover he plans to cause some damage in another county, however he really plans to hurt Angie by blowing up her son... who, lest we forget, is also his son, too. That's one extreme 20-year grudge he is holding, especially considering how well he and Danny bonded in the Coffee Cup...

Devoid of a plotline of her own, Gabrielle Solis's (Eva Longoria Parker) contribution to the episode came down to an OTT impression of Angie to release Nick from hospital (family members only), and a courageous mission to rescue Danny as Nick passes out and Angie and Patrick drive away. Will Gaby and Danny escape in time before Patrick reveals his bluff and sets off the bomb inside the Bolen's house? Well, no, but Patrick wasn't the only one bluffing: Angie has actually rigged the bomb in the detonator, leading Patrick to blow himself up. In his car. In the middle of the day. In the middle of the street. Subtle... but fear not; by the end of the episode neither a police officer nor panicked resident will investigate this horrendous (if karmic) murder, and people will be happily walking up and down Wisteria Lane on a calm, bright evening... see what I mean about the rough edges? How ridiculous.

So, the Bolen's nemesis is gone, but with the police and FBI still on their tail, the family set off once more: Nick and Angie separating from Danny and allowing him to follow girlfriend Ana (Maiara Walsh) to New York. Ahhhhh! I really will miss these guys -- although chances are at least Danny may return, if Ana ever visits her aunt and uncle.

With Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) onto Eddie Orlofsky's (Josh Zuckerman) murderous past, the killer has held the pregnant housewife hostage in his house, confused about what to do with a woman he deeply respects, but who knows too much... Predictably, the stress of the situation causes Lynette to go into labour, but with Eddie refusing to take her to the hospital, it is left up to the damaged lad to deliver a baby… From taking lives to delivering new ones -- how ironic (and totally far-fetched). What really takes the rusk, however, is when Eddie -- on the verge of leaving Fairview for a new start -- is persuaded by Lynette to turn himself into the police. Why? Because she told him she'd be proud of him. Seriously.

Throughout "I Guess This Is Goodbye", scenes set inside Fairview Hospital disclose that a years-old cover-up by dying former nurse Teresa Pruitt (Patricia McCormack) lead to a family on Wisteria Lane taking home the wrong child from the hospital. I was fully prepared for writer Alexandra Cunningham to reveal -- given the close bond between Lynette and Eddie, and the lad's frankly appalling start in life -- that young Master Orlofsky is in fact Master Scavo. However, it soon became clear that this is only the beginning of a much larger storyline, its presence in this episode to prematurely kick-start an arc for season seven. So, somebody's baby isn't really their own flesh-and-blood at all. Let the guessing game begin!

Meanwhile, Bree Van De Kamp (Marcia Cross) has made the ultimate sacrifice: paying off blackmailing schemer Sam Allen (Sam Page) with her entire cuisine company, in exchange for his silence regarding the family's dark hit-and-run secret involving Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom) and Carlos Solis's (Ricardo Chavira) mother, who was killed in the accident some years ago. The highlight of the episode, for me, was the shock decision by Bree's husband Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) that he could no longer live or remain married to a hypocrite; Bree demanded Orson go to prison for a similar crime (in which the victim was not killed), yet is prepared to cover for her son. It was a startling reversal of opinion for a man who less than half a season ago was considering suicide because Bree no longer loved him; and it was all the more brutal for it.

At the tail end of this high-octane finale, Susan Delfino (Teri Hatcher) is saying goodbye to her best friends on the street-where-the-car-just-blew-up, as her and debt-ridden husband Mike (James Denton) head off to their new and much cheaper apartment a few blocks away. Lynette is present, all smiles and waves, minus the baby a murderer just delivered while holding her hostage (she mentions her husband is looking after him), and she fails to mention that she has just delivered Susan's daughter's strangler to the police! Because, of course, all of this pales in comparison to moving house!

How odd, also, that Susan and Mike were so relaxed and unbothered by the need to meet with the person who would be renting their house while they sort out their finances. Surely the fact that they plan to return to this very house means they would have utmost interest in who is staying there in their absence? Oh, right, but then they would recognise that the new resident is none other than murdering convict -- and deceased narrator Mary Alice’s (Brenda Strong) husband -- Paul Young (Mark Moses).

As curious as I am about where they will take Paul's character (who hasn’t been seen since series 2, and was a nice surprise when he was revealed in the epilogue) in the next series, I really was disappointed by far too many neglected details to fully enjoy this rather important episode. It's a shame, as Desperate Housewives is -- usually -- a very thoroughly and intricately plotted series.

So, as Desperate Housewives season six draws to a close under an anti-climatic cloud, I guess this is goodbye from me, too.

WRITER: Alexandra Cunningham
DIRECTOR: David Grossman
GUEST CAST: John Barrowman, Josh Zuckerman, Sam Page, Shawn Pyfrom, Marsha Clark, Scott Allen Rinker, Diane Robin, Mindy Sterling, Ramona DuBarry, Daniel Soudakoff, Kevin Symons, Dan Gilvezan, Patricia McCormack, Mark Moses
TRANSMISSION: 7 July 2010 - CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' 6.22 – "The Ballad Of Booth"

Guest reviewer Chris Howard continues his weekly reviews of Desperate Housewives' sixth season on Channel 4...

[SPOILERS] The first part of season six's double-whammy finale, "The Ballad Of Booth" was a marked improvement over last week's lagging instalment, providing audiences with an engrossing and well-paced blend of suspense and perfectly-plotted drama, with a sly comedic gloss to still justify the "quirky" label forever hanging around Desperate Housewives's neck.

Serial killer Eddie Orlofsky (Josh Zuckerman) felt it was high-time to get out of the Scavo's house -- and Fairview -- when the bodies of two of his victims are uncovered in the woods. Fingers instantly point to murdered Irina's almost-groom, Preston (Max Carver), but he is soon released after answering some questions regarding his European vacation. Lynette (Felicity Huffman) is slow to join the dots when the police reveal Eddie's AWOL mother has also been dug up, and her compassion for the awkward recluse leads her into his house to break the news he already knows. Things do not look good for poor Lynette as the nervy murderer locks the front door, although we can safely assume that one of the four main stars will not be killed off next week -- especially not as Lynette is heavily pregnant. That said, I am still riveted by this tense storyline and keen to find out what fate awaits a cornered Eddie, especially given his affection for his former saviour...

From one hostage situation to another and vengeful Patrick Logan (John Barrowman) is living with a permanently handcuffed Angie Bolen (Drea De Matteo) while her husband lies recovering in hospital from last week's hit and run. Patrick wants his former lover and protest partner to make another bomb, just like the one that resulted in an unanticipated loss of life and 20 uneasy years on the run. Angie, obviously, is having none of it, but then Patrick pulls an ace from his set and tricks their son, Danny (Beau Mirchoff), into returning from his safe house -- now Patrick has leverage, and a lot of very dangerous terrorist equipment in his possession.

The tension in this sinister storyline was punctuated by humorously uncomfortable visits from Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker), desperate to make hubby Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) a lasagne for his birthday using Angie's traditional Italian recipe. Quite why Gaby didn't call on professional catering queen Bree (Marcia Cross) instead is unclear, but then she would have had zero involvement in this climatic episode -- and we couldn't have that! However, her involvement did allow Angie a ray of hope when the terrified hostage was able to slip an S.O.S note inside Gaby's test batch, and for Carlos to make what seemed like a arbitrary callback to season 1 when referencing his mother being killed in a hit-and-run accident on Wisteria Lane (clearly they have a lot of them in the suburbs).

Ah, but nothing is said without reason in such an intricately-structured drama as this, and by the end of the episode, this necessary prompt to the audience was being exploited in a clever and quite unexpected way: the Hodge clan desperately want dishonest imposter Sam Allen (Sam Page) out of their lives for good, but after Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) and Andrew's (Shawn Pyfrom) banter about using violence fails to impress passive Bree (although Orson's attempt to "hurt" Andrew while in a wheelchair certainly made me chuckle), she tries to pay off her former favourite employee, only for Sam to be hugely insulted and threaten to disclose a dark family secret (something about Andrew being involved in a hit and run some years back..? See what they did there?) if Bree fails to sign over her entire cuisine company to he ex husband's illegitimate son. It is certainly cooking up to be a tense and interesting conclusion for this late starter of a story arc.

Now for the necessary dose of comic relief, delivered in "The Ballad Of Booth" by typically reactionary Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher), in a bid to claim back some of her financially struggling husband's (James Denton) wages from his equally hard up customers. How apt in a recession. When turning on the waterworks fails to get the required result, Susan gets tough and overly-hyped on an altogether successful adrenaline rush. It was vaguely funny to watch Susan's blunt tactics dissolve into bullying, but it is all in vain when an IRS agent (Dan Sachoff) reveals that their deadline for repayment of Mike's loans has been moved forward, leaving them with no option but to sell their house and move out of Wisteria Lane and into an apartment. Like with Lynette's predicament, Susan is not leaving the show, so whether she leaves behind her plush suburban house to "slum it" for a few episodes or not, the Desperate Housewives cast will be back for more next year. The Bolen's, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about...

WRITER: Bob Daily
DIRECTOR: Larry Shaw
GUEST CAST: John Barrowman, Josh Zuckerman, Sam Page, Shawn Pyfrom, Max Carver, Rick Pasqualone, David Reivers, Vic Polizos, Karl Makinen, Christopher Darga, Dan Sachoff & Angee Hughes
TRANSMISSION: 30 JUNE 2010 - CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' 6.21 – "A Little Night Music"

Guest reviewer Chris Howard continues his weekly reviews of Desperate Housewives' sixth season on Channel 4...

[SPOILERS] Subsequent to this episode there are only two remaining in this uneven season of Desperate Housewives. Overall I have really enjoyed watching the multitude of over-the-top dramas unfold between the quirky and enigmatic residences of Fairview, but while some plot arcs have been dragged along for great chunks of the season, other mysteries have been solved almost instantly, before we've scarcely had a chance to comprehend what's going on. After last week's flashback necessity, I was expecting the pace to really pick up in this episode as the divergent plot strands draw ever closer to their grand conclusions. Unfortunately, "A Little Night Music" seemed to crawl along, offering little surprises in its three sinister storylines and relying on trivial domestic japery for any excitement. Progress, then, but hardly befitting an episode so close to the finish line.

After three weeks of "novel writing", Patrick Logan (John Barrowman) finally made his first move in his two-decade long game of chess with former lover and murder accomplice Angie Bolen (Drea De Matteo). Hospitalising Angie's "husband", undercover officer Nick (Jeffrey Nordling), by running him down with his car, Patrick then demanded to spend the night on Wisteria Lane... with Angie. This psychological warfare wasn't quite the violent showdown I was expecting from Patrick Logan, but John Barrowman delivered his subtly depraved demands with wicked charisma. I look forward to seeing how this pans out...

Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) discovered the downside to inviting the victim of a broken home into her life this week, as Eddie Orlofsky (Josh Zuckerman) failed to keep his temper in order whenever a member of the outspoken Scavo clan dared raise their voice at his saviour. A murderer with morals -- who would have thought?! Lynette decides the best cure for Eddie is counselling, but after one session, Dr. McCarthy (Matt Riedy) is certain that progress can only be made if the root of Eddie's issues -- his mother -- is present. Lynette promises to persuade Barbara, although we all know how unlikely that is, what with her being stuffed in the back of her car with no pulse...

Having borrowed $50,000 dollars from Carlos Solis (Ricardo Chavira) to pay off his business debts without involving his wife, stubbornly principled Mike Delfino (James Denton) this week found his secret was out when Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker) did a little digging into her husband's accounts. Which is obviously what any wife would do when her husband -- the breadwinner -- shoots down her suggestion to buy a holiday chalet. When Gaby reveals this goodwill loan to an uninformed Susan (Teri Hatcher), the two housewives plot to wind-up their guarded other halves for freezing them out. How mature...

While I found this farcical exercise to be quite humorous, with Mike and Carlos getting more and more frustrated by the elaborately fabricated scenario their wives were creating, I felt it was far too frivolous this close to the end of the season. I can appreciate what writer Matt Berry was aiming for: a lightweight comedy strand amongst the darkness of the episode's other plotlines, but it felt out of place to me, and would have been more successful in an earlier and less murky episode.

Having wormed his way into Bree Hodge's (Marcia Cross) affections and business, snide Sam Allen (Sam Page) was perturbed this week when he spotted his mother -- whom he had told the Hodge's was dead -- stacking shelves at a convenience store. Bree investigated by having coffee with the woman, Lillian Allen (Linda Purl), who revealed that her son blamed her for not allowing him to live with his father (and Bree's deceased former husband, Rex) when he was younger. Lillian admits that Sam disowned her, believing her "selfish" decision hampered his chance to live a life of luxury. When Bree confronts Sam about his dishonesty, he snaps and turns violent, leading Bree to turn to Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) and Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom) and hatch a plan to cut this insidious intruder out of their lives...

Since his introduction some weeks ago, Sam Allen has obviously been hiding something. The show's writers have not even attempted to hide his questionable intentions, meaning none of his exposed deceptions have been at all shocking, regardless of how well he covered up his trickery. Watching this predictable plot play out, I have been slowly waiting for the penny to drop for Bree, as it did for Andrew and Orson some time ago, but I cannot shake the feeling that it is the weakest of the three "big plots" heading for conclusion in a fortnight's time.

WRITER: Matt Berry
DIRECTOR: David Warren
GUEST CAST: John Barrowman, Sam Page, Josh Zuckerman, Shawn Pyfrom, Linda Purl, David Berman, Matt Riedy & Susan Grace
TRANSMISSION: 23 JUNE 2010 - CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' 6.20 – "Epiphany"

Guest reviewer Chris Howard continues his weekly reviews of Desperate Housewives' sixth season on Channel 4...

[SPOILERS] Having been made privy to the identity of the Fairview Strangler in "We All Deserve to Die", we were this week taken back to various key points in his young life to be given some insight into what made amiable friend-to-all, Eddie Orlofsky (Josh Zuckerman), into a woman-killing "monster". It was a necessary step to justify last week's shock reveal (even if it did require putting the rolling stone that is the Bolen/Logan storyline on hold) and for the most part the episode worked well, although it was stretching credibility a little to believe that all five -- yep, even deceased narrator Mary Alice (Brenda Strong) got to show her face for the first time in quite some time -- of the main housewives have, unwittingly, had a hand in shaping a man they so fear. Handy, that.

Sat out on the lawn at four years old while his parents, Hank (Kevin Sizemore) and Barbara (Diane Farr), have a blazing row which will end in their separation, a downcast Eddie (played at this age by Nicholas Sarullo) catches the attention of a jogging Mary Alice. Attempting to integrate herself into the single mother and son's life, Mary Alice soon realises that Barbara is going out to get drunk and hook up with guys while leaving poor Eddie locked in at home alone. Barbara would rather live a wild and carefree life than take responsibility for the son she openly brandishes a mistake -- to his face...

Pretty much left to his own devices for his formative years, lonesome Eddie is befriended by new-to-the-street Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker), who is also left to twiddle her thumbs while Carlos (Antonio Chavira) is out at work. Quite the odd couple they make, with Eddie happily painting Gaby's nails, moving boxes for her and cooking the spoilt madam dinner. That is until Carlos gets an unexpected morning off work and Eddie walks in on the frisky couple in the bath together. Shouted out of the house, Eddie takes his frustration out on the Solis's bushes, before running away from Gaby when she suggests that perhaps they should both start making friends their own age...

Jumping forward to within a couple of years of the present day, Eddie is now in high school and making money by doing DIY for the Van de Kamp's. Shy and lacking in social grace or confidence, Bree (Marcia Cross) offers the lad some tips for "wooing" a girl he has had his eye on from afar. Unfortunately, this transpires to be Bree's daughter, Danielle, who is only interested in Eddie as a friend (the words no boy with a crush wants to hear), leading Bree to return Eddie's romantic gifts to his mother. Barbara shows her complete lack of motherly delicacy; laughing in the face of her rejected son for thinking he even had a chance with a girl so far out of his league. (In hindsight, this incident may have lead to Eddie's extreme reaction upon hearing Irina's similarly tackless refusal last week.) A desperate and crushed Eddie is driven to paying for sex on a street corner, only for the prostitute's (Jamie Sorrentini) heartless cackle at being presented with flowers leading to her demise at Eddie's trembling hands...

Susan Mayer's (Teri Hatcher) participation in Eddie's downfall took place prior to and during the start of this very season, and had the most devastating effect of all: realising Eddie's talent for sketching, former children's book artist Susan takes him under her wing, helping him bloom at his passion before presenting him with tickets to a two-week art school; a kindness alien to Eddie, having been told how worthless his talent is by his unsupportive mother. Eddie's return coincides with the day of Susan's second marriage to Mike Delfino (James Denton), as depicted in season opener "Nice is Different Than Good", a move which totally takes the infatuated kid by surprise. When his insistence that Susan should marry him instead of Mike is laughed off, an unstable Eddie takes his revenge that night, but accidentally targets the wrong woman in the house...

Returning to the present day, Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) is concerned that Barbara Orlovsky's drunkenness is having an adverse effect on the introverted Eddie. Talking things through with Tom (Doug Savant), she decides to offer Eddie the opportunity to make a clean break and live with them. Eddie is old enough to move out on his own, but Lynette feels he may be too afraid to, and clearly plans to nurture the damaged lad away from his alcoholic mother. This generous proposal coincides with Barbara's discovery of Eddie's "killer's scrapbook" (surely a guaranteed way to be found out?) under his mattress, and Eddie’s rash silencing of his mother leads to her death. Charitable Lynette is totally oblivious to what horror she has let her and her family in for...

Writer and show creator Marc Cherry did a fantastic job of making us sympathise with Eddie Orlovsky -- if not his unjustifiable actions -- in "Epiphany"; a lifetime of humiliation, rejection, loneliness and domestic discontent are bound to have an unhealthy impact upon a young person's morality and perception of retribution. We are equally sad for and horrified of this nice man transformed into a monster by the monster who "raised" him (I use that word loosely). Unintimidating Josh Zuckerman looked suitably unhinged in the grip of rage, while guest star Diane Farr's downfall was brilliantly portrayed as she became more and more drunk and haggard with every flashback. I was impressed by the way plot progression (in the form of Lynette's proposal) was interwoven into an episode preoccupied with the past, even if, at the end of the hour, nothing is resolved and none of the characters are any wiser to the phantom threat on Wisteria Lane.

WRITER: Marc Cherry
DIRECTOR: David Grossman
GUEST CAST: Josh Zuckerman, Nicolas Sarullo, Diane Farr, Kevin Sizemore, Jamie Sorrentini
AIRDATE/CHANNEL: 16 JUNE 2010 - CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' 6.19 – "We All Deserve To Die"

[SPOILERS] As the sixth season hurtles ever nearer to the upcoming finale, the pace was ramped up this week with a thrilling episode which juggled a multitude of plot progressions for all the major characters, without putting a foot wrong with any of them. Furthermore, a genuinely unpredictable twist revelation at the death (pun fully intended) finally put to bed one of the season's longest running mysteries and tipped an already great episode into a classic. But more about that later...

Firstly, after refusing wife Susan's (Teri Hatcher) help with paying off his business debts, proud family provider Mike Delfino (James Denton) saw his work truck get repossessed. While Susan is busy paying-off the neighbourhood to call on her husband's plumbing services in the most unsubtle and clichéd fashion possible (putting cutlery in the food dispenser, clogging a bath's plughole with soil), Mike quietly confesses to friend Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) that his debts are far beyond what Susan imagines. Chequebook in hand, Carlos comes to the rescue. It's handy having rich neighbours, isn't it? Still, it was great to see James Denton flex his acting muscles with his defeated declaration, even if I do agree with Susan's statement that in a marriage there is no you and I, but a united team who should share the load.

Speaking of sharing the load, Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker) made perhaps her least selfish decision ever in "We All Deserve To Die", when she agreed to donate her eggs to help gay couple Bob (Tuc Watkins) and Lee (Kevin Rahm) have the child they so desperately want. Of course she was only privy to the information because she was eavesdropping on the exasperated partners arguing, but it's a start. Right? Well, not quite, as Gaby eventually comes to the realisation that she wouldn't be able to deal with giving away "her" child, and when she backtracks on her "gift", Bob and Lee get into another row which sees Lee dump his love and leave town. Accolades all round for the scene where Gaby is -- for once -- rendered speechless and helplessly walks away from a heartbroken Bob, who is left surmising "it was a lot to ask". Am I alone in hoping Lee makes a quick return and the plucky pair give things another go?

Someone else who I hope makes a quick return is Andrew Van De Kamp (Shawn Pyfrom), after Bree (Marcia Cross) is reluctantly forced to fire her own son. Again. In an attempt to discredit his smarmy half-brother, Sam Allen (Sam Page), Andrew is outed as a thief when Sam points out the company's books don't tally; clearly this relative stranger is not to be messed with. Not that Bree can see past his perfect smile, even when a make-or-break dinner to certify a book deal is sabotaged and either Andrew or Sam is culpable... Orson (Kyle McLachlan) is on hand to plant the suspicion in his wife's mind, but what is Sam set to gain from such underhanded scheming?

I commented in my review last week of how disappointed I was by Patrick Logan's (John Barrowman) somewhat underwhelming introduction, having been characterised as the "big bad" (to coin a Buffy the Vampire Slayer phrase) all season. To my surprise, he continued his measured approach to confronting runaway ex Angie (Drea De Matteo) this week (well, it has taken him 18 years to get this close, why rush into it now?), but with a menacing undercurrent which made his befriending of Danny Bolen (Beau Mirchoff) all the more villainous. Innocuously telling his estranged son his life story in the form of a novel he is supposedly writing, Patrick asks for feedback on how his final chapter should end. How wickedly twisted to have poor Danny naively sealing his -- and his mother's -- own fate by brainstorming "dark" conclusions.

On the subject of fate, Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) is certainly not resigned to allowing her son, Parker (Max Carver), to marry Russian bride-to-be, Irina (Helena Mattsson). The housewife is more convinced than ever that the beautiful blonde is after nothing but money, especially after a mystery man phones Irina's mobile to rant at her in Russian about involving the police... a quick visit to immigration later and Lynette is hopeful of something incriminating being uncovered before the fast-approaching big day. An eleventh hour reprieve sees the delivery of Irina's colourful file -- the polygamous gold-digger has been marrying men from around the globe and draining them of their finances before moving on to her next victim. Busted. Watching Lynette make a teary-eyed vow to always be there for her silent and heartbroken son, even if he hates her now, was absorbing television which really highlighted Felicity Huffman's range as an actress. Stunning.

But wait, this rollercoaster episode isn't over yet! The sting in the tail is still to come... her bags hastily packed, Irina is power walking down Wisteria Lane and out of the show as Eddie Orlovsky (Josh Zuckerman) -- long-haired, unfunny friend to the Fairview youth -- pulls up and offers her a lift to the airport. How odd, I thought, given how he was to be a guest at the wedding and surely would support his deceived friend at his time of need. Yet, regardless, he tries his luck at coming on to the sexy Russian who bluntly knocks him back. Bad move. Eddie's quirky (read: irritating) attitude quickly dissolves as he runs his car off the road and into the forest...

In an episode which rarely let up, this was a superb and unanticipated twist -- the weedy, innocuous guy has been parading in front of our eyes the entire series, and now it turns out it was he who strangled Julie Meyer way back in episode one and, no doubt, the waitress in the Coffee Cup also! And there was me blaming Nick Bolen (Jeffrey Nordling)! I don't want to get my hopes up, but judging by the preview clip, next week's episode looks like another corker as we jump around in time to discover just what has unhinged Eddie to the extent that he would commit murder. Looks like season six of Desperate Housewives is going out with a bang.

WRITERS: Josann McGibbon & Sara Parriott
DIRECTOR: Larry Shaw
GUEST CAST: John Barrowman, Shawn Pyfrom, Sam Page, Helena Mattsson, Max Carver & Josh Zuckerman
AIRDATE/CHANNEL: 9 JUNE 2010 - CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' 6.18 – "My Two Young Men"

WRITER: Bob Daily
DIRECTOR: David Grossman
GUEST CAST: John Barrowman, Julie Benz, Shawn Pyfrom, Joy Lauren, Sam Page, Ellen Crawford, Max Carver & Helena Mattsson

[SPOILERS] After 18 episodes of slow-burning build-up, scraps of overheard information and whispers behind closed doors, the Bolen's worst nightmare -- Patrick Logan (John "Captain Jack" Barrowman, in a rather juicy role) -- is back on their scent and finally seen on screen, making his way to Fairview, presumably to ruffle some feathers and take back his son, Danny (Beau Mirchoff), following a tip-off from greedy New Yorker Iris Beckley (Ellen Crawford). I was really hoping for an explosive entrance from the Torchwood star, after all, this was big enough news for the UK's TV Guide to feature the story on this week's cover. Unfortunately, writer Bob Daily was more interested in recycling an immaterial competing mother's storyline, granting Barrowman just one (slightly underwhelming) scene to demonstrate just what Angie Bolen (Drea De Matteo) has been running from all these years. Slow-burning indeed; I just hope Patrick Logan ups the menacing ante next week and ignites a spark in this long-gestating storyline before it's finally extinguished.

Having settled their anxieties about whose child was in the smartest class at school back in "How About A Friendly Shrink?", Susan (Teri Hatcher) and Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) spend far too long retelling an analogous morality tale this week, as Juanita (Madison De La Garza) and MJ (Mason Vale Cotton) raise money for their school by selling overpriced bars of chocolate. Susan is determined that MJ will sell the most so he can finally win at something, while Gaby is determined her unpopular daughter will win so she can make friends at the winner's party. The outcome is obvious a mile off as one parent backs down from their shameless mission at the last minute, but this plot line -- for all it's good intentions -- was hardly worthy of the large chunk of the episode it was granted.

Smarmy, perma-smiling Sam Allen (Sam Page) continued to integrate himself into the Van De Kamp/Hodge family this week, even winning over returning half-sister Danielle (Joy Lauren). Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom), however, is still fuming, taking his rage towards the self-righteous newcomer out on his late father's guitar. His outbursts are doing him no favours in front of besotted Bree (Marcia Cross), although step-father Orson's (Kyle MacLachlan) suspicions are raised and he charges Andrew with exposing Sam's true intentions for tracking down Rex's wife. "What would Rex say if he were with us now?" Bree asked as the entire clan sat down to dinner. "Who's the guy in the wheelchair?" was Orson's deadpan response which had me in stitches. For all its water-treading flaws, "My Two Young Men" was again another humourous episode.

Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) could find little to laugh at, however, as Preston's (Max Carver) Russian fiancée Irina (Helena Mattsson) continued to aggravate the distrustful mother, who was horrified to hear that the couple are planning to move into a place of their own. Without repeating my comments from last week, I'm still unsure whether Irina is being characterised as shrewd and calculating, or smart and attentive. She is onto Lynette's dislike of her, but is her stubbornness to back down out of love for Preston or his money? Either way, Lynette got what she deserved when she flat-out insulted Irina and was covered in a saucepan of dinner.

At a party held to celebrate Mrs McCluskey's (Kathryn Joosten) victory over cancer -- a story written in to acknowledge and mirror the actor's real life battle (thanks to regular DMD commenter's "Nat" and "Shelly" for pointing this titbit out) -- confused and closeted sort-of-lesbian Katherine (Dana Delaney) got into an argument with sort-of-partner Robin (Julie Benz) about openly flirting with a man. Despite taking their personal issues outside, they didn't count on Karen's suggestion of a minute's respectful silence as they rowed in front of an open window. Oops; secret's out and thunder stolen, quite spectacularly. This was by far the episode's most successful plot strand, making a satisfyingly large development -- something all of the other storyline's failed to do -- as Katherine decided it was best if she left the gossiping neighbouring and spent some time away, reflecting, with Robin. It will be interesting to see if Katherine returns to Wisteria Lane in the future (everybody else who hasn't been killed off seems to) and whether Robin will be in tow, too, but until then her departure leaves more room for genuine progress elsewhere. After all, the season is nearly over...

2 JUNE 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

You can read more of Chris Howard's writing at his blog The CRaB Shack.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.17 – "Chromolume #7"

WRITER: Marco Pennette
DIRECTOR: Lonny Price
GUEST CAST: Julie Benz, Max Carver, Shawn Pyfrom, Sam Page, Suzanne Costallos, Helena Mattsson, Ellen Crawford, Jonathon Adams, Barry Livingstone, Tracy Fraim, Heidi Klum & Paulina Porizkova

[SPOILERS] If, like me, you read the title of this episode and went "eh?!" then fear not, the answer is at hand: like a majority of the episode titles this season, "Chromolume #7" is taken from a song from a Stephen Sondheim musical. Housewives creator Marc Cherry is a big fan, apparently. According to the resource engine that is Yahoo! Answers: "Chromolume #7" is the name of a fictional color and light machine in the Stephen Sondheim musical "Sunday in the Park with George." If you're still thinking "eh?!" then fear not -- I am, too. Not for the first time in recent memory, I have been totally non-plussed by the frankly ridiculous and seemingly unrelatable choice of episode names. Bringing to light new revelations is the closest association I can think of, and that's at a stretch.

On to the episode itself, and my opinion of that is far more positive. This week's visit to Wisteria Lane felt like it regained a certain punchiness and purposeful direction (as well as a spark to the humour) which elevated it above the rather by-the-numbers installments of late.

The dynamic between Angie (Drea de Matteo) and Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) as they flew to New York to once again break up Danny (Beau Mirchoff) and aspiring model Ana (Mairia Walsh) was superb: Gaby sharing stories (read: bragging) of her glory days as a model to a cagey and uninterested Angie. Running into her former agent Luke Rayfield (Jonathon Adams), as well as notable guest stars Heidi Klum and Paulina Porizkova (both of whom really can't act but just about got by on star appeal), lead Gaby to realize how much of a queen bitch she used to be (duh!). This is her second epiphany in as many episodes -- we soon won't recognize her if this character transformation continues!

Gaby's vow to change starts with owning up to Angie about overhearing her row with husband Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) some weeks ago, only for Angie to reciprocate by revealing a startling amount about her shady past with the enigma that is Patrick Logan -- including the shocking disclosure that Danny is Patrick's son and not Nick's. I find it hard to believe that Angie, having been so careful for 18 years, would suddenly decide to spill -- especially to someone as gossipy as Gaby -- but for the good of plot and character progression, it worked well. Thanks to a tip-off from nosy neighbour Iris (Ellen Crawford) while Angie is picking up Danny from her estranged mother's (Suzanne Costallos) house, it won't be long before Patrick is once again back in the Bolen's life's...

Andrew Van De Kamp's (Shawn Pyfrom) distrust over do-gooder Sam Allen's (Sam Page) promotion within Bree's (Marcia Cross) catering company came to a head this week, resulting in a drunken physical confrontation. Ironically, it turns out that the jealous son's suspicions were correct, when Bree discovers a photograph of a much younger Sam with Bree's ex-husband, the deceased Rex, at Sam's house. Eventually given a chance to explain himself, Sam reveals that Rex and his mother had a one night stand prior to Rex meeting Bree. I cannot believe that this is the end of this speedily exposed storyline (and was surprised at how little Bree seemed to dwell on Rex's secret life), and would like to see it progress further, if only to see how head-strong Andrew reacts to Sam being his half-brother.

Returning from a trip around Europe you never even knew he'd set off on, Preston Scavo (Max Carver) arrived home this week sporting a ridiculous 80s 'tache and a sexy new girlfriend in Russian Irina (Helena Mattsson). Cautious Lynette was instantly unimpressed ("she's way out of his league; what does she really want?!") and set out to prove Irina a gold-digger by swapping her grandmother's engagement ring for a cheap copy, upon learning of Parker's hasty proposal. The indication seems to be that Irina has Lynette figured out, but whether that proves over-protective Mummy Scavo's theory or is just a cunning tactic on the Russian's part is yet to be seen.

Katherine Mayfair (Dana Delaney) is still bewildered after her passionate night with house guest Robin (Julie Benz). Episode writer Marco Pennette chose to take the pressure off the sexually confused housewife by getting Robin out of her hair for the majority of the episode (she was at a family wedding, apparently), leaving Katherine free to chat to Bob (Tuc Watkins) and Lee (Kevin Rahm) about the possibility that she has "turned gay." The couple laugh the suggestion off -- and rightfully so -- but it was a humorously quirky conversation nonetheless, if only for Bob and Lee's bickering. A returning Robin, however, is less willing to believe the night was a "drunken mistake" (funny, I don't remember alcohol being a factor last week?), leading to a rather forced kiss.

Finally this week, Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) has used part of the money she received from selling her share in gentleman's club "Double D's" to pay off husband Mike's (James Denton) business loan -- without his knowledge. Coupled with the slowly spreading news of his former partner's "leprechaun" encounter with the former stripper (a chucklesome mishearing), Mike is left feeling somewhat emasculated, and after an attempt to reassert his masculinity with a kitchen romp leads to hilariously embarrassing awkwardness (and a bump on the head), Susan agrees to cancel the bank cheque and allow Mike to pay off the loan by himself.

26 MAY 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.16 – "The Chase"

WRITERS: Joey Murphy & John Pardee
DIRECTOR: Larry Shaw
GUEST CAST: Julie Benz, Orson Bean, Shawn Pyfrom, Sam Page, Eric Colton, Richard Gilliland, Les Brandt & Jeffrey Markle

[SPOILERS] Aside from a couple of out-of-the-blue revelations to build upon in the future, "The Chase" felt, overall, like a rather contained instalment of Desperate Housewives. The majority of the episode's multitude of plot strands were introduced and wrapped up within the hour. I wouldn't go so far as to call it filler, but it was enjoyable enough fluff, with a number of new characters and returning oldies injecting the progressing season with a renewed freshness.

Stereotypically over-the-top gay couple Bob (Tuc Watkins) and Lee (Kevin Rahm) were given more screentime then I think they have ever been granted as Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker) -- replete with three suitcases of luggage -- came to stay in a bid to avoid catching daughter Celia's (Daniella Baltodano) chickenpox. Nights out on the town, cocktails in the daytime and unplanned house parties made Gaby realise how much she missed her crazy single life of old -- until Bob reveals that they envy her as a mother and hope to adopt a child themselves. It will be interesting to see if the writers follow up Bob and Lee's adoption storyline (they are certainly due one!) and haven't just inserted it as a quick-fix lesson for Gaby on how important her family is to her.

Former regular cast member Andrew Van De Kamp (Shawn Pyfrom) has had literally one brief scene and a blink and you'll miss it appearance so far this season, but in "The Chase" he is witnessed working for Bree's (Marcia Cross) catering company again as if he's been present all along. More screentime of course means more tension between mother and son, the catalyst this time taking the form of smarmy new employee Sam Allen (Sam Page) -- a thoroughly unlikable if overly efficient chap -- who threw a cog in the family business by enlightening Bree to her gay son's affair with useless dogsbody Tad (Eric Colton). Andrew, for those who have forgotten, has been engaged to love Alex since last season. As great as it was to see Shawn Pyfrom back (I always enjoy seeing returning regulars; it gives the show a greater sense of community), quite why the writers feel the need to continuously damage Andrew and Bree's relationship is beyond me -- haven't they mined this plot enough already?

Still on the subject of homosexual relationships is the continuation of last week's bombshell that delicate Katherine (Dana Delaney) is suddenly developing lustful feelings for houseguest and former stripper Robin (Julie Benz). In typically hasty Desperate Housewives style, confused Katherine kicks Robin out -- on the advice of her therapist Dr. Avedon (Richard Gilliland) -- then sleeps with her in the space of five minutes. Is this realistic or just a desperate attempt to garner more ratings with a racy talking point?

Speaking of talking points, Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) found herself locking lips with old-timer Roy Bender (Orson Bean) in "The Chase", having developed a ludicrous spur-of-the-moment obsession with seeing Roy and Karen McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) tie the knot. I get a sense that a lot of viewers like Roy (perhaps because he makes fan favourite Karen McCluskey happy?), but I just can't stand his straight talking manner. I was further put off when he revealed a ridiculous fixation with kissing other women before being "tied down" to marriage (at his age?!) This seemed like a weak and totally implausible character development implemented simply to provide an "ewww" moment with the Susan-Roy kiss, and to allow a "heart warming" change of heart when it is revealed that Mrs. McCluskey has cancer.

Angie Bolen (Drea De Matteo) is concerned when she finds a note from son Danny (Beau Mirchoff, absent this week) saying he has gone camping with mate Eddie (Josh Zuckerman) to clear his head over girlfriend Ana's (Mairia Walsh, also absent) move to New York. Of course, we have known his real destination since last week, so it comes as little surprise when Angie and Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) spot Eddie in the supermarket and get the truth from him. This was little more than obligatory groundwork to get the Bolen's back to the city they have been avoided due to their chequered past, but at least it is developing their season-long story arc, albeit in no great hurry.

Finally, and in another curiously contained story of questionable long-term relevance, Tom (Doug Savant) and Lynette (Felicity Huffman) have forgotten daughter Penny's (Kendall Applegate) birthday -- which is no surprise given how little she has featured this year -- leading the distraught child to run away from home. A cute apology scene between mother and daughter at the hotel Penny paid for on her parent's credit card later, and all is resolved in this clichéd story strand which -- sweet character interaction aside -- felt somewhat redundant. But then, that is true of much of this week's averagely enjoyable episode...

19 MAY 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.15 – "Lovely"

WRITER: David Schladweiler
DIRECTOR: David Warren
GUEST CAST: Julie Benz, Orson Bean, Eric Lutes, Scott Haven & Ryan Heinke

[SPOILERS] This week's cloying morality play was brought to us in five easy to swallow segments (and one needlessly twee closing tag), perhaps because writer David Schladweiler was fearful we would choke on the "profound effect" former stripper Robin Gallagher (Julie Benz) had on the housewives' lives if we had to ingest it all in one go.

It was a refreshing narrative device, I concur, and it began so positively as Robin accompanied her temporary saviour, Susan (Teri Hatcher), to Katherine's (Dana Delaney) welcome home party, only for the guys to swoon while the gals got in a huff. However, the structure soon became an excuse to relay the same message in five slightly different ways, with only one storyline being all that significant in the grand scheme of things -- and even that left a bitter taste in the mouth.

Lynette and the Stripper: Lynette (Felicity Huffman) snaps at Robin for "irresponsibly" showering with the blinds not drawn, what with Lynette's teenage son, Parker (Joshua Logan Moore) being able to see everything from his bedroom window. Robin then reveals that Parker offered her money to sleep with him, leading to a premature heart-to-heart with his concerned parents, and Tom (Doug Savant) putting his foot in it by suggesting that, at the end of the day, all women are goaded in to sex because of cash(!!) And they were doing so well in couple's therapy... when Lynette returns to apologise to Robin for her attitude, Robin asks Lynette to draw her blinds in the future when having make-up sex with her husband... lovely.

Bree and the Stripper: In exchange for helping the newcomer bake Susan a thank you cake, Robin bestows chef Bree (Marcia Cross) with some bedroom advice to reignite her passion for paralysed husband Orson (Kyle MacLachlan). Bree's ensuing attempt at a lap-dance is a humorously cringeworthy -- and definitely not sexy -- mess, but the end result is the estranged couple end up in each others arms... lovely.

Gabrielle and the Stripper: Having overheard worrying remarks from the other side of the Bolen's door last week, Carlos (Antonio Chavira) and Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) set out to keep live-in niece Ana (Maiara Walsh) away from boyfriend Danny Bolen (Beau Mirchoff) by using Robin to relay a disastrous tale from her past and encourage Ana to pursue a modelling opportunity -- which came out of nowhere and was explained away as an old contact from Gaby’s modelling days -- in New York. However, upon finding out the Solis's true, devious motives, Robin asserts her principles by revealing all to a cut-up Danny, who orders a taxi out of Fairview... lovely.

Susan and the Stripper: Returning to her old characteristic of extreme jealousy (which she handily forgot about when offering Robin a house to stay in), Susan Mayer attempts to fix her husband Mike's (James Denton) sore back after seeing Robin administer some effective techniques which, apparently, crossed the boundary. When Mike ends up in the hospital following Susan's physio "remedy", she admits her resentment to Robin, who apologises and suggests moving out to sustain a friendship with Susan... lovely.

Katherine and the Stripper: Returning to street life following her stint in the mental hospital, a delicate and slowly adjusting Katherine has Robin thrust herself into her life -- in more ways than one. Suggesting they get themselves out of the house, Robin takes her newly acquired landlady for drinks; only to have two "typical" guys (Scott Haven and Ryan Heinke) hit on her and ignore Katherine entirely. Robin kisses Katherine to make the guys jealous and later suggests Katherine should "broaden her horizons" in the dating world if she is fed up with men... hint, hint... lovely?!

Given its top billing as the final strand, clearly this was the storyline which was meant to deliver the dramatic twist in an episode otherwise obsessed with assimilating a newcomer into an already crowded pack. However, it was lazily clichéd to reveal the ex-stripper has dabbled with her sexuality, and somewhat stretching believability that a woman so disturbingly obsessed with men -- okay, one man in particular -- all her life could be so easily tempted, which is clearly where this arc is heading. I know a change is as good as a rest, but c'mon!

Robin: Yep, we get it; she's a stripper with a heart of gold. But if you didn't quite get that from being shown her good nature in the previous five story chunks, then here is Robin to spell it out for you, glancing dreamily into the middle distance while lamenting her past and looking forward to a bright future on Wisteria Lane... lovely -- or nauseating? It was also awkward watching Karen McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) get shoehorned into a single scene as a pair of ears, replete with an implausibly eye-rolling story from way back when, just to give her something relevant to add.

On a final note, is Julie Benz using her natural voice? I never saw her on Dexter, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer was some years ago (my memory isn't what it used to be), but I get the impression that she's putting on this softly-spoken tone to make her character more likeable. Unfortunately, she's coming across as a ditzy airhead to me.

12 MAY 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.14 – "The Glamorous Life"

WRITER: Dave Flebotte
DIRECTOR: Bethany Rooney
GUEST STARS: Julie Benz, Jane Leeves, Brent Briscoe, Suzanne Dodd, John Rubinstein, Orson Bean, Edmund L. Shaff, Michael Crider & Mindy Stirling

[SPOILERS] While by no means an excruciating watch, this week's snoop around Wisteria Lane suffered from not packing enough of a dramatic punch. A mid-season lull, perhaps? Far too many of the show's multiple story threads were treading water in "The Glamorous Life" (or only just picking up), and in the one instance where drama and affection should have been ramped up, writer Dave Flebotte chose puns over poignancy, robbing the episode of its heart and settling for superficial gloss instead. "Glamorous" indeed...

I will start with my gripe: I was astounded at the unsuitably trivial tone of recently paralysed Orson's (Kyle MacLachlan) struggle with depression -- since when has the solemn subject of suicide been handled with such humour?! I have mentioned in recent weeks how it is hard for me to identify with such an unsettled character as Orson Hodge, so how are we meant to sympathise with his grave and weighty matter if he's slinging out brash one-liners while supposedly contemplating giving up on life?! Furthermore, why has Bree (Marcia Cross) suddenly decided that she no longer loves her husband? While she was sleeping with Karl she admitted to Angie (Drea de Matteo) that she couldn't let go of her strong bond with Orson, so why the abrupt change of heart?

With Danny Bolen (Beau Mirchoff) and Ana Solis's (Maira Walsh) relationship in full swing, Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) and Carlos (Carlos Chavira) fret about the teens doing the nasty, while Danny's mother takes a more laid-back and realistic view. That is until she spies Carlos pinning her half-dressed son up against the wall and her heckles flair up. Threatening to kill Carlos if he dares touch her son again, Angie returns home to be berated by husband Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) for letting her temper get the better of her; he fears their cover will be blown if she flairs up too often, especially as she has been getting narky with a neighbour (Suzanne Dodd) for not separating her rubbish into separate bins (see what I mean about treading water?) As coincidence would have it, Gaby and Carlos are at the Bolen's front door armed with apologies and cookies, only to overhear the unsettling domestic riot. Tongues will wag and judgement will be passed after Gaby is through spreading this exclusive around the Lane...

Having hugged out her rivalry with mentally unstable Katherine (Dana Delaney, who did not feature this week) at the end of last week's episode, it was high time Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) found herself a new story arc to stress her out until the end of the season. Well she couldn’t have spent a whole week doing anything vaguely normal, could she? This new hobby, conveniently, arrived in "The Glamorous Life" in the form of stripper-with-lofty-aspirations, Robin Gallagher (Julie Benz).

After signing over the deeds of her inherited share in gentlemen's club Double D's to Jimbo Rooney (Brent Briscoe), Susan spots the far-too-perfect Robin reading Moby Dick -- cue a phallus joke -- while waiting for a client, and plants in her head the idea of quitting and finding a more fulfilling and less sleazy way of earning money. Of course, that is easier said than done when you live in a community as close-knit as Fairview and you take your clothes off every week. Susan feels the weight of meddling -- sorry, responsibility, and invites the jobless and penniless Robin to stay at chez Mayer until she lands on her feet, much to son MJ's (Mason Vale Cotton) delight. Just a fortnight ago, Susan was furious at Mike (James Denton) for taking a job amongst beautiful women, now she is inviting one to live with them -- isn't that a little contradictory of her character?

Lastly, disagreeable couple Lynette (Felicity Huffman) and Tom Scavo (Doug Savant) were this week finally granted a reprieve from their stretch of solemn storylines, although they are still in therapy, so they aren't out of the woods and free to smile yet. They are, however, finished with Dr. Graham (Jane Leeves), after brown-nose Tom bought tickets to her amateur performance of Antony and Cleopatra and they endured four hours of the shoddiest acting ever from a deluded professional whose opinion they are meant to trust. It was amusing to watch Jane Leeves purposefully fluff her lines as her prop crown clanged to the stage floor, but it did seem like an episode of padding for Tom and Lynette's storyline. Although at least now they can finally agree on something, as Tom had to sacrifice being liked to admit how terrible Dr. Graham's "talent" was. Negligible progress all round for the housewives this week, then...

5 MAY 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.13 – "How About A Friendly Shrink?"

WRITER: Jason Ganzel
DIRECTOR: Lonny Price
GUEST STARS: Vince Cefula, Jane Leeves, John Rubinstein, Mackenzie Smith, Richard Gilliland, Wendy Benson-Landes, Patricia Bethune, Aedin Mincks & Candance Brown II

[SPOILERS] For the most part, things seem to have settled down again in Fairview after the tragic, large-scale plane crash in "Boom Crunch". As this week's episode title alludes, we are back to observing collisions of a more private nature: relationship drama, petty squabbles, childish backbiting and mind games all feature in lashes. Not that I'm complaining, however, as "How About a Friendly Shrink?" still packed an explosive punch, fizzing with a quirky energy unique to Wisteria Lane's extrovert residents.

It was good to see fringe characters Bob Hunter (Tuc Watkins) and Lee McDermott (Kevin Rahm) get some more substantial screen time, as they are always good for a bitchy snipe and some colourfully witty banter -- even if it occasionally verges on the stereotypical -- and it is always a shame when they are pushed to the background or reduced to a line an episode. It is at a dinner party with the Scavo's that the gay partners disclose that they are in couple's therapy, with over-emotional Lee keeping a feelings journal which he works through at each session.

Following the loss of one of their unborn twins, Tom Scavo (Doug Savant) is instantly keen on working through his rough patch with Lynette (Felicity Huffman) in the same way, but his reticent wife is having none of it -- until she discovers he has been visiting therapist Dr. Graham (Jane Leeves) on his own and keeping a feelings journal. It was obvious that a nose around Dr. Graham's office would result in Lynette being won over, but I was surprised that the usually volatile housewife was so tolerable of her husband seeing a therapist in the first place. It was, however, amusing to see fellow Brit Jane Leeves hand out the counselling for once -- Frasier's Daphne has followed in her employer's footsteps, huh?

Juanita Solis (Madison De La Garza) has started at her new school -- coincidentally the same school Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) teaches at, and her son, MJ (Mason Vale Cotton), attends. It is smiles all round until it emerges that Juanita and MJ are in different animal groups for maths; their designation based on their ability. So, what are better: leopards or giraffes? Let the battle of the competitive parent's commence! It was fun to see Gaby and Susan squabble over such a inconsequential subject, and become the petulant kids they don't want their children to be – including a role-reversing visit to the principal's office -- but isn't it stretched credibility somewhat that even the teachers at the school are kept in the dark about pupil abilities?

Somebody still plagued by the life-changing injuries he picked up in the plane crash is the now wheelchair-bound Orson Hodge (Kyle MacLachlan), who continues his fiendish manipulation of repenting wife Bree's (Marcia Cross) good intentions. He is still hurt by her affair with the now deceased Karl -- at one point he shockingly brandishes her a "whore" -- and thus blames Bree for his disabled state. I am not entirely convinced Bree wheeling Orson outside, covering him in washing up liquid and hosing the shower-resistant man on the front lawn was quite the most subtle or sympathetic action to take, but as I said last week, his snide and treacherous nature do make him a hard character to empathize with, even at his lowest ebb. I cannot see how their marriage can survive this, but Bree is one stubborn housewife...

Taking time out from worrying about being on the run and avoiding a life in prison (as you do), Angie Bolen (Drea De Matteo) is not happy with son Danny's (Beau Mirchoff) new girlfriend Ana Solis (Maiara Walsh). Determined to split the odd couple up, she tries to speak with the frank and opinionated Ana, who is resolute in standing by her sensitive man. I am glad Ana is getting more screen time of late, however I am not convinced the writers know which direction to take her character. Is she meant to be a typically rebellious, blunt and defiant teen, or a loyal, lonely girl with a kind heart? She currently seems to be displaying both facets, leading to a somewhat incongruent character. Will she end up hurting Danny?

Considering her suicidal breakdown just weeks ago, Katherine Mayfair (Dana Delaney) has made a remarkably speedy turn around in the mental hospital. She is clearly still fazed by it all -- no doubt due to the powerful medication she is on – but she has confessed her imagined romance with former love Mike Delfino (James Denton) to physiatrist Dr. Avedon (Richard Gilliland). As the camera panned around a subdued Katherine recounting her mistakes on the couch, I was fully expecting her delusion of Mike to be revealed sitting next to her, but kudos to the writer for not playing this predictably kooky card. Clearly Katherine is beyond that now, though hardly relishing a return to Wisteria Lane.

Karen McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) played the familiar role of friend to the friendless by making regular visits to the hospital, keen to show a stubborn Katherine that she is missed. It was a conventional and over-sentimental conclusion, but I will fully admit to being touched when the housewives -- including rival Susan -- rallied around their despairing friend ready to forgive and forget, full of smiles, hugs and gossip. Bless.

28 APRIL 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.12 - "You Gotta Get A Gimmick"

WRITER: Joe Keenan
DIRECTOR: David Grossman
GUEST CAST: Orson Bean, Ben Lemon, Dakin Matthews, John Rubinstein, Josh Zuckerman, Brent Biscoe, Brianne Davis & Kevin Scott Allen

[SPOILERS] You would be forgiven for thinking we were still in last week's hypothetical parallel reality given how far credibility is stretched during the reading of Karl Mayer's last will and testament at the opening of "You Gotta Get A Gimmick". Even Susan Delfino (Teri Hatcher) makes a flippant fourth-wall-teasing aside to the heavens when it is revealed that the deceased lawyer has left his ex-wife his half of a business he was co-owner of -- without anybody knowing: "At least you'll finally get some rest."

In line with his womanising ways, Karl's business is no quaint tea room in the valley but a thriving Gentleman's Club called Double D's (or "Herpes on Parade" as Susan humorously denounces it), which, exotic dancer "Destiny" (Brianne Davis) informs the stunned new co-owner, is frequented by one Mr. Mike Delfino (James Denton). Busted. Well, at least the club's pipes are; Mike informs his infuriated wife that he visits strictly for plumbing duties, which isn't enough to stop Susan from forbidding her husband from entering the premises again. Bad move.

This incredulous and weak plot-strand was all-too-neatly tied up by Susan taking to the Double D's stage herself wearing the most stereotypical stripper-esque attire possible (as you do...) to prove Mike would be outraged at men ogling her, and, thus, was wrong for being outraged at Susan's prohibiting of him working at -- and amongst -- Double D's. Always good to have a moral attached to a story which starts and ends with woman degrading themselves by dancing provocatively around poles (!) Thankfully, the rest of the episode was far more endearing and far less ridiculous.

Felicity Huffman as a worn-down and wound-up Lynette Scavo was far and away the best thing in "If...", and she follows it up with another strong turn this week. Clearly not happy that husband Tom (Doug Savant, also excellent) has successfully stepped into her shoes at Carlos's (Ricardo Chavira) firm following the loss of one of her unborn twins, it becomes apparent that she doesn't want to be a stay at home mother this time around because she is struggling with the thought of only looking after one child where there should be two. In the month that has passed (on-screen) between episodes she has been keeping these feelings bottled up, but in letting her repressed emotions out, she leaves Tom a broken man. A broken man who takes a bottle of wine up to bed... isn't it about time the Scavo's had some positive storylines? None of the Fairview folks have an easy ride, but Lynette and Tom seem to come up against a constant barrage of misery and misfortune. I also hope the writer's aren't going to recycle the alcoholic storyline they have already put Bree through in previous seasons.

With youngest daughter Celia clearly making a decent enough recovery following her near-miss in the plane crash to not even garner a mention this week, Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) and Carlos Solis were back to championing Juanita (Madison De La Garza) for a place in a private school. On the cusp of success in an interview with Principal Hobson (John Rubinstein), Juanita's clueless response to her heritage ("I'm Mexican?!") leads to a lesson in ethnic pride for Gaby, who has tended to associate being Mexican with her poor upbringing, and thus downplayed her heritage to her children. A reflective look back over old photographs, and an encouraging word from her (financially successful) husband and all's well again in de casa Solis.

I find Orson Hodge (Kyle MacLachlan) a hard character to sympathise with. He has been through hell what with his impending divorce, discovering wife Bree (Marcia Cross) was having an affair with Karl, and the plane accident which has left him wheelchair bound -- and this is only this season -- yet I cannot trust a man so crafty, devious and interchangeable. Feeling guilty over her adultery, Bree speaks with Reverend Sykes (Dakin Matthews), who suggests she atones for her sin by making it up to Orson and nursing her former love back to health. Neither Bree nor Orson really want this -- Orson would much rather stay with Karen McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) and her man-friend Roy (Orson Bean) -- but Bree is determined to do right by God (plus she has already hired Mike to build an entrance ramp) and sly Orson spies an opportunity to take full advantage, starting with demanding a crème brulee. It's a meagre start, admittedly, but if I know Orson Hodge, this will soon escalate out of control...

Finally, and in lighter news, Ana Solis (Maiara Walsh) -- who you would be forgiven for thinking had left Wisteria Lane given how infrequently she has featured since episode 6.3 -- sets her sights on dating Danny Bolen (Beau Mirchoff), who up until now has only had eyes for Julie Mayer (Andrea Bowen). Following a painful stand-up routine at an Open Mike Night by irritating recurring friend to the local youth, Eddie Orlofsky (Josh Zuckerman), Ana makes her move. Despite initially being cold towards the snooty teen, Danny concedes that he finds Ana cute, and the seeds of a future relationship have been planted.

22 APRIL 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.11 – ''If..."

WRITER: Jamie Gorenberg
DIRECTOR: Larry Shaw
GUEST CAST: Paul Keeley, Evan Arnold, Helen Elgenberg, Craig Tsuyumine, Migel Pérez, Karolinah Villarreal, Gloria Garayua, Zayne Emory, Anthony Traina, Ragan Wallake

[SPOILERS] It is always a gamble for any television show to leave the reality of their characters current situation behind and drift into reverie -- especially when an entire episode is given over to this hypothetical dream world. Images of Courtney Cox in a fat suit on Friends keep popping up in my mind (or any episode of Scrubs, for that matter) as do the words "jumping", "the" and "shark". But given Desperate Housewives' kooky nature, the show has always been able to skirt the unconventional a little more freely than more straight-laced dramas. Even with Teri Hatcher donning a dreaded Monica-esque fat suit, "If..." overcame this visual hiccup and went on to be far and away the greatest and most endearing episode of season 6 to date.

In the aftermath of the plane crash depicted in "Boom, Crunch", the residents of Wisteria Lane are anxiously awaiting news on the condition of those most seriously injured, namely Karl Mayer (Richard Burgi) and Mona Clarke (Maria Cominis). First up, Susan (Teri Hatcher) ponders what might have been had she not divorced her cheating ex-husband but stayed living in "ignorance" of his continuing infidelities, for the sake of their daughter. The answer, apparently, is many years of comfort eating and Karl eventually walking out, anyway. A leopard can't change his spots, as the axiom goes.

This fear is also shared by Karl's most recent lover, Bree (Marcia Cross), who, having needed sedation to deal with the news that, tragically, Karl has passed away, dreams of what might have been had she become the next Mrs Mayer: catch him in bed with her yoga instructor (Ragan Wallake), apparently. It was an oddly unsympathetic tribute to an exiting established character, especially considering an entire episode was devoted to Edie Britt when she died last season, but it was certainly in keeping with Karl's playboy personality.

While Mona Clarke continues struggling for her life, one family is actually praying that she doesn't pull through: the Bolens, who Mona blackmailed prior to the accident to keep quiet about their former lives. As Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) rushes home to pack in case a quick getaway is required, Angie (Drea De Matteo) stays on at the hospital awaiting news, considering what would happen if Mona recovers and reveals all to the police... we finally meet Agent Padilla (Migel Pérez) -- who Nick spoke to over the phone in "The Coffee Cup" -- who interrogates an orange jumpsuited Angie before she is eventually jailed for life without parole because she cannot say where Patrick Logan (the mastermind behind the stunt which led to the initial murder) is. But don't panic yet, Angie, because Mona dies too: "she was hit by the wing of a plane," the nurse reminds them, matter-of-factly.

After daughter Celia (Daniella Baltodano) was saved by Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman), Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker) ponders what Celia will go on to achieve in her purportedly extraordinary life... we see Gabby become a pushy mother, forcing Celia to go to auditions despite having no discernable acting talent, to the point that she pushes husband Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) away and ends up old and grey and living in a ludicrously dilapidated house with a depressed 24-year-old daughter (Gloria Garayua) still chasing her mother's dream. If I were to be harsh, this story felt the most contrived; an excuse to give Gabby some screen time amongst the other Housewives' more compelling storylines. But it was by no means dreadful and it didn't tarnish the high quality of the episode in any way.

Last, and most definitely not least, we reach the emotional jackpot: while in the waiting room, pregnant Lynette feels a pain in her stomach and is rushed to the ward. Concerned that one of the unborn twins is at risk of permanent disability, the doctors take her in for emergency surgery. While in anaesthesia, Lynette dreams of a future taking care of a disabled son, and the hardships and pressures that go with fighting what feels like a losing battle. Thankfully, ever-loyal husband Tom (Doug Savant) is on hand to rally her round at breaking point. Out of all the Housewives, Lynette always does the most authentic job of portraying "browbeaten" and 'harassed', and here was no different, particularly as she physically shakes while refusing -- for his own good -- to help struggling Patrick (Zayne Emory) make his own sandwich. This remarkable and moving segment was crowned by the crushing reality that, unfortunately, the doctors couldn’t save Patrick after all. Heartbreaking.

Bravo, Desperate Housewives: "If..." was a dicey venture which paid dividends. It could so easily have been a ludicrous, cringeworthy affair which stopped the season dead as misplaced fantastical filler following the earth-shattering "Boom, Crunch", but what we got was a spectrum of sensational set pieces featuring fantastically poignant performances evoking a kaleidoscope of emotions; sometimes it pays to take risks.

14 APRIL 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM