Doctor Who's third series (or twenty-ninth if you're being nerdy) returns on March 31st, sans Billie Piper, who has been replaced in the TARDIS by sexy new companion Freema Agyeman.
The show is a huge success story for the BBC, pleasing new and old viewers around the world with its family-friendly style. But, while there's definitely a "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" vibe surrounding the third series, I personally still think Doctor Who isn't really delivering on its massive potential. Yet.
So here's how I would improve it even more, speaking as a critical fan:
1. Get rid of Russell T. Davies.
On the face of it, executive producer RTD has done a magnificent job reinventing the show so successfully, but his input is vastly overrated. With, or without him, Doctor Who would have been a success thanks to its production design, the engaging lead actors and the assembled writing team.
RTD may be a big name in the world of British drama writing, but the fact is that most stories written by him are terrible (Rose, New Earth, Love & Monsters, etc, etc.) Series 1 was primarily a hit because of Christopher Ecclestone, Billie Piper, the Daleks, viewer curiosity and nostalgia. Not smug Mr Davies.
2. Make Steven Moffatt the show-runner.
Assuming my #1 improvement ever happens (RTD has to step down some day, right?), writer Steven Moffatt is the best choice to replace him. All three episodes written by Moffatt have been examples of genius, from the spooky two-parter set during WWII to the time-hopping adventure of Girl In The Fireplace. Moffatt has proven he can write imaginative, funny, original and well-plotted stories. To see him take charge and oversee an entire series would be amazing.
3. Leave Earth.
That TARDIS can go anywhere in Space and Time... just so long as it's London? I understand budgetary demands mean trips to other planets aren't going to happen weekly... but only The Impossible Planet and Satan Pit have taken us properly off-world in 28 episodes!
Like many viewers, I'm fed up with London and variations on space stations. Just once I'd like to feel as if the TARDIS really can take you anywhere in the universe. I even promise not to whinge if it looks suspiciously like a quarry. Honest.
4. Get rid of the soap drama.
RTD's one major contribution to Doctor Who was the inclusion of a mild soap drama format revolving around Rose Tyler, her mother Jackie and her boyfriend Mickey. It was fine to start with because it was interesting to see how Rose's home life would be affected by her adventuring (something Who had never done before, bizarrely).
But, it also meant RTD was free to indulge his soap drama muscles, fuelled by a passion for Coronation Street. Sorry, but when The Doctor is spending half his time traipsing around a council estate trying to appease a chavvy mum, the show just loses its wow factor for me.
5. Enough with the gay stuff!
I'm not homophobic in the slightest, but the gay vibe on the show is a bit high. In moderation, there's nothing wrong with it. Captain Jack's bisexuality was handled quite well, for example, particularly when compared to Torchwood. While the subtext will be lost on younger children, the fact it's almost omnipresent just isn't right.
6. Stop recycling aliens so much.
The Autons were good, weren't they? The Slitheen must have been expensive. How about that Face of Bo, what an oddity he was! Oh, and I love Cassandra, she's brilliant. Fans loved Captain Jack, too. So why not bring them back? All... the... time. I'll tell you why: it's all very well trying to create a sense of "community in space", but this isn't Star Trek!
Admittedly, it's nice when old favourite's return (it wouldn't be the same show without the Daleks gliding around), but straining to bring villains back just because it was expensive to create them annoys me. I'd rather see fresh material, or at least see the repeat performances dished out more evenly. It's only a matter of time before the Queen Of Racnoss gets a repeat performance judging by the work that went into that Christmas Special...
7. Less famous faces.
Doctor Who became self-parody in the 80s and a slew of Z-list celebrities clamoured to appear on the show for kitsch value. Strangely, famous faces are par for the course now. Simon Callow, Tracy-Ann Oberman, Derek Acorah, Sophia Myles, Richard Wilson, Simon Pegg, Roger Lloyd Pack, Zoë Wannamaker, Anthony Head, Peter Kay, etc...
To be honest, many of the celebs have been excellent (Myles and Callow in particular), but when you're thinking "...look, it's Trigger... hey, the bloke from Spaced... didn't she kill Dirty Den?" during most episodes... it's time to call it a day. Plus, there's always the potential for another career lowlight akin to Peter Kay's embarrassing turn...
8. Toilet humour and other unfunny funnies.
Humour has long been a part of the show -- intentional (Tom Baker) or otherwise (that man-eating sofa) -- but the new shows seem to have difficulty getting the balance right. Who can forget the killer bin, farting aliens, the Weakest Link/Big Brother parodies or the infamous face-in-a-paving-stone that alluded to blowjobs?
They were all heinous comedy crimes that caused great embarrassment. By all means keep the comedy, but can we tighten the quality control? Only Steven Moffatt, with his sitcom background, seems capable of straddling the line between laughs and drama.
9. No more stupid humans.
Why don't people react like real human beings on the show? Most of the WORLD'S population were controlled by aliens in The Christmas Invasion. In that same episode a giant spaceship hovered over London, to be followed by another in The Runaway Bride. Big Ben was destroyed by one the year before. Ghosts appeared across the world in Army Of Ghosts, later followed by an intergalactic punch-up between Daleks and Cybermen on the streets of London. But people don't seem to remember any of this the next day!
I know, I know... suspension of disbelief is required obviously here. It's a kid's show, blah-blah-blah. The craziness was neatly joked at in The Runaway Bride with Donna's silly reasons for having missed these global events. But can they just invent some kind of Men In Black-style "memory wipe" system to get around these problem? Or can we just be told that people post-2005 are aware of aliens in the series? Oh no, wait –- that would ruin things for spin-off show Torchwood. Hmm, actually...
10. More mythology.
It's brilliant that Doctor Who hasn't even scratched the surface of its own mythology after two years, but will it ever get around to it? We've yet to visit Gallifrey, see The Master, meet other Time Lords, or learn some Time War specifics. There's a lot of stuff still to cover!
RTD's decision to destroy Gallifrey and the Time Lords was allegedly a deliberate measure to limit mythology and streamline the series into simple adventuring. If true, that's a huge shame for fans. We love a bit of back story and nods to the history of a series. It would be fantastic to explore some underused staples of Doctor Who with the contemporary sass of this new series. Steps were been taken in that direction last year with the appearance of Sarah-Jane and K-9, but... I want more!
So there you have it. There are other quibbles, but I sincerely believe that if the third series fixed any of the above, we'd have a much better show. I eagerly await the day RTD decides to leave, as I think his presence has a stranglehold on the show that isn't good for it long-term.
Things are unlikely to change until ratings drop significantly (unlikely any time soon), so fans are shouting into the wind on these issues. For now. Series 3 will likely be just as good as the previous two (perhaps better without Piper?), but I'm just suggesting that modern Doctor Who isn't quite the perfect piece of British television it's often made out to be.
