Poll Result: What was the best TV treat for Christmas 2010?

Last Monday I asked you to vote for the three best TV specials that were shown over the Christmas/New Year period on British TV. I chose a selection of the big "events" from the festive TV listings magazines (although I forgot to include Misfits -- sorry!), and you've been voting away in your thousands all week. Well, your hundreds. Okay, nearly a hundred.

Whatever the number, I can now reveal the results, in ascending order of popularity, with bite-sized reviews of the Top 5:

#11 The Accidental Farmer, Benidorm - 0%
#10 Rock & Chips, Three Men Go To Scotland, Toast - 0.9%
#9 Strictly Come Dancing, When Harvey Met Bob - 1.8%
#8 Just William, Misfits - 2.7%
#7 The Nativity, The Royle Family, Whistle & I'll Come To You - 4.5%
#6 The One Ronnie - 5.5%


#5 Eric & Ernie - 7.3%

This was a marvelous dramatization of esteemed double-act Morecambe & Wise, written by Peter Bowker (Blackpool), featuring excellent performances from Daniel Rigby and Bryan Dick as Eric Bartholomew (née Morecambe) and Ernie Wise, two child performers who came to work together and, eventually, become Britain's most beloved comedians. As the title implied, Eric & Ernie focused on the pair's early days, ceasing at the moment they found a deepseated confidence, shortly after a notorious flop with TV comedy Running Wild. This was a brilliant treat for fans of the real-life duo, told with heart, style and subtlety. There was fine support from Victoria Wood and Jim Moir (aka Vice Reeves) as Eric's supportive parents, too, and I thought the leads evoked Morecambe & Wise's accents, mannerisms and chemistry amazingly well. In fact, I could watch a sequel, if one's viable. You voted Eric & Ernie in at #5. That's great, but I think it deserved a higher placing.


#4 Top Gear: Three Wise Men - 8.2%

I'm beginning to think Top Gear's central joke is running on fumes. Well, at least in terms of these occasional specials, which have become horribly formulaic. In Three Wise Men, petrolheads Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May were air-dropped into Iraq and told to drive across deserts to Bethlehem, ostensibly following in the footsteps of the Biblical three kings journeying to see the baby Jesus. Hilarity supposedly ensued; in the form of staged "problems", rehearsed repartee, minor hiccups, engine breakdowns, pre-arranged stunts, jocular racism, eye-rolling silliness, and a tedious number of border crossings. The final gag worked nicely -- that the Messiah in his manger was the Second Coming of The Stig -- but that was about it. Still, plenty of you disagree with me – as this was voted the fourth best thing on over Christmas. Really?


#3 Upstairs, Downstairs - 9.1%

I didn't see it, so I can't comment directly. I hear it was a sillier version of ITV's Downton Abbey (which itself owed a debt to the original Upstairs, Downstairs), but by the end it had won a lot of people round. Is that what you thought? A lot of people seemed to enjoy it, voting it to #3 in this poll.


#2 Charlie Brooker's 2010 Wipe - 13.7%

This I did see! Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe has fallen by the wayside in recent times, as he's become so popular he has too many other TV projects to mastermind and bile to spew for The Guardian. But he managed to give us a retrospective of 2010, casting his withering eye over the year's big events. If you're a fan, you'll have lapped this sardonic special up and been left salivating for more. It was indeed very funny at times. It was just a shame he can't mock Konnie Huq's woeful presenting on Xtra Factor this year -- y'know, being married to her now, an 'all. But while I liked this hour of pisstaking, I am somewhat surprised it's been voted to #2!


#1 Doctor Who - 30.2%

Oh, how predictable. But yes, even if I didn't fall hook, line and sinker for the Doctor Who Christmas special this year, it was undoubtedly the most Christmassy treat and the thing most people were looking forward to seeing. The vast majority of you included it in your triptych of votes, making it a landslide #1.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to vote in this poll. Another one is sure to follow soon.

Top Gear HD

Following many complaints from fans, the BBC's Top Gear is finally filming with HD cameras, and the show will be broadcast on BBC HD from 15 November...

Danielle Nagler, BBC HD boss:

"I can confirm that the team is now working with HD cameras on the new series. You've been very clear that this is a BBC programme that for you represents the best of what we do, and that you believe it is one of those series that can benefit most from HD. I agree with you, and I'm confident that the shift will ensure that the cars are glossier and faster than ever, and the presenters... well, probably will look even more like their reflections in the mirror but we'll all have to wait to judge."

Box-Eyed: The Week Ahead

Something a little different on Box-Eyed this week, over at Newslite.tv: a look ahead at eight TV highlights this week, from the return of Torchwood and Mock The Week to 8 Out Of 10 Cats and Top Gear, and plenty more inbetween.

"Arriving to prop up the channel's Thursday night comedy triptych, it's the return of satirical panel show Mock The Week with host Dara O'Briain and comedians Frankie Boyle, Russell Howard, Andy Parsons and Hugh Dennis. It's a show that's suffered from near-constant repeats on Dave (a la QI and Top Gear), but it's always nice to hear some fresh, topical gags. I give it two-minutes before Boyle makes a bad-taste Michael Jackson joke. Earlier if Dara's introduction is short and sweet..." Continue reading...

Christmas Catch-up

The Christmas edition of Radio Times has run out of pages, so I guess that's the official end of Christmas and New Year television. Here are some mini-reviews of shows I watched, but won't get around to reviewing properly...

I was disappointed with Wallace & Gromit: A Matter Of Loaf And Death, weren't you? Great animation, some fun moments, imaginative action scenes, a few good in-jokes (especially Ghost and Aliens), but it all felt too insular, predictable and repetitive to me. Wallace gets another love-interest, there's another killer on the loose (human this time), Wallace just gets dopier and needs rescuing again. The only notable change was having the obligatory dog turn out not to be the villain's accomplice. After the Curse Of The Were-Rabbit feature-length movie (shown earlier that afternoon to highlight this point), Loaf & Death felt like a step backwards for Nick Park. Why not create some new characters, instead of sticking to the safe bet of W&G? Oh well, 15 million people watched, which will hopefully bankroll a BBC-funded movie before Peter Sallis snuffs it.

The Peter Serafinowicz Show Christmas Special was surprisingly good fun, given the fact I disliked the original sketch show when it aired earlier last year. The quality control was definitely higher (although the next-day midnight extended repeat reinserted a lot of grot) and I was glad it didn't just put a festive spin on old sketches. A good 85% of it was new stuff -- and I'm still giggling at the intimidating estate agent ("did I arks you?") and the insane job interview ("you passed the test!") Let's hope a second series builds on this upswing in quality.

Contrarily, the QI Christmas Special was... well, just a regular episode of average quality. I can understand they've run out of seasonal trivia, but this "fire and freezing"-based special wasn't worthy of the Christmas Special tag in the slightest. A big disappointment on that count, but I thought Dom Joly showed promise as a new panellist and Rob Brydon was very funny. I loved his recurring gag of explaining obvious things as if they were secret gems of knowledge.

The Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special was background sparkle for me on Christmas Day. The second "voting scandal" for Strictly in as many weeks overshadowed it, too. This time, four couples tied with 39 points after the judges scores were added up, so the studio vote was entirely redundant, meaning Len Goodman had to put the top four into order of merit before voting could continue. But it was all nicely edited to look like this was the accepted way of handling the situation. As for the show itself: well, Kelly Brook was robbed.

Mock The Week Christmas Special? Nope. Mock The Week repeats all edited together, I think you'll find. Bah, humbug!

I caught bits of Alan Carr's Christmas Ding Dong. I hated the first series of this gameshow (with Carr mistreating "civilian" people in front of his chummy celebrity pals), so it was no surprise the second series quickly changed the format to a celeb-versus-celeb competition. This panto-themed special seemed quite fun, but the only thing I can remember is Paul Daniels planting a smacker on Alan Carr.

The Have I Got News For You? Christmas Special was okay, even though it was just another normal episode, masquerading as a festive special because of fancy dress. I just wish they'd give Alexander Armstrong the hosting job full-time and ditch the annoying guest-host idea entirely.

The 25th anniversary Blackadder Rides Again documentary was fifteen minutes of worthwhile information and footage, separating clips that sometimes didn't even last to the punchlines. G.O.L.D's Blackadder documentary a few months ago covered most of the bases here, so this was a bit tiresome for me. For fans, there wasn't much to get terribly excited about -- unless you liked to be reminded how dour and humourless Rowan Atkinson is in real life (he admits it himself), wanted to see a clip from the original pilot episode (is the whole thing available as a DVD extra?), and that terrible last shot of Blackadder Goes Forth (before a bit of slo-mo and piano music transform it into one of British comedy's greatest moments.)

ITV really didn't have a good Christmas, did they? Did they have anything worth watching? Oh yes, Affinity. Shame I missed that. Harry Hill's TV Burp Review Of The Year seemed like a safe bet, but I think I can feel a backlash coming on for Mr. Hill. After winning two BAFTAs this year, I'm kind of expecting more from this show now. And, truth be told, it all looks a bit too half-baked, formulaic and childish to me now. Maybe it always was? The clever, eagle-eyed observations are being swamped by desk-set slapstick. There are still some laughs, but this special wasn't much fun. I hope Harry manages to recharge for 2009, but ITV are flogging their only comedy hit to death with this extended run. A breezy seven episodes every three months is enough for me.

Charlotte Church's Nutcracking Christmas Special was on in the background, so I caught bits and pieces. For me, Charlotte's still a damn terrible presenter who should stick to singing. And the full-on celebration of Wales over the past five years is beginning to annoy me (with Ruth Jones and Rhydian flying the Welsh flag here.) Want proof that Charlotte Church should just disappear, or get back in the recording studio? Check out her unfunny secret camera stunt with Jeremy Edwards (feeding him ideas as he auditioned panto actresses) A terrible moment in Charlotte's hand, rescued completely by James Corden grabbing her mic and ad-libbing funnier ideas than anything Charlotte's feeble mind could improvise.

While hardly in the festive spirit, Top Gear's Vietnam Special was great, blokey fun. Clarkson, Hammond and May pootling up Vietnam in clapped-out scooters, aiming to complete the journey in eight days. Torrential rain, unexpected natural beauty (a good advert for the Vietnam Tourist board, funnily enough), war memorials, silly games, a daft driving license challenge, and more staged comedy interludes (the transporting of cumbersome gifts was particularly strained.) As usual, you're never sure what genuinely happened, and what was orchestrated by the production team weeks in advance... but when it's all this entertaining, I really don't care enough to complain. Catch it on Dave in 2009, every two hours.

I also saw BBC Four's Crooked House three-part chiller from writer-actor Mark Gatiss, and thought it was very good. In fact, I liked it enough that full review will hopefully be along next week.

What about you? Did the Christmas TV schedules impress you this year? Too many repeats? Were the specials not really special enough? Did anyone care about the return of oldies like The Royle Family, Rab C. Nesbitt and Jonathan Creek?

Top Gear: On your Marky Mark, get set, GO!

Did you see Mark Wahlberg on Top Gear last night, driving around their track as the "star in a reasonably-priced car"? It was unusual to see a proper A-list celeb on the show who isn't of British stock, wasn't?

Well, the former Marky Mark was only there because all the booked guests for the temporarily-defunct Friday Night With Jonathan Ross now have gaps in their publicity schedule (hence Jeremy Clarkson being forced to show a clip of Max Payne.) But really, a high-speed car ride with The Stig, followed by a blokey chat with Clarkson about cars and Olga Kurylenko, is surely preferable to being impertinently grilled by Mr. Ross.

It got me thinking, too: will Top Gear, or other shows, be able to poach Ross' high-profile guests until he returns in January? Maybe we can get Tom Hanks making a meal on Ready Steady Cook? Or how about Angelina Jolie interviewed on Blue Peter? Clint Eastwood releasing the lottery balls? It's a shame Celebrity Scissorhands has just finished, or we could trim Beyonce's bonce!


16 November 2008
BBC1, 8pm

TV Week 24: Most Haunted, Cookalong Live, The Inbetweeners & Top Gear

My twenty-fourth column at Newslite.tv is a bumper edition, with quickie reviews for Most Haunted's tenth series, Channel 4's Gordon Ramsay's Cookalong Live, the terrestrial airing of E4 teen-comedy The Inbetweeners and the return of Top Gear on Sunday nights. Enjoy! And please comment, if you can. It's nice to hear your thoughts.

TV Week 9: Top Gear, MeeBOX & The Culture Show

After a short break, my ninth TV Week column is up at Newslite.tv, featuring reviews for the return of Top Gear, Adam Buxton's comedy pilot MeeBOX and The Culture Show. Enjoy!

TOP GEAR: OUT OF AFRICA

The Top Gear specials are undoubted highlights of the show, otherwise they wouldn't be termed "specials", surely? After recently travelling to the North Pole in a "car versus sled" adventure, the Top Gear trio ventured to sunnier climes – to cross the Botswana in three sub-£1500 cars...

As usual, each presenter's choice of vehicle was ridiculed by the other two: Jeremy Clarkson went for a 1981 Lancia, James May chose a 1984 Mercedes 230E and Richard Hammond plumped for a 1963 Opal Cadet. As the rules states, all three vehicles weren't allowed to be 4x4, or at all suited to the African off-road, which made the challenge all the more interesting...

With the people of Surrey claiming they need big 4x4 off-roaders to cope tiny hills, the challenge was designed to prove that even decrepit cars can cope with the dust, heat and inhospitable African landscape.

Beginning on the Botswana/Zimbabwe border, they started the 1000 mile trip across the "spine of Africa" to Namibia. Even the Vice President of Botswana arrived in a microlight to wish them good luck, as no car had ever driven across the nearby salt flats, which are as wide as Portugal!

The problem facing Top Gear specials is one of believability. I never expect stark reality from these shows, as it's obviously never just 3 men being sent out into harsh environment with no back-up. The support of a camera crew and mechanics is therefore a given, even if their presence constantly undermines attempts to make everything seem very perilous.

There will also be some rehearsed jokes and amusing ideas/tricks to play on each other -- which is fine. The sight of James May's car being packed with a cow's head and chunks of meat to attract flies and lions was very funny, even if it didn't seem to work and went undiscovered by May...

I only really get frustrated with these Top Gear specials if great chunks of the adventure begin to play like everything's on autopilot. There wasn't too much of that here, although a sudden decision to traverse a river seemed a bit strange. The team never saw a river on their maps when they were planning this trip?! Plus, if they were so close to the finish, would they risk certain drowning like that? No, of course not. A calculated risk.

Overall it was all good fun and seemed less pre-arranged than the trip across the US Deep South awhile back. I could have done without "Stig's African Cousin" turning up to pointlessly race the cars around a track, though...

As ever, it's the Boy's Own spirit and cynical camaraderie that proved most enjoyable, with the trio's banter always amusing to listen to. The visuals are also superb at times considering the difficulties facing the film crew on such trips. In particular, some sunset sequences and views across the vast Kalahari Desert were great – although, as Clarkson noted, the crew's ability to capture giraffes and elephants on camera won't be giving David Attenborough sleepless nights!

Was it environmentally insensitive? Well, I don't think 3 old bangers (the cars, not the drivers) travelling across Africa is going to cause much harm to planet Earth -- in the grand scheme of things. Critics need to look at the millions of parents taking their kids to school in 4x4's when there are buses to be used, before they start acting holier-than-thou about Top Gear!

This wasn't the best Top Gear special -- and originality was diminished by the fact it was a lead-in to Ewan MacGregor and Charlie Boardman's own African adventure for The Long Way Down – but it was still an entertaining way to spend an hour.


4 November 2007
BBC2, 8.00 pm

Top Gear: Polar Special

I really enjoy the special Top Gear episodes, usually involving burning rubber across western Europe, boy's own adventures through the American Deep South, or attempting to turn a Robin Reliant into a reusable spaceship...

The latest wheeze involved a race to the North Pole from Canada, across treacherous ice, whilst avoiding hungry polar bears and suffering -35 degrees. The twist was how the race would be made: Richard Hammond travelled on a sled pulled by ten huskies, while Jeremy Clarkson and James May drove in a 4x4.

As always with these things, chunks seemed to be staged for the cameras and carefully edited for maximum dramatic effect, but it was certainly enjoyable. Which is the main thing!

From the trio's snow-training -- involving Hammond skiing into foreigners, and Clarkson being shoved into an ice hole by their special forces instructor -- it was all good boy's own fun. I'm sure Clarkson's fans (and especially his haters) all had a good laugh at his expense, as he emerged shivering and shocked into uncharacteristic silence. Credit to him though, as Hammond and May's own icy dips were conspicuously absent from the show.

The race itself wasn't as exciting as the "car vs airplane" across France a few years back, but it be ame a foregone conclusion that machine would beat dog after the first half hour. Only a catastrophic breakdown would have seen defeat snatched from Clarkson and May.

It was also a shame the emphasis was more on the 4x4 and less on the huskies, as Hammond seemed to have genuinely suffered in comparison. Still, I suppose Top Gear is a motoring magazine show.

What became noticeable in the Polar Special far more than previous Top Gear specials was the support crew. Obviously there are always camera crews around to film everything, but Clarkson seemed to have every Icelandic mechanic at his disposal! If it truly had been "a car" versus "some dogs", Hammond would have won -- as the 4x4 had to be bungee-pulled out of ice and got wedged between snow boulders every six hours.

Still, the end result and the unfairness wasn't the point. The three men just have a fun chemistry together, even if some of their gags are rehearsed and staged for the cameras, such as May bringing poncy food/gin along for the ride, or being driven away whilst still perched on the rear-bumper's toilet. But they're still funny.

But more interesting were the moments when reality broke through: Hammond taking three attempts to count to 10... Clarkson fearing for his life on wafer-thin ice... May becoming irritable when putting up the tent, etc.

It was also mildly informative. Now I know you can fit a wheel by dousing it in lighter fuel and setting fire to it! Or that you get out of snow by gently rocking the vehicle back and forth. And that huskies are seriously tough!

Moments of stunning beauty, such as the Star Trek-style "alien sun" and glimpses of polar bears, were also memorable... as was James May's dry comment to Richard Hammond, by phone, after finally winning: "Hammond? May. Bad luck."