"What a dreary, forsaken place. Even the fish have left."-- Malcolm McLaren
Originally intended for primetime ITV last August, reality series The Baron finally arrives on the airwaves 10 months after it was filmed, dumped into a 10:35 timeslot. Since filming ended last July (a TV lifetime ago), former-popstar Suzanne Shaw has won Dancing On Ice, Sex Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren flew out to Australia (but refused to leave his hotel room) for I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, and EastEnders legend Mike Reid sadly died.
It was Reid's death that put the brakes on The Baron last summer, out of respect for the comic actor's passing -- but now this series, his last TV appearance, is being shown as a tribute with his family's blessing...
The Baron, then. What's it all about? Basically, the parochial fishing village of Gardenstown in north-east Scotland need a new Baron, so 3 celebrities arrive hoping to win the position. Each celeb stays with a family during their stay, while running a political campaign to gather support from the villagers, who will select their Baron in a secret ballot 10 days later.
As you'd expect, there are cultural problems to overcome with the god-fearing villagers. They're an old-fashioned bunch whose religious attitudes cause problems for "godfather of anarchy" Malcolm McLaren – forced to stay with two elderly evangelists who haven’t a clue who he is. The whole experience is something of an ego-crushing experience for Malcolm, really. But it's hard to feel sympathy for a man who admits that St Alban's is as far north as he's ever been. And was it me, or did McLaren wakes up at noon and come downstairs with a face smeared with talcum powder?
Mike Reid is more accepting of the cultural divide and plays his "man of the people" role, in-between cracking jokes that sometimes fall on deaf ears. It helps that he seems genuinely appreciative of the village's rundown, rambling beauty – and people know who he is, which helps him make the biggest impact. And, to be frank (no pun intended), he's more affable and open to the experience than the others. But I'm not sure how much of this is a "likeable everyman" performance he's honed through the years. Are we seeing Frank Butcher or Mike Reid?
Smiley, bubbly Suzanne is certainly a big hit with the kids -- who follow her around rather excitedly for autographs, possibly just amazed to see an adult without a lattice of wrinkles on their face. Gardenstown has an average age of 63 by the looks of it...
In this first episode, which covered the first few days, the celebs basically introduce themselves to the locals. Mike strolls around the village, cracking gags in the local Spa (ooh, the tumbleweeds) and joshing with drinkers in the pub, before unsettling a vicar who overhears his plan to introduce 24-hour drinking if he wins. Suzanne is all teeth as she bounces door-to-door meeting people. Malcolm decides his only chance at victory lies with securing the underclass vote, so he hones in on a leather-clad middle-aged man for a chat.
The main "task" involved giving a speech to the community in the town hall. Mike trots out his catchphrase ("Paaaaat!") and endeared himself with humble, respectful words about the sense of community in Gardenstown. Suzanne speaks honestly about how much she has to learn about village life and being a baron(ess). Malcolm's speech is full of words that go over the heads of most people (English is a second language for some, too), but they certainly understand his worrying claims to be "wicked" and a "bad boy". Eyes roll as they listen to the sinner in their midst. Pitchforks at the ready...
The audience write anonymous comments on slips of paper after the speeches end, for the celebs to read back home. Mike is disappointed to learn a few villagers don't trust him, or believe his commitment to their village after just a few days. Suzanne is angry someone thinks she has "no substance" (and that they spelt substance wrong.) Malcolm is peeved to find someone has labelled him "strange". The very idea!
I'd certainly label this programme "strange", though -- but it was also oddly beguiling in its cheapness and silliness. It's all a rather weak popularity contest (already a two-horse race between Mike and Suzanne), but there's fun to be had in the village's old attitudes, which give everything a whiff of Royston Vasey with religion.
I predict Suzanne will win, for what it's worth. She's got the youth vote sewn up and her cheeriness will endear her to much of the older generation. Mike can probably count on old fans (and there are plenty there), but might find he comes across as a little "fake". As for Malcolm... well, I think I can hear the villagers constructing their Wicker Man already.
24 April 2008
ITV1, 10.35 pm
