The 24th Bond movie, Spectre, is out today in UK cinemas. And below are seven statements you'd never, ever, ever hear Commander James Bond say.
1. "Not tonight, love – I've got a headache."
2. "The ejector seat and side-mounted missiles are all very well, Q... but how many miles per gallon does this baby do?"
3. "Diet Coke, extra ice, with a twist of lemon."
4. "I'm just popping out to Gregg's on my lunch hour, M – do you want me to pick you up a sausage roll?"
5. "Pussy Galore? Your name implies you have a lot of vagina, what were your parents thinking?"
6. "Private jet to the Maldives? Do you have a sucky-sweet on you? My ears are prone to going 'pop'."
7. "Hello. My name's James Bond."
Feel free to suggest your own below!