EUROVISION 2007: MAKING MY MIND UP
Over the weekend, Europe's oddballs descended on Helsinki, Finland, dresssed in ridiculous garments held together by sequins, waving flags as if their life depended on it. And that was just the fans...
It was Eurovision. Again. Yes, that singing celebration of xenophobia designed to bring Europe together, but pushing us further and further apart. As Brits, we felt obliged to enter our own heinous crime against entertainment (90s pop failures Scooch -- the poor man's Steps, if you can imagine that!). Scooch were sent forth to beat Johnny Foreigner at their own game: cheesy choreography, camp costumes, dreadful singing and innuendos.
Nobody takes Eurovision seriously (as if!), so why do I find myself secretly willing Scooch to win? They didn't, of course. We don't really expect to get in the top 10 these days, certainly not since sub-Butlins act Gemini got nil point in 2003. Scooch limped home second-last, taking solace in the fact we got a top score from Malta (ahem, a fellow George Cross island.) Those nice Irish people even threw us some scraps, although we didn't return the favour, so don't expect the Emerald Isle to come to our rescue in '08...
The voting remains politically biased. But, while we shout at the screen when the Balkan States club together, or the Eastern Block backslap each other, who are we to complain? They're just being neighbourly. We'd expect the same from Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales if the UK were ever divided. The difference is everyone would take delight in snubbing us!
So maybe our annoyance stems more from the fact Europeans have neighbours they can count on? Of course, some cynics believe countries sharing a border are fearful war would break out if 12-points isn't customarily awarded every year. Can you imagine future generations reading about a war sparked by the results of a camp singing competition?
In all seriousness, political voting is definitely frustrating and undermines the integrity (hehe) of the show. The winner is rarely the best song anyway! That's what happens when you have a public vote. It's certainly more diplomatic and lucrative for the organisers, but I pine for the days of bored-looking national judges. At least with "experts" dishing out the points there's some element of professionalism and a hope for impartiality. The phone-voting public are just too inclined to vote for the worst act for a giggle.
Also, given recent phone scandals in the UK, should we even have faith in Eurovision's voting? Nearly every European country is organizing a nation-wide telephone vote at the exact same time? It's a recipe for disaster! I bet thousands, if not millions, of votes go unregistered and affect the outcome. Just wait for that scandal to break one day...
Is this a case of sour grapes? Maybe. For all its ridiculousness, I still want us to win. There was something nice about rubbing Europe's nose in it when Katrina And The Waves reached #1 back in '97..
Maybe we've given up. Katrina's gang were normal, even boring, by comparison to who we send these days. In 2007 we intentionally send the cruddiest, silliest act to Eurovision. Again, the British public vote for who we send and we seem to think the cheesier the better.
If we lose, it's to be expected. If we win, it means Europe has no musical taste. Win-win.
I'm just not sure I can take another year of this event. Terry Wogan's lauded commentary is losing its appeal to me as the years pass. He uses the same script each year! Yes, we know the audience are nutters, Terry... we know the grinning hosts will flirt badly... we know Sweden will vote for Norway... we know each country's reps will speak slowly to build their part... we know the linking videos will be pretty but weird... we know, Terry, we know. You tell us every year.
As always, mere days after Eurovision failure, I have a seething hatred for France, Germany, Spain and all the other countries who didn't "get" our entry. I mean, it was Scooch! They're gay icons. They sang a crap song. They made sexual innuendos. They were dressed as camp flight attendants. What more do these people want?!
I never want to watch this repetitive and formulaic show ever, ever again. Well... until next year, when I'll probably be pinning Euro glory on Chesney Hawkes, Peter Andre, a reformed Steps, the latest one to leave Sugababes or Abs from Five...
Over the weekend, Europe's oddballs descended on Helsinki, Finland, dresssed in ridiculous garments held together by sequins, waving flags as if their life depended on it. And that was just the fans...
It was Eurovision. Again. Yes, that singing celebration of xenophobia designed to bring Europe together, but pushing us further and further apart. As Brits, we felt obliged to enter our own heinous crime against entertainment (90s pop failures Scooch -- the poor man's Steps, if you can imagine that!). Scooch were sent forth to beat Johnny Foreigner at their own game: cheesy choreography, camp costumes, dreadful singing and innuendos.
Nobody takes Eurovision seriously (as if!), so why do I find myself secretly willing Scooch to win? They didn't, of course. We don't really expect to get in the top 10 these days, certainly not since sub-Butlins act Gemini got nil point in 2003. Scooch limped home second-last, taking solace in the fact we got a top score from Malta (ahem, a fellow George Cross island.) Those nice Irish people even threw us some scraps, although we didn't return the favour, so don't expect the Emerald Isle to come to our rescue in '08...
The voting remains politically biased. But, while we shout at the screen when the Balkan States club together, or the Eastern Block backslap each other, who are we to complain? They're just being neighbourly. We'd expect the same from Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales if the UK were ever divided. The difference is everyone would take delight in snubbing us!
So maybe our annoyance stems more from the fact Europeans have neighbours they can count on? Of course, some cynics believe countries sharing a border are fearful war would break out if 12-points isn't customarily awarded every year. Can you imagine future generations reading about a war sparked by the results of a camp singing competition?
In all seriousness, political voting is definitely frustrating and undermines the integrity (hehe) of the show. The winner is rarely the best song anyway! That's what happens when you have a public vote. It's certainly more diplomatic and lucrative for the organisers, but I pine for the days of bored-looking national judges. At least with "experts" dishing out the points there's some element of professionalism and a hope for impartiality. The phone-voting public are just too inclined to vote for the worst act for a giggle.
Also, given recent phone scandals in the UK, should we even have faith in Eurovision's voting? Nearly every European country is organizing a nation-wide telephone vote at the exact same time? It's a recipe for disaster! I bet thousands, if not millions, of votes go unregistered and affect the outcome. Just wait for that scandal to break one day...
Is this a case of sour grapes? Maybe. For all its ridiculousness, I still want us to win. There was something nice about rubbing Europe's nose in it when Katrina And The Waves reached #1 back in '97..
Maybe we've given up. Katrina's gang were normal, even boring, by comparison to who we send these days. In 2007 we intentionally send the cruddiest, silliest act to Eurovision. Again, the British public vote for who we send and we seem to think the cheesier the better.
If we lose, it's to be expected. If we win, it means Europe has no musical taste. Win-win.
I'm just not sure I can take another year of this event. Terry Wogan's lauded commentary is losing its appeal to me as the years pass. He uses the same script each year! Yes, we know the audience are nutters, Terry... we know the grinning hosts will flirt badly... we know Sweden will vote for Norway... we know each country's reps will speak slowly to build their part... we know the linking videos will be pretty but weird... we know, Terry, we know. You tell us every year.
As always, mere days after Eurovision failure, I have a seething hatred for France, Germany, Spain and all the other countries who didn't "get" our entry. I mean, it was Scooch! They're gay icons. They sang a crap song. They made sexual innuendos. They were dressed as camp flight attendants. What more do these people want?!
I never want to watch this repetitive and formulaic show ever, ever again. Well... until next year, when I'll probably be pinning Euro glory on Chesney Hawkes, Peter Andre, a reformed Steps, the latest one to leave Sugababes or Abs from Five...
