Week 2 of... well, it's easier to cope with if you think in terms of months.
So, it's Month 1 of 4... and I can't yet fathom why the X Factor decided to "shake up the format" by including Dannii Minogue, a woman famous for being "Kylie's not-as-good sister". She's apparently had a big pop career if you believe the show's blurb, but all I can remember of it is a succession of poor albums in a Woolworths bargain bin.
At the moment, Dannii is content to just sit behind the desk with Simon, Sharon and Louis, doing her best impression of a talent show judge (i.e, offer little reasons for any decisions, rarely give constructive criticism). Instead, she just looks pretty and likes to hiss "yessss" when an average wedding singer suddenly resembles Frank Sinatra, because he followed a mentally deranged OAP.
At this early stage, The X Factor is the TV equivalent of a Roman Colosseum, with Emperor Cowell turning his thumb down to tone-deaf simpletons as the millions of TV viewers cheer their approval at home. But there was little to enjoy in Week 2, with the whole show painfully predictable after four long years.
You know exactly who will/won't be put through to Boot Camp (especially as the production team filter thousands into a manageable few hundred of clearly "good" and "bad"). You didn't really think Cowell and cronies have the time or inclination to listen to thousands of people every day, did you? They'd still be sat in Cardiff come March!
No, everything is a little bit twisted for the cameras on shows like this. Do you think Sharon Osbourne genuinely recognized former hopeful Paris? A girl she'd heard sing for a few minutes 12 months ago? Don't be silly! Last year, moon-faced Paris was one of those "sob stories" X Factor love so much; a little girl who got through her audition but immediately admitted she was too young to enter...
But she's back and brimming with confidence this year, thanks to the age limit being lowered to 14. She impressed all four judges... despite a painful few minutes of screeching. Sure, she can hit some high notes, but her audition showed no real emotion. It was a very mechanical. But, even Simon Cowell isn't nasty enough to say no, particularly as it would suggest she's getting worse year by year, poor girl.
For those who only watch for the morons, there were a few notables this week: an unintelligible old man, a whispery Indian guy who had compiled a massive list of bad choices to sing badly, and the Nutter Of The Week... "John The Song", a Cardiff maths teacher (who can't work out how to open a door), who proceeded to prance around whilst murdering a Tom Jones classic. Cowell told him it was "horrific". "Horrifically good?" poor deluded John replied...
The X Factor's early stages live or die by the quality of the quality of its loonies, but they seem to be thin on the ground right now. It's a sad day when British talent getting better undermines the entertainment quality of a talent show! But maybe even the crackpots are finally realizing the best you can realistically hope to win on the X Factor is a summer stint at Butlins -- not a hit album! Some contestants are clearly arriving with a massive chip on their shoulder months before the show has a chance to dash their hopes come winter...
Dermot O'Leary, the other injection of "freshness" alongside Ms Minogue, is doing a capable job of presenting. He's actually becoming Mr Saturday Night, thanks to an unfortunate scheduling clash that has him presenting 1 Vs 100 at the exact same time on BBC1. I'm sure you can find on a Big Brother's Little Brother repeat somewhere, too...
