I'm a terrible cook. My cuisine generally involves tin cans, microwaves, and the local pizzeria on speed-dial. I have no chance of ever becoming a chef, and used to think a Michelin star was a way of grading tyres...
But, after watching Channel 4's Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares since it began in 2004, I believe I could confidently turn around the fortunes of any ailing restaurant... because it's the same thing every week, isn't it?
1: Simplify the menu. 2: Change the décor. 3: Rename the restaurant, maybe. 4: Shout at the slackers in the kitchen. 5: Praise the half-decent workers. 6: Scrub the kitchen equipment. 7: Do some publicity (it helps if you're Gordon Ramsey with a film crew, though...) 8: Slash your prices. 9: Only buy local produce from the market. Et, voila!
However, while every episode of this Gordon Ramsey-fronted reality show smells similar to every other, its success lies in its ability to make the predictable utterly compelling. Super-chef Gordon Ramsey himself remains an engaging television presence, even if his potty-mouthed shtick is slowly blunting with overexposure.
Episode 1 of this fifth series found us along Brighton's seafront, where Allan Love's restaurant Ruby Tates is going down the pan (and not of the frying variety.) Poor Allan is a jovial bloke and former musical star (you might not remember him from trashy classic The Apple), who's pumped his hard-earned cash into a seafood restaurant business -- despite not liking the taste of fish himself!
The problems at Ruby Tates are obvious: two lazy cooks, Australian Jamie and Frenchman Alex, who are only there for the cash; hideous modern art paintings covering the walls; the fact a meal for 3 costs £175; dangerous muscles being served to people; the absence of a controlling Head Chef; and Allan's own laidback, ignorant attitude as his business fails and he faces the prospect of selling his house...
While Ramsey can be accused of exaggerating his personality for the cameras (and Allan does, on numerous occasions!), Kitchen Nightmares is still the best vehicle for the hot-tempered chef. He'll always be full of swagger, bluster, shark-eyed stares, and clipped speech-patterns sprinkled with swear words, but Nightmares is the only show where you see some real emotion and empathy from the irrascible Scotsman (who, is turns out, does an awful Scottish accent!)
In the end, after turning Ruby Tates into Love's Fish Restaurant, white-washing the walls, focusing on (pollock) fish and chips, making Jamie the Head Chef, and inviting "Brighton Royalty" along to the re-launch. But they must have been busy, so Zoë Ball, Fatboy Slim and DI Burnside from The Bill came along instead.
2 months later, and Allan's house is still up for sale, but the restaurant is making a good profit now. Although, word to the wise, it's probably a good idea to keep Allan away from the karaoke... no wonder he swapped singing for seafood! And you didn't do it "My Way", you did it "Gordon's Way", so remember that...
And so we leave Gordon Ramsey walking down a dark Brighton street, mumbling obscenities to himself – mission accomplished – in a shot reminiscent of The Incredible Hulk's sunset epilogue. But with more F-words.
30 October 2007
Channel 4, 9.00 pm
But, after watching Channel 4's Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares since it began in 2004, I believe I could confidently turn around the fortunes of any ailing restaurant... because it's the same thing every week, isn't it?
1: Simplify the menu. 2: Change the décor. 3: Rename the restaurant, maybe. 4: Shout at the slackers in the kitchen. 5: Praise the half-decent workers. 6: Scrub the kitchen equipment. 7: Do some publicity (it helps if you're Gordon Ramsey with a film crew, though...) 8: Slash your prices. 9: Only buy local produce from the market. Et, voila!
However, while every episode of this Gordon Ramsey-fronted reality show smells similar to every other, its success lies in its ability to make the predictable utterly compelling. Super-chef Gordon Ramsey himself remains an engaging television presence, even if his potty-mouthed shtick is slowly blunting with overexposure.
Episode 1 of this fifth series found us along Brighton's seafront, where Allan Love's restaurant Ruby Tates is going down the pan (and not of the frying variety.) Poor Allan is a jovial bloke and former musical star (you might not remember him from trashy classic The Apple), who's pumped his hard-earned cash into a seafood restaurant business -- despite not liking the taste of fish himself!
The problems at Ruby Tates are obvious: two lazy cooks, Australian Jamie and Frenchman Alex, who are only there for the cash; hideous modern art paintings covering the walls; the fact a meal for 3 costs £175; dangerous muscles being served to people; the absence of a controlling Head Chef; and Allan's own laidback, ignorant attitude as his business fails and he faces the prospect of selling his house...
While Ramsey can be accused of exaggerating his personality for the cameras (and Allan does, on numerous occasions!), Kitchen Nightmares is still the best vehicle for the hot-tempered chef. He'll always be full of swagger, bluster, shark-eyed stares, and clipped speech-patterns sprinkled with swear words, but Nightmares is the only show where you see some real emotion and empathy from the irrascible Scotsman (who, is turns out, does an awful Scottish accent!)
In the end, after turning Ruby Tates into Love's Fish Restaurant, white-washing the walls, focusing on (pollock) fish and chips, making Jamie the Head Chef, and inviting "Brighton Royalty" along to the re-launch. But they must have been busy, so Zoë Ball, Fatboy Slim and DI Burnside from The Bill came along instead.
2 months later, and Allan's house is still up for sale, but the restaurant is making a good profit now. Although, word to the wise, it's probably a good idea to keep Allan away from the karaoke... no wonder he swapped singing for seafood! And you didn't do it "My Way", you did it "Gordon's Way", so remember that...
And so we leave Gordon Ramsey walking down a dark Brighton street, mumbling obscenities to himself – mission accomplished – in a shot reminiscent of The Incredible Hulk's sunset epilogue. But with more F-words.
30 October 2007
Channel 4, 9.00 pm
