STRICTLY COME (DIRTY) DANCING - Week 2

This weekend it was the turn of the celebrity ladies to shake a leg, so I'm sure every red-blooded man was only too pleased to "put up" with their partner insisting they watch Strictly Come Dancing.

The girls were performing either a quick-step or a "raunchy" rumba -- and I know which one I had my fingers crossed for, as they tend to dictate length of dresses...

Stephanie Beacham
"A great personality" as her dance partner Vincent described her. I don't have anything bad to say about Stephanie, as she's quite a looker for someone her age, and she was definitely hot back in the 80s, but watching her glide around in a ballroom gown wasn't very exciting. I'm glad she was voted off on Sunday. The 6-6-6-6 Judge vote was an omen!

Leticia Dean
Is it okay to fancy Sharon Watts? I think she's sexy because you rarely see her showing some leg around Albert Square, and she's the most "normal" looking one of the celeb women. You know, someone you might actually have a chance with. Anyway, she didn't do too badly and showed some great legs -- even if they did seem out of proportion with her body.

Kate Garroway
Oh dear. Nice effort, given her leg injury -- but that was pretty awful, wasn't it? And the long dress didn't help -- from a salacious point of view. In some quarters she's considered a MILF, but I couldn't possibly comment. Still, I'm glad she beat Beacham in Sunday's vote-off.

Alesha Dixon
See, even the BBC know the straight men are watching for the sexy babes, so they purposefully put all the hottest beauties near the end. Alesha's always struck me as a beautiful leggy diva who never got the break she deserved, so I hope she does well. She's certainly got my vote if she sticks to those tiny, sparkling dresses and shows more of those perfect pins!

Penny Lancaster
Mrs Rod Stewart is a real stunner, but the quick-step dresses don't show much, do they? I hope she breaks into some sexier dance moves for next week, as she's probably a safe bet to win or come runner-up.

Kelly Brook
The undoubted star of the show, thankfully paired with the highly-sexed Brendan Cole -- who can be relied on to bend Kelly into some alluring positions, Billy Zane permitting. Wonderful golden dress, shapely legs and winning smile.

Gabby Logan
Is it just me, or is Gabby Logan aging quickly? I'm not saying she's a wrinkled old hag, but she does seems more middle-aged than her ITV appearances suggest. Anyway, it was another disappointing turn, especially considering her sex appeal and long legs, but she's definitely worth keeping in.

Overall, it was a bit of a disappointment -- beyond exotic Alesha and beautiful Kelly's white-hot performances. Can't they all have done the rumba? Or "roomba" as Tess Daly pronounces it. Well, maybe not Stephanie, though...

As usual, it's the professional women dancers who are the most entertaining and sexy -- as the group dance proved. There's something very attractive about these girls, just through their body language and energy when they dance. In fact, whenever they stand around doing nothing they lose half their sex-appeal. Well, except for the beautiful Lilia, Camilla and Ola. Of course.

So, it was another week of watching Bruce Forsyth edge closer to a live, on-air meltdown -- as he forgot Vincent Simone's name after 5 years. Brucie's a national treasure and TV would be a sadder place without him, but the audience's sympathetic laughing and clapping always make me cringe. Still, his jacket ad-lib with Anton was very funny.

Random irritations: 12.5p of every phone vote goes to charity? Hey, why not round it up to 13p you stingy so-and-so's! And why open the phone votes after only 3 dancers have performed? Am I supposed to be psychic now?! Open them at the end of the show -- we have until Sunday evening to register our vote now, anyway!

Keeeeeep dancing.