STRICTLY COME (DIRTY) DANCING

For the first three seasons of this celebrity dance show, I just didn't get it. I've never liked ballroom dancing, or dancing of any kind really, so the prospect of watching professionals throw a bunch of desperate celebrities around a dance floor, once a week, just didn't appeal.

But, something changed last year. I actually caught more than a few episodes on Saturday night and actually became amazed by the commitment and skills some of the celebs had acquired. They all seemed genuinely interested and motivated to be there, too. Sure, there are always going to be some with a half-eye on their career (and who can blame them, really?) but there were fewer than you see clogging up Celebrity Big Brother and I'm A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here.

The judges are also worthy of mention. Now, like most people watching, I have absolutely no idea what really constitutes bad dancing and good dancing. I can tell when someone is awful, but the nuances about what these guys are doing right/wrong is a mystery to me. And that's what makes the Strictly judges so interesting and relevant...

I'm fed up with overpaid judges like Simon Cowell state the bloody obvious week-after-week on X Factor. Everyone can tell the difference between beautifully singing and screeching like an asthmatic cat, so the judges are superfluous on singing shows. But the feedback and advice from the Strictly judges about dancing are constructive, insightful, and serve a real purpose.

Series 5 of Strictly Come Dancing premiered last night, again hosted by legendary Bruce Forsythe and leggy Tess Daly. Bruce is another reason to watch the show as he's morphed into the nation's fun, but rather embarrassing granddad. Tess meanwhile, as gorgeous as she is, still looks a little uncomfortable on such a flagship show.

But, I have to admit, a rather large part of Strictly's appeal (for a heterosexual man with two left feet), are all those sexy women in tiny, sparkling dresses -- hopefully dancing provocatively and flashing their knickers.

There, I said it. It's out there.

The celebrity girls unfortunately didn't dance this week (ignoring a just-for-larks group dance, anyway), so it was down to the professional dancers to dazzle on the dance floor….

My scores:

Flavia Cacace
Matt Di'Angelo's a lucky guy for being partnered with the luscious Flavia (even her name has the whiff of a cheeky Austin Powers gag.) Di'Angelo's sure to attract young female voters, so we'll hopefully get to see more of Flavia and her exotic, feline look.

Karen Hardy
There's something a bit severe about Karen, although I admire her determination and panache. As last year's winner, she's clearly been given a middling partner in the shape of Corrie killer Brian Capron. Oh well, she looked pretty in her long dress, but it kept her legs hidden...

Lilia Kopylova
This self-proclaimed "Russian minx", with a saucy surname, is just full of a wild energy, compact body and some wonderful legs. She's sadly been partnered with goon Dominic Littlewood, but hopefully Dom can sort out his timing issues so the luscious Lilia can dance around around our TVs to warm up the winter nights...

Erin Boag
Undoubtedly cursing the decision that's landed her with snooker ace Willie Thorne, her days are numbered on the show… which is no bad thing given her reserved, overdressed dance this first week.

Ola Jordan
Crazy! Ola's probably the most beautiful woman on the show; with a slim body, "exotic" looks (she's Polish), cute smile, and legs longer than Bruce's chin. Sadly for Ola fans, she kept everything hidden this week, probably on the orders of dance partner Kenny Logan's wife (and co-contestant) Gabby Logan! And no, I won't make a Pole Dancer joke...

Camilla Dallerup
Another slim, leggy blonde with a down-to-earth personality and cute overbite, partnered with Blue Peter hunk Gethin Jones. As we all know, Blue Peter presenters can do pretty much anything if they put their minds to it -- so Camilla stands a good chance of pleasing her fans and treating them to more revealing dresses in the weeks to come.

Nicole Cutler
Hmmm, Nicole's often pushed into the shadows with the likes of Lilia, Camilla and Ola around, but she pulled a very sexy dress and attitude this week. I'm not sure if her partnering with football legend John Barnes will work, but she'll get further than she did with Nicholas Owen! And, as all Strictly fans will know, never write-off a sportsman on this show!


So there we are. That's why you'll find me tuning into Strictly Come Dancing this year. The amount of sexual tension these celebrity men are under is worth commending. It's remarkable only dancer Brendan Cole has cracked and made a play for Natasha Kaplinski, way back in series 1. Mind you, the female dancers seem to all be married to the male professional dancers, so the male celebs have no chance.

But wouldn't it be great if some behind-the-scenes love triangles developed? That would certainly give Claudia Winkleman something juicy to chat about on sister show It Takes Two!

Next week: the celebrity women shake their booty's -- and, with the likes of Kelly Brook, Penny Lancaster, Gabby Logan and Alesha Dixon in that mix, I think BBC bosses can rest assured this year has the straight man's vote.