It's The Apprentice Out Of Africa, as Sir Alan Sugar sends the remaining candidates to Marrakesh to do his shopping. 10 items: a mosque-shaped alarm clock (green), a Berber bedspread with silver sequins (cream), slippers (grey), a Santos orange juicer, a blue cactus (specified height), a Kosher chicken, a large cowhide with tail attached, dye, 3 red Akal branded tagines, 2 branded tennis racquets (medium strung), and a deluxe beard trimmer. Just kidding, Big Al...
Sir Alan chose the project managers once again: Lee McQueen for Alpha, leading Sara, Helene, Raef and Lucinda. Jenny Maguire for Renaissance, leading Michael, Alex, Jenny C and Claire.
Lee takes time to plan their strategy and research Sir Alan's list, sourcing all the items before they even leave the hotel. Jenny is raring to go and "get the marbles out of our mouths with the language", as Marrakesh is a Muslim country where French is the first language, so her team head off to the market full of beans.
Alex is soon grumbling again, because Claire keeps butting into his negotiations, believing they're doing a boyfriend/girlfriend role-play. Their team-mates Jenny C and Michael manage to buy a cowhide for a quarter of the asking price: £50. It's an impressive buy, but outdone by Alpha's Raef and Helene – who go to the actual tannery and pick up a cowhide for a measly £15!
You'd think candidates would have realized, in previous tasks and in prior series, that cheating is frowned upon. But it seems Jenny C and Michael can't help being naughty. After arriving at a sports store to get some medium-strung tennis rackets, they're irked to find rivals Lucinda, Sara and Lee are already there. So, how best to deal with the situation? That's right, try and bribe the staff into delaying their tennis racket till tomorrow. Nice. Fortunately it doesn't work, as the shop assistant politely turns down their cash offer.
But the real fiasco this week concerns the kosher chicken. It's not a problem for Alpha, who find a Jewish quarter of town and buy one easily. But half-Jewish Michael and Jenny M (who doesn't really understand what "kosher" means) spend hours looking for the item, before finding two guys with live birds for sale. After some difficulties in communication, Michael and Jenny M agree that the chicken is kosher after the butcher kills it and blesses it.
As usual, there's scramble for some of the trickier items, and some stupid mistakes. Jenny M accidentally purchased a white mosque-shaped alarm clock, forgetting that it has to be green. To avoid a penalty, they rush around trying to get a green/verde one... and eventually succeed. Renaissance try to get an orange juicer, but the shops are closing for prayers. Luckily, locals keen to make some cash help them out – and a second-hand juicer is found.
The task is over. Sir Alan is back in London, so he gets the results from eyes-and-ears Nick and Margaret. Alpha got all the items, with no penalties, for £413.61. Renaissance got all the items, but incurred two penalties and two disallowed items, turning their £449.60 spend into £603.59. Lee's team have won and spend the next day in a hot-air balloon above Leeds Castle.
The next day, Jenny M's Renaissance arrive in the boardroom to explain themselves to Sir Alan. He's very disappointed by the penalties and especially the misunderstanding over what kosher chicken is. Jenny C, who's 36 today, admits she's never heard the term before. "I'm flabbergasted!" he says.
Michael is next up for a mauling, as Sir Alan quotes from his CV that he's "a good Jewish boy" – but one who apparently doesn't know what kosher means! Michael admits it was a fiasco, but claims he's only half-Jewish (indeed, he crossed himself before entering the boardroom, so his religious background seems mixed!) Sir Alan can't believe "intelligent people" have made this kind of blunder, summarizing their exploits as ""running around like headless chickens, the whole day."
Jenny C tests his patience with the way she seems to soak up whatever he says and then twist his words into a way to attack her team-mates. Surprisingly, Sir Alan turns to her, saying ""you've tried to lay the blame on your team-mates you were running around with. It's no good. Jenny, you're fired. Goodbye." Birthday girl Jenny C leaves, despondent – but Sir Alan's not done yet...
Jenny M labels Claire a "Tasmanian devil" for the way she goes about things, jumping onto Alex's ire about how Claire butted into his negotiations. After hearing about Michael and Jenny C's underhanded attempts to sabotage Alpha with the tennis rackets, she brands him a "liar and cheat". Michael admits he made a mistake, and Sir Alan comes to think Michael's problems stemmed from being young and a bit too over-enthusiastic.
"If that's the kind of person you have in your company then fire me now", says Jenny C. After putting her own head on the block rather stupidly, Sir Alan leaps on the opportunity, saying "most mistakes this team has made have come from someone who I believe is out of control. Jennifer, you're fired!"
The run-around-shopping task is one of my favourites on the show, but the foreign setting seemed to overshadow things slightly, whilst not proving particularly troublesome for the teams. Most people seemed to speak pretty good English, so my hopes for a troublesome language barrier didn't really come into play. That said, the idiocy with the kosher chicken and the dumb attempt to sabotage a team's tennis racket were notable highlights.
Most of the episode seemed to take place in the boardroom, which I was very happy about. I love the boardroom stuff and the uneasiness between Sir Alan and the losers. Did you see him rankle when everyone chimed "Bonjour!" as he entered the room? Yet for all his grumpiness, Sir Alan had some good dry comments, particularly when suggesting Michael should drop his trousers so they can confirm his Jewish ethnicity.
The two Jenny's were never going to win, although Jenny C had improved from her worrying bitchiness in the first 2 weeks, so had more of a chance than Jenny M. From the beginning she's been aloof and cold -- with her blood-red lipstick on pallid feline face, mewling about how people conspired against her in that slightly-irritating Irish accent. I'm glad both have gone, as both dug their own graves and deserved to go.
And I loved Nick and Margaret in the boardroom, discussing Michael's error with the kosher chicken as the candidates waited outside. Nick whispering to Margaret: "I'm a Catholic. You're a Protestant. We know what kosher is and Michael doesn't! He did classics at Edinburgh." Margaret coolly responds "Edinburgh... isn't what it was", whilst turning her head to glance into the camera (accidentally, I think, but it almost seemed intended to rile the Scots). Very funny.
Now that we're into the second half of the show, how are people shaping up?
Lee McQueen: I want to think cool Steve McQueen when I hear his name, but I instead think of saddo Les McQueen from League Of Gentlemen. I liked his working class straight-talking in the early weeks, but he's too confrontational, loud and crude now. He has plenty of passion and drive, but he's rough and reckless with it.
Lucinda: She did surprisingly well when she led a task, but I just can't see her lasting the distance. She's too nicey-nice and a bit of a kook.
Sara: A dark horse? She hasn't been given the chance to prove herself, so if she aces being a project leader in the next few weeks, she stands a chance of getting into the final three. Rightly, or wrongly.
Helene: I've forgotten she's on the show! Bad editing, or was she really only ever interesting because of her little spats with Lucinda? She needs to step out of the shadow that's falling over her.
Raef: My favourite. Cool, calm, collected, honourable, decent. He looks the part, he sounds the part. The only problem for Raef will be whether Sir Alan thinks he's really "apprentice material" – as I get the impression he likes people with less obvious swagger (like last year's winner Simon). Raef's a bit too polished, perhaps. Why does he need Sir Alan's mentorship?
Michael: Yeah, he cocked up the kosher thing this week. That was embarrassing for him, being half-Jewish. He might be in with a shout at winning, but he should tone down the arrogance.
Alex: Fire him! Dull, dull, dull. All he does is grumble, and even when it's justified I find him irritating because of it. And he's not even that good at anything, is he?
Claire: She's this year's Ruth Badger. On the surface it's all there, but there's an antagonistic streak that might prove difficult to work with. And let's not forget she auditioned for Big Brother (apparently), so she's possibly got an eye on the fame that comes with winning. Or just likes being on TV. Maybe that's unfair, as she does seem genuine and committed – but can you imagine working with her?
7 May 2008
BBC1, 9.00 pm
