Britney Spears: "Womanizer" (X Factor Live)

I thought I'd belatedly weigh in with a few thoughts on Britney Spears' performance on The X Factor last Saturday, miming to her latest single "Womanizer".

Now, it's certainly a mixed message for The X Factor to insist its contestants sing live, when their idols like Britney don't bother. But, miming is nothing new: it was de rigeur on Top Of The Pops and you can't really perform energetic dances and sing well at the same time. Even on many "live" tours, weak or exhausted singing is disguised by a cleverly overlaid recording. Do you really want people wheezing and puffing into their mic as they gyrate on-stage? You try doing karaoke while following an aerobics video!

So, while I agree it was a shame, "Womanizer" being mimed wasn't an unforgivable crime. But, yes, they should have treated it like an arena performance and insisted Britney have a live mic to sing-along whenever the dancing hit calmer moments. Or something.

Oh yes, the "dancing". No, you can't excuse that listless jiggling about. It was nowhere near as heinous as Britney's VMA performance last year (where she resembled an uncoordinated baby hippo on valium), but it was still lazy and boring. She spent 90% of the time stomping around the stage, and the other 10% doing a few choreographed moves standing still. Considering the amount of money she was being paid, and all the headaches behind the scenes trying to please her, she had an obligation to perform to the best of her abilities for a few minutes. Well, maybe she did?

For me, the worst moment was the interview with Dermot O'Leary afterwards (where she had to speak into his mic, highlighting the fact her own was switched off.) Here, it was painfully obvious she hadn't been watching X Factor that night. Okay, so maybe she has more important things on her mind. I can understand that. I have more important things to do than watch Eoghan sing, too. But, how hard is it to watch a TV in your luxury dressing room, so you have a vague idea what's been going on?

Not "tutoring" the contestants, or taking an interest in them was quite rude, too. I'd have been more impressed by Britney if she'd mixed with people backstage, and possibly been more forgiving of her weak performance as a result. Even the mighty Simon Cowell only managed to grab a photo with Britney by squashing up in a corridor with his fellow judges.

Admittedly, Britters did look better than she has in months (hair and a toned stomach will do that), but she's clearly still in a world of her own. This "comeback" (did she ever really go away?) isn't the return to form it's being marketed as. I'm not sure Britney Spears will ever get back to where she was before her meltdown. She's no longer the virginal girl-next-door that gay men adore and straight men lust after. She's a damaged, twice-divorced, "bad mother" who speaks in PR-sanctioned sound-bites and is trapped in her own showbiz prison. Oh, baby, baby...