It's auto-Dan here. I'm physically away gorging myself on mince pies and chocolates, but this Christmas edition of TV Picks has been scheduled to magically appear without me. So, without further delay, the best new television shows broadcast in the UK this holy week are:
- QI Christmas Special (BBC1, 9pm) Guests are Dom Joly, Clive Anderson and Rob Brydon.
- Crooked House (BBC4, 10.30pm) Three-part chiller set inside a haunted house, written by and starring Mark Gatiss. Co-stars Derren Brown, Andy Nyman, Jean Marsh, Daniela Denby-Ashe, Anna Madeley, Julian Rhind-Tutt, Lee Ingleby & Philip Jackson.
- Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? (ITV1, 8pm) Celeb special with Anthony Cotton, Suranne Jones, Austin Healey & Gary Lineker.
- Rab C. Nesbitt (BBC2, 9pm) Festive special with Gregor Fisher reprising his Glaswegian comedy icon.
- Mock The Week (BBC2, 9.45pm) Christmas special.
- Alan Carr's Christmas Ding Dong (Channel 4, 10pm) Festive special.
- The Peter Serafinowicz Christmas Show (BBC2, 10.55pm) Seasonal special. Duh.
- Have I Got News For You? Christmas Special (BBC1, 9.30pm) Alexander Armstrong guest-hosts.
- The Gavin & Stacey Christmas Special (BBC1, 10pm) Gavin and Stacey's families unite for Christmas, as Gav debates moving to Cardiff.
- Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe Review Of The Year (BBC4, 10pm) The rant-prone columnist takes a look back at television in 2008.
- Top Of The Pops Christmas 2008 (BBC1, 2pm) Who is the Christmas Number One? X Factor's Alexandra, or Peter Kay's Geraldine?
- The Queen's Speech (BBC1 & ITV1, 3pm) Elizabeth II speaks to her subjects.
- Doctor Who Christmas Special (BBC1, 6pm) The Doctor arrives in Victorian London, just as the city is invaded by Cyberman. Co-stars David Morrissey & Dervla Kirwan.
- Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special 2008 (BBC1, 7pm) Festive special of the dance show.
- Dancing On Ice At Christmas (ITV1, 8pm) Seasonal special to wet our appetites for the return of the ice-skating competition in the New Year.
- Wallace & Gromit: A Matter Of Loaf & Death (BBC1, 8.30pm) Fourth animated short with the popular claymation duo, who are now working as bakers.
- Dragons' Den Around The World (BBC2, 8.30pm) A look at the popular reality series' foreign versions.
- The Royle Family (BBC1, 9.30pm) Seasonal special of the family comedy.
- It'll Be Alright On The Night (ITV1, 9.30pm) Griff Rhys Jones hosts more TV mishaps, goofs and cock-ups.
- Blackadder Rides Again (BBC1, 10.30pm) 25th anniversary documentary looking at the classic BBC sitcom. Features interviews with the cast and crew, including Rowan Atkinson.
- Stanley Baxter: Now & Then (ITV1, 10.30pm) A look back at the veteran comedian's career.
- Harry Hill's TV Burp Review Of The Year (ITV1, 7pm) The big-collared comedian gives us his skewed look back at 2008.
- World's Strongest Man: 30 Years Of Pain (Five, 8pm) A retrospective on three decades of the world-famous competition.
- Caught In A Trap (ITV1, 9pm) Connie Fisher stars in this drama about an Elvis obsessive.
- 8 Out Of 10 Cats Christmas Special (Channel 4, 10.25pm) Jimmy Carr hosts a festive special of the poll-based comedy quiz.
- The Weakest Link: Strictly Come Dancing Special (BBC1, 6.50pm) Anne Robinson hosts the popular quiz show, with celeb contestants from Strictly.
- All Star Family Fortunes Christmas Special (ITV1, 7.05pm) The McQueens from Hollyoaks vs. The Dingles from Emmerdale.
- Celebrity Mastermind (BBC1, 6.30pm) First in a week-long series of celeb specials, featuring Toyah Willcox, Mark Chapman, Jon Culshaw, John Sessions, Sally Lindsay, Mick Hucknall, Mel Smith, Phil Daniels, Rick Wakeman, Ian Lavender & Tim Vine.
- The 39 Steps (BBC1, 8pm) Feature-length adaptation of the famous spy thriller, starring Rupert Penry-Jones, Alex Jennings, Eddie Marsan, and more.
- Affinity (ITV1, 9pm) Andrew Davies adaptation of Sarah Waters' gothic chiller setb inside a Victorian prison.
- Big Fat Quiz Of The Year (Channel 4, 9pm) Jimmy Carr hosts the annual comedy quiz about the previous year.