A two-hour chunk of charitable programming for Comic Relief aired on BBC1 last night: The Big Red Nose Climb, where celebrities went up Mount Kilimanjaro and raised £1.6 million (and counting), and Comic Relief Does The Apprentice, where two teams of celebrities raised no money for charity, instead creating and marketing a children's toy. But don't worry, the winning toy might be mass produced and sold in toy shops, with all proceeds going to Comic Relief. Well, maybe.
Both shows were perfectly entertaining, and mostly impenetrable to snide comments. Yes, it was fantastic that overpaid celebs traipsed to the top of Kilimanjaro (facing 50% oxygen levels, altitude sickness, and -20c temperatures at times.) And, while it was less effort to spend three days playing with toys and hosting a launch party, you can't kick up too much of a stink about celebs doing something to help a charity that will saves lives in the UK and Africa.
But, as entertainment, both shows were a disappointment to me. The Big Red Nose Climb was undoubtedly the better effort, though. Thanks to David Walliams swimming the English Channel a few years ago, Comic Relief has upped the ante when it comes to celebrity involvement. It's no longer enough to host a slot on the live show, film a comedy sketch, perhaps sing on a charity single, or travel to Africa and shed a tear at a hospital treating kids with malaria. No, now we want to see celebs do some EXTREME fundraising. I have no problem with that. Going up Kilimanjaro was an excellent brainwave from Take That's Gary Barlow, who assembled his showbiz buddies to help him achieve it.
I just felt that this hour-long documentary didn't do justice to their efforts. I got more sense of the daily struggle listening to Radio 1 last week (which followed the climb most days, because DJ's Chris Moyles and Fearne Cotton participated), and the actual footage didn't live up to my imagination. It just didn't look difficult enough to me, hate to say it! I'm sure it was painful and torturous, but the documentary didn't really get that across.
I mean, they had super tents (some of which opened out into marquee's, practically), most of their gear was carried up by muscled African sherpa's (who trudged ahead and set-up camp ready to be slept in!), there was apparently 200 people accompanying the celebs (which killed the idea that a close-knit celeb team were going up with a few cameramen and guides), and a lot of the climb didn't seem particularly arduous or vertical. To get around the fact it didn't feel dangerous enough, the documentary focused on the prospect of Chris Moyles (the fattest celeb) not making it all the way. In fact, this almost became "Can We Get Chris Moyles Up A Mountain?", he was featured so heavily. And he did summit.
We also spent a lot of time with Worzel-faced Fearne Cotton (who felt sick throughout), Gary Barlow (who had a bad back throughout) and Cheryl Cole (who moaned throughout.) But it still felt relatively easy going. An hour's worth of TV wasn't long enough to make us feel the passage of time, either. Why not 90-minutes? And it didn't help that the hour was always interrupted by short films the celebs had made, highlighting problems in Africa that Comic Relief are raising cash for. I understand these were an important part of the whole show, but a longer documentary would have accommodated both strands of the doc much better. They just felt too distracting here.
Still, it was undoubtedly a huge triumph that ALL the celebs made it to the summit (Moyles didn't even come in last), and they raised a phenomenal amount of cash -- particularly considering there's a recession on. So, all good stuff. I just wish the lasting record of their amazing effort had been a bit stronger.
After the climb, it was over to Comic Relief Does The Apprentice. Again, this was all for charity, so you can't be too harsh. But, compared to previous Apprentice specials for Comic Relief, this was a terrible disappointment. The caliber of celebrities was generally quite high (Jonathan Ross, Jack Dee, Gok Wan, Alan Carr, Patsy Palmer, Ruby Wax, Carol Vorderman, etc.) and Sir Alan Sugar wisely made sure there were two business-minded people as team captains for the two teams (split into boys vs. girls.)
The show's undoing was three-fold: Firstly, the chosen task wasn't conducive to the idea of raising money for charity. Each group had to design, create and market a child's toy -- but there was no sense of actual money being raised. We were told that the winning toy could become a reality on toy shop shelves (with all profits going to Comic Relief), but is that good enough? The winning toy wasn't that brilliant (velcro suits that kids can wear to stick to each other), and I can't see it becoming a money-spinner.
Secondly, the teams got on too well. Part of the fun with The Apprentice is seeing personalities clash and argue, but the celebs barely had a crossed word. Sure, Patsy briefly walked-out after one spat with team captain Michelle Malone, but that was about it. On the boy's team, Ross' overactive man-child shtick was just too strong for anyone to dominate -- so Alan Carr squeaked the odd joke, Jack Dee played straight man, Gok Wan focused on costumes, and team captain Gerald Ratner decided to prove he wasn't a miserable git by laughing at Ross. And going along with his Swap Belt idea (a belt kids wear and hang collectible figures off -- presumably so they can be easily stolen?)
Thirdly, both teams didn't face any real problems getting their product made. And as they're all used to being in front of cameras and public speaking, the climactic marketing pitch to a roomful of industry insiders was a breeze. You had Jonathan Ross and Ruby Wax as figureheads for each team -- so it all felt in good hands. There was no tension, or fear any team would mess up. The Apprentice just isn't a good format as a one-off special, but previous efforts did a much better job with the restrictions -- by basing the task around showbiz fundraising, and ensuring the teams were chosen for how quickly they'd clash. There was nothing here to rival Trinny trying to stab Piers Morgan with a biro.
Basically, by the end of this latest effort... nobody had actually raised any cash, and nobody seemed interested in the Comic Relief cause. It was treated like a boys versus girls lark for most involved. A chance to be on The Apprentice; a show that evidently only works with regular people. Only Ruby Wax seemed to remember the point behind their task, reflecting somberly on the experience: "I'm so upset it's for Comic Relief. We could've made some money." Still, Sir Alan might get to fire Jonathan Ross in tonight's concluding boardroom scene -- fulfilling the fantasy of Andrew Sachs' fanbase. So, watch Comic Relief: Funny For Money tonight to find out who gets fired. And donate some money!
12 March 2009
BBC1, 8-9pm
