The plot, what little of it my brain tolerated, saw Kröd (Sean Maguire) and his gang fighting off bounty hunters hired by Dongalor (Matt Lucas), while their tormentor himself dealt with the arrival of a weapon's inspector who takes a shine to his concubine "Cute Girl" (Remie Purtill-Clarke). It was a storyline that wanted to be a mediavel spoof of George W. Bush (Dongalor even reprises his "fool me once, shame on you" gaffe during a speech) and the Iraq situation with WMD's, but it went about it in a very witless manner.
To be honest, everything else just washed over me entirely. My brain was contemplating cutting off its own blood supply during the opening, protracted joke that a friendly Innkeeper was trying to poison Kröd to earn the bounty on his friend's head. One of many examples where panto-level jokes were thrown up and mishit. Someone even says the line: "I'll send your regards to my Uncle Zanus." All a bit desperate, really. There was even a very distasteful scene when Dongalor buries his head in a drugged Aneka's (India de Beaufort) cleavage and licks her face to prove to himself she's really dead.
I'm not expecting high art from this (look at the title!), but Kröd Mändoon And The Flaming Sword Of Fire needs far stronger writing. The show is just hitting very obvious targets and doing it an uninspired way right now. What's particularly frustrating is that several of the actors feel like they'd be really good with a decent script to hand: Sean Maguire's fine as a token hero type, Matt Lucas tries valiantly to brighten the screen, Alex MacQueen is perfect casting as a slimy aide, India de Beaufort is stunning and charismatic (a simple smile from her carries more charm than anything else happening), and Steve Spiers was born to play stupid, burly comic-relief. But they were all at sea here, with no memorable jokes or a decent story.
It got so forgettable that by the time Primeval's James Murray swung in to save the gang, playing a bearded character called Ralph Longshaft (teehee), I wasn't even sure what was going on anymore. My attention had wandered too much by the ten-minute mark, and there was no pagan poledancing to break the monotony this time.
18 June 2009
BBC2, 9pm
written by: Brad Johnson directed by: Alex Hardcastle starring: Sean Maguire (Kröd Mändoon), Matt Lucas (Dongalor), India de Beaufort (Aneka), Kevin Hart (Zezelryck), Steve Spiers (Loquasto), Marques Ray (Bruce), Alex MacQueen (Barnabus), James Murray (Ralph Longshaft), Luke Allen-Gale (Lord Roderick), Dominic Coleman (Hugo), Fernanda Dorogi (Fiona), Erasmus Foucault (Greasy Crier), Andrew Hefler (Vlud Athina Papadimitriu), Remie Purtill-Clarke (Cute Girl), Kevin Rees (Olaf Oarskin), Matt Devere (Myrmidon Captain) & Michael Gambon (Narrator)
