KRÖD MÄNDOON AND THE FLAMING SWORD OF FIRE 1.6 - "The Thrilla In The Villa"

I'm not entirely sure when a part of my soul died last night. Maybe it was when Matt Lucas was being painted topless? Or when Kröd and his gang were turned into dogs and we endured scenes that made Look Who's Talking Now look like Annie Hall? Or maybe it was the scene of these human-dogs licking their balls? Or maybe it was the tasteless, crude "jokes" that it took two people to write? No, it was when the gay dog sniffed another dog's ass.

Yes, the finale of Kröd Mändoon & The Flaming Sword Of Fire was a nadir for all concerned. A project the cast should be ashamed for allowing to stain their CV's. I can already imagine Matt Lucas signing up for an IMDb Pro account just to delete all mention of Kröd Mändoon from his page. Whatever semblance of potential the first few episodes had were exhausted by episode three and the show was nose-diving to Hades by episode four.

There was nothing to enjoy here. Nothing. Dongalor (Lucas) armed his doomsday weapon, which was easily destroyed by plunging a fiery sword into it; Aneka (India de Beaufort) admitted she loved Kröd (Sean Maguire); warlock Grimshank (John Rhys-Davies) was revealed to be a double-agent; Ralph Longshaft (James Murray) had a dull swordfight, and Roger Allam wisely didn't return as a ghost, so instead was only present vocally. Of course, Allam's non-physical appearance doesn't excuse Michael Gambon, who has served as the narrator throughout this series, lending everything undeserved credibility while simultaneously tarnishing his own. He's following in John Hurt's footsteps, it seems.

"The Thrilla In The Villa" was atrocious, as you can no doubt tell from the asinine title. You have to worry when the writers suddenly deny us more India de Beaufort in skimpy attire, and replace that one pleasure with a half-naked John Rhys-Davies instead!

Closing thoughts: Sean Maguire really needs to fire his agent (and avoid fantasy-comedy altogether, following Meet The Spartans), Lucas needs to find some quality control before beating drums on Shootings Stars is all he's good for, James Murray was wrong to leave Primeval, Alex MacQueen's voice deserved better, Marques Ray should be ashamed he participated in such homophobia, and the writers should be put in the stocks. Still, I'm grateful the show introduced us to the divine India de Beaufort, and look forward to her appearing in something worthier of her time, effort and sparkle.


6 July 2009
BBC2, 10pm

written by: Brad Johnson & Peter A. Knight directed by: Alex Hardcastle starring: Sean Maguire (Kröd Mändoon), Matt Lucas (Dongalor), India de Beaufort (Aneka), Kevin Hart (Zezelryck), John Rhys-Davies (Grimshank), Steve Spiers (Loquasto), Marques Ray (Bruce), Alex MacQueen (Barnabus), James Murray (Ralph Longshaft), Roger Allam (Arcadius, voice), Tony Bignell (Homunculo) & Janine Duvistski (Anges Grimshank)