Alan Carr's on the wane. The tedious Sunday Night Project's been mercifully axed and he's having to rely on the uninspired Chatty Man; his hit-and-miss chat show that proves cheeky banter and plentiful double entendres don't equal good TV. Carr's a likable chap if you can stomach his cackling, and I don't expect him to put guests under a Parkinson-esque spotlight, but for what's essentially Channel 4's version of The Graham Norton Show it wastes the potential of its guests to an alarming extent. Mind you, spare a thought for Carr's SNP colleague Justin Lee Collins: locked into a contract with Five playing heads-or-tails and darts.
On the first episode of this fourth series, Alan Carr's guests comprised a surprisingly decent lineup: Pamela Anderson, Russell Brand and three stars of smash-hit "dramedy" Glee.
Anderson's booking is hardly a major coup these days, suffering as she is the decline of a showbiz career based entirely on sex-kitten looks. Should have paid attention in acting class, Pammy! Or at least taken life-guarding seriously as a fallback. Now she's living in a beach trailer ("double-wide" or not, it's a comedown) while appearing in panto alongside Les Dennis. She's been on so many chat shows there's nothing left to discover about her, or anything of interest to begin with. Carr clearly found it tough, too. Do you still bring up Baywatch in 2010? It's alarming to think a lot of teenagers are too young to remember the show now. Carr resorted to giggling over her panto naivety, talked about Playboy nudity (you re-shoot with no "tuppence" in shot for the Japanese version), and brought up her infamous sex tape with Tommy Lee. I may have been interested if this were 1997.
Brand was the best guest, there to plug his movie Get Him To The Greek, although whatever louche charm he once had I've lost interest in. Brand's a hirsute mix of chest, skinny legs, shark-like grins, bouffant hair and rampaging ego, and while there's some entertainment in seeing an eccentric British "rock star comedian" with inflated self-belief rise to a level of popularity in the US... now he's a celebrity with a popstar fiancée, appearing in films as facets of his own Id, he's become a bore to me. Brand comes across as an arrogant bighead too often, whose shtick of using flowery language (nine words where two would suffice) leaves me stifling yawns. It's a style that's now stale. Let's see if the Americans still think he's a breath of fresh air in a few to come, when the honeymoon period's over.
Carr at least got a few anecdotes out of Brand (not hard, as he's hardly shy), such as how he proposed to Katy Perry while in India riding an elephant with a fireworks phobia. But beyond that the highlight was seeing the pair try and swat a nuisance fly buzzing around the studio. Flies know shit when they see it.
Finally, the cast of TV phenomenon Glee; namely Matthew Morrison (Mr. Schue), Jenna Ushkowitz (um, the Asian girl) and Kevin McHale (uh, the one in the wheelchair). In pop-culture terms, this was kind of like Paul McCartney turning up on a chat show circa 1966 with Ringo and his manager. We know Chris Colfer and Amber Riley are in the country (they were on Jonathan Ross two days prior), so presumably chat shows get a combination of Glee stars the agents think each show is deserving of. Jane Lynch only does Leno, right? I guess Carr should be grateful he at least attracted Morrison, because in a few years it could very easily be Principal Figgins sat on his sofa.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing is just the time allotted to each interview. Pamela barely warmed the seat before she was out the door, Brand had more of a worthwhile chat, but then the Glee trio seemed to only get seven minutes of weak questioning and light mocking. And did Jenna even speak?
Overall, Alan Carr: Chatty Man is by far the worst chat show from the four main broadcasters. Carr just isn't a good interviewer, and his approach of charming his guests into having a lighthearted natter doesn't seem to work on Americans in particular (who are there for the business of promotion), so you tend to only get worthwhile TV when British comedians with a similar sensibility are on. But, please, there's only so much David Walliams you can take.
Carr just makes you realize how gifted Graham Norton is at eliciting gossip while making his guests feel relaxed and the audience included. There's none of that from Carr's eyesore set. The only affection his show has is offering guests booze the moment they sit down. The rest is lukewarm questions, delivered with garrulous desperation, peals of laughter, and grins. The audience may be laughing hysterically behind the camera, but I guess either the warm up man's a genius or Carr's drinks trolley does the rounds in the intervals.
20 JUNE 2010: CHANNEL 4/HD, 10PM
