The idea of sending five teenagers to Amsterdam could have played out very differently on any other reality TV show, but not in Lord Sugar's grandfatherly hands. Instead, the adolescent apprentice-wannabes were in the Netherlands to hear pitches for products by six top-notch designers, before selecting two each to sell to retailers back home.
Arjun had the unenviable task of managing moody Zoe and Emma for Revolution, leaving Kirsty in charge of Tim for Instinct. Three against one, is that really fair? Oh well, I got the impression Kirsty was just glad to have Tim all to herself. The production team even put them on a romantic trip down the city's canal, whereby Tim unleashed his appalling Dutch accent; possibly a defensive move to repel amorous, tiny Scottish girls.
The pitches both team endured were characteristically bizarre, silly, ridiculously niche, or all three: baseball caps made of human hair, a dog bed on legs, a dog transporter, a bicycle/exercise machine hybrid, a build-your-own bicycle, an individual box-set of cutler for the solo diner, and baby comforters you can tie into a variety of animals shapes (er, an elephant and a rabbit.. then maybe a hare and a mammoth?)
Predictably, both teams wanted the
Lord Sugar's already lined up some potential buyers from the House Of Frasier and Liberty & Co, but the teams also have to phone around for other retailers to sell their products to. Tim proved himself very personable, cogent and likeable in the pitches, despite a toe-curling moment with House Of Frasier where he tried to sell them the bicycle-based dog transporter, only to discover they don't have a bicycle or pet section, then followed it up with trying to sell two more bicycles. That didn't go down well. But at least Tim (who revealed his business skills are honed playing Monopoly) actually did something, because Kirsty just stood in the background like a statue. She didn't even help him struggle through doors pushing two bicycles.
Arjun's team didn't fare as well. Zoe went first with the pitching, which she's ordinarily very good at, but the buyers started asking "difficult" questions of her. The kind of questions the team should have asked the designers back in Amsterdam when they had the chance, rather than snap and bitch at their creativity. They didn't even have any agreed wriggle-room on prices. Arjun took over for the second pitch, but found it hard to justify the appeal of cutlery-for-one However, Arjun did offload 60 of those awful comforters, inspiring an Artful Dodger-style heel-click celebration in the street. It's a shame that didn't develop into a full-on Oliver!-esque production number, with Lord Sugar as Fagin, Karren as Nancy, and Nick as Bill Sykes.
Kirsty and Tim travelled around London trying to interest retailers they've agreed meetings with themselves, but with two expensive products it was difficult at times. Back street pet shops aren't really going to stock £100 dog beds, are they.
In the boardroom, the results were announced: Arjun's team made £10,171.45, but Kirsty's team somehow pulled in a miraculous £39,785.09 -- which was genuinely astonishing and an Apprentice record. You can't really dismiss that, unless you wanted to be cynical and say some of the buyers were sympathetic to "kids". And I'm none the wiser about these purchases being genuine, or hypothetical -- which DOES alter things. But hey, give Tim and Kirsty some credit, that was a phenomenal profit. And poor old Arjun; he even laughed at Lord Sugar's "clever clogs" gags, but it wasn't enough.
Kirsty and Tim headed off for their reward of... uh, table football back at the house, because I think Lord Sugar's coffers have run dry.
Arjun, Zoe and Emma got down to the business of blaming other people for the task's failure. Arjun found himself in the firing line for not asking their opinion when he let Tim and Kirsty take the lucrative bikes, but in all fairness they could have interjected at the time but chose not to. It was amusing to see Emma suddenly get the feeling she was going to be fired, prompting her to set Plan B into motion: develop a flurry of quivering emotion that made her words catch in her throat and her mouth make funny coat-hanger shapes.
Equally amusing was how Lord Sugar finally cracked and started rattling off reasons Zoe's a risk: she's domineering, selfish and rubs people up the wrong way. So, naturally, she survived. I guess she has the elusive "spirit" Lord Sugar's obsessed with, or he knows she makes good TV. Arjun was never in any danger, considering the fact his track-record of boardroom visits was very low, so it was "with a heavy heart and much regret" that Emma was fired. Sent home in the taxi cab to continue selling her eggs and sweets behind the school bike sheds, or however she does it.
So, we have our finalists: Arjun, Tim, Kirsty and the ever deluded Zoe, who returned to the house and only seemed to remember the "positive things" Lord Sugar had said to her. So it was Arjun's time to roll his eyes at his competitor's self-delusion.
A quick reminder: Junior Apprentice's finale is actually on tonight at 9pm (10 June) not next week.
9 JUNE 2010: BBC1/HD, 9PM
