I don't understand the logic of airing Week Six's episode the day after Week Five's, either. Maybe there's a World Cup football match next Wednesday? But whatever the reason, the Junior Apprentice's finale arrived a week early, with a final task to decide who should win Lord Sugar's £25,000 prize fund: cheeky boffin Arjun, tiny killjoy Kirsty, grinning Tim or the fearsome Zoe?
As it tradition, the fired candidates came back to help (or hinder?) their former-competitors on the final task. Finalists Kirsty and Zoe were paired together, picking Hannah, Hibah and Jordan as teammates, while Tim and Arjun partnered to select Adam, Emma and Rhys. Yes, as is customary, the first person fired was the last chosen, because nobody really knows Jordan six weeks after he was fired. I'm surprised they remembered his name, actually. I was also disappointed that Adam, who left because of sudden illness a few weeks ago, didn't come limping into the room covered in weeping boils, clutching a hot water bottle, and occasionally vomiting into a sick bag held by a nurse.
Lord Sugar explained the final task at a sea life centre full of sharks (which swam away to hide when Zoe arrived), and the location actually made a modicum of sense for once, because the challenge was to create a brand of bottled water, design the packaging, film a TV commercial, then pitch their product to a room full of drinks magnates and business people.
There were some promising ideas and creativity in this task from both teams, although it became very clear who had the upper hand. Kirsty and Zoe's group came up with the perfectly reasonable name "Drip Drop", then opted for a toxic-looking design of oily black lettering on a yellow background. Wasps have that same colour scheme, as a warning to other animals to stay away!
"Drip Drop" was targeted at kids, an untapped market for bottled water, but perhaps with good reason because they prefer fizzy drinks. As usual, Zoe was something of a nightmare to deal with throughout the task, forever calling up her teammate's clique and dispensing unwanted artistic advice. This time about Jackson Pollock. Zoe seems unable to see how awkward she makes everyone feel, can't empower her team, and won't trust others to do work she thinks she'd be better at.
Tim and Arjun's team went down an interesting, minimalist avenue with their brand. They chose to label their bottle of water "A Bottle Of Water", embracing the vaguely pretentious idea that people are after "does what it says on the tin"-style products. They wisely targeted 25-35 office workers, who are assumedly too busy to read labels with confusingly imaginative product names like Evian and Volvic. No, what today's executives want on a lunch break is "A Bottle Of Water". Simple! Then maybe they can grab "A Sandwich" and "A Packet Of Crisps" if the brand ever expanded.
Filming the TV commercials didn't throw up as many howlers as the adult series tends to, funnily enough. Kirsty's ad was the weakest, with two thirsty boys having their Drip Drop stolen by a cheeky young girl. Poorly acted and edited, the message seemed to be that a thief's favourite brand of water is Drip Drop. So only buy their water if you want to be a victim of crime?
Arjun's advert was more creative, with a handsome businessman running through a park, stripping off his clothes and eventually ending up in underwear to grab A Bottle Of Water and quench his thirst. I can see the thinking here with the "stripping things down to their basics" message, and the idea felt like something that might get brainstormed in a real ad agency, but I'm not sure the ad really clicked. Still, Arjun's directing was solid for a rushed effort, and he coped well with the fact Tim had booked one too many actors.
There were some dodgy moments for team "Zirsty" (hey, that could have been a brand name! "If you're thirsty, drink some Zirsty?"), particularly when Zoe arrived to get their pitching venue decorated and didn't have any designs for the artists to work from. But they mysterious managed to get the job done while she was away. Did someone from the production team hotfoot it across London to get Drip Drop's artwork to them? The thing with The Apprentice, particularly this Junior edition, is you're never sure what happens when the cameras are off. I still find it hard to believe a gang of 16/17-year-olds could cope with any of this without gentle steering and help from behind-the-scenes. Or maybe teenagers have become a lot more capable in the 15 years since I was one myself?
The day of the presentations arrived, with plenty of suits filling each team's floor-space, including a characteristically grump-looking Lord Sugar. A usual, my stomach started to develop a knot over the potential for embarrassing failure -- somehow even more excruciating with kids involved. Zoe was lost in her own world of notes pre-show, unwilling to lend much support or encouragement to Kirsty. On the flipside, Arjun and Tim really felt like partners in this together, aiming to win.
Fortunately, if only for my nerves as a viewer, both pitches seemed to go very well, particularly Tim and Arjun's Q&A session at the end.
In the boardroom, Lord Sugar's feedback on both team's presentations was a lot harsher than the filmed evidence seemed to suggest, but the obvious problems were there for all to see. Zoe/Kirsty targeted a non-lucrative teenage market, their ad had a strange message, and their design was a bit garish. Tim/Arjun made a few errors with their business research during the Q&A, but otherwise it was difficult to fault their witty idea and the demographic they went after. So, Tim/Arjun were deemed the winners, meaning Zoe and Kirsty were sent packing at the last hurdle. I had to laugh when Zoe's attempt at a pleasant farewell ("well done boys, you really deserved it") was delivered with zero sincerity and eye contact as she floated out the boardroom like a peeved string puppet.
After six weeks (well, five weeks and six tasks) Lord Sugar finally had a simple decision to make. Arjun with his strong education, maths skills, determination, creativity, and lack of boardroom call-ins... or likeable Tim, who improved from an initially lazy type of character, finding his stride in the past three tasks. Oh, it was always going to be Arjun, wasn't it? And so it came to pass. I think Tim's speech about his background being the hard labour of a farmer, helping birth lambs, but still being driven by money, didn't fit with Lord Sugar. It seemed to confirm that Tim's a decent bloke with natural charisma that saw him through some tasks, but Arjun's more likely to have real business success.
Did anyone else think the series ended on a rushed, abrupt note? Arjun was told he'd won, got in that taxi, then the credits rolled. No farewell speech from Tim? No wrap-up from Lord Sugar? It wasn't even clear what Arjun had won, exactly. I know he gets £25,000 (a low sum considering what Lord Sugar's BBC fee must be), but will he be given a proper job opportunity with Amstrad when he turns 18? Oh well. At least I get the impression Arjun won't fritter away his winnings. Zoe would have bought herself a new wardrobe (or topped up next year's lipstick budget), and Emma would have gone crazy buying eggs and sweets to sell on.
Overall, this was great end to what's been a surprisingly excellent series. It never felt like a cheap version of the adult series, the tasks weren't patronizingly easier, and while Lord Sugar perhaps didn't rant at the candidate's big mistakes... he wasn't a total pussycat. The tone struck a fine balance and at times Junior Apprentice exceeded its progenitor. There was certainly less of the monotonous infighting, and let's not forget Tim/Kirsty making a phenomenal £39,000 in profit and setting an Apprentice record. That really was amazing. They should get commission if that deal's for real, surely.
10 JUNE 2010: BBC1/HD, 9PM
