'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' 6.23 – "I Guess This Is Goodbye"

Guest reviewer Chris Howard concludes his weekly reviews of Desperate Housewives' sixth season on Channel 4...

[SPOILERS] So here we are: the end of another year of quirky suburban drama on Wisteria Lane. Alas, despite adequately wrapping up the three major storylines which have kept us tuning in for the past 23 weeks (and beginning two new arcs ahead of autumn's seventh season premiere), this season finale failed to live up to the sum of its accumulative parts. It was the rough edges, the questionable conclusions and the sheer lack of plausibility which took me out of the Fairview-as-reality bubble and dumped me awkwardly in What-the-hell?-ville.

With son Danny's (Beau Mirchoff) life at risk and husband Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) in hospital, Angie Bolen (Drea De Matteo) is left with no choice but to make a second bomb for madman campaign terrorist Patrick Logan (John Barrowman). Patrick tells his ex-lover he plans to cause some damage in another county, however he really plans to hurt Angie by blowing up her son... who, lest we forget, is also his son, too. That's one extreme 20-year grudge he is holding, especially considering how well he and Danny bonded in the Coffee Cup...

Devoid of a plotline of her own, Gabrielle Solis's (Eva Longoria Parker) contribution to the episode came down to an OTT impression of Angie to release Nick from hospital (family members only), and a courageous mission to rescue Danny as Nick passes out and Angie and Patrick drive away. Will Gaby and Danny escape in time before Patrick reveals his bluff and sets off the bomb inside the Bolen's house? Well, no, but Patrick wasn't the only one bluffing: Angie has actually rigged the bomb in the detonator, leading Patrick to blow himself up. In his car. In the middle of the day. In the middle of the street. Subtle... but fear not; by the end of the episode neither a police officer nor panicked resident will investigate this horrendous (if karmic) murder, and people will be happily walking up and down Wisteria Lane on a calm, bright evening... see what I mean about the rough edges? How ridiculous.

So, the Bolen's nemesis is gone, but with the police and FBI still on their tail, the family set off once more: Nick and Angie separating from Danny and allowing him to follow girlfriend Ana (Maiara Walsh) to New York. Ahhhhh! I really will miss these guys -- although chances are at least Danny may return, if Ana ever visits her aunt and uncle.

With Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) onto Eddie Orlofsky's (Josh Zuckerman) murderous past, the killer has held the pregnant housewife hostage in his house, confused about what to do with a woman he deeply respects, but who knows too much... Predictably, the stress of the situation causes Lynette to go into labour, but with Eddie refusing to take her to the hospital, it is left up to the damaged lad to deliver a baby… From taking lives to delivering new ones -- how ironic (and totally far-fetched). What really takes the rusk, however, is when Eddie -- on the verge of leaving Fairview for a new start -- is persuaded by Lynette to turn himself into the police. Why? Because she told him she'd be proud of him. Seriously.

Throughout "I Guess This Is Goodbye", scenes set inside Fairview Hospital disclose that a years-old cover-up by dying former nurse Teresa Pruitt (Patricia McCormack) lead to a family on Wisteria Lane taking home the wrong child from the hospital. I was fully prepared for writer Alexandra Cunningham to reveal -- given the close bond between Lynette and Eddie, and the lad's frankly appalling start in life -- that young Master Orlofsky is in fact Master Scavo. However, it soon became clear that this is only the beginning of a much larger storyline, its presence in this episode to prematurely kick-start an arc for season seven. So, somebody's baby isn't really their own flesh-and-blood at all. Let the guessing game begin!

Meanwhile, Bree Van De Kamp (Marcia Cross) has made the ultimate sacrifice: paying off blackmailing schemer Sam Allen (Sam Page) with her entire cuisine company, in exchange for his silence regarding the family's dark hit-and-run secret involving Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom) and Carlos Solis's (Ricardo Chavira) mother, who was killed in the accident some years ago. The highlight of the episode, for me, was the shock decision by Bree's husband Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) that he could no longer live or remain married to a hypocrite; Bree demanded Orson go to prison for a similar crime (in which the victim was not killed), yet is prepared to cover for her son. It was a startling reversal of opinion for a man who less than half a season ago was considering suicide because Bree no longer loved him; and it was all the more brutal for it.

At the tail end of this high-octane finale, Susan Delfino (Teri Hatcher) is saying goodbye to her best friends on the street-where-the-car-just-blew-up, as her and debt-ridden husband Mike (James Denton) head off to their new and much cheaper apartment a few blocks away. Lynette is present, all smiles and waves, minus the baby a murderer just delivered while holding her hostage (she mentions her husband is looking after him), and she fails to mention that she has just delivered Susan's daughter's strangler to the police! Because, of course, all of this pales in comparison to moving house!

How odd, also, that Susan and Mike were so relaxed and unbothered by the need to meet with the person who would be renting their house while they sort out their finances. Surely the fact that they plan to return to this very house means they would have utmost interest in who is staying there in their absence? Oh, right, but then they would recognise that the new resident is none other than murdering convict -- and deceased narrator Mary Alice’s (Brenda Strong) husband -- Paul Young (Mark Moses).

As curious as I am about where they will take Paul's character (who hasn’t been seen since series 2, and was a nice surprise when he was revealed in the epilogue) in the next series, I really was disappointed by far too many neglected details to fully enjoy this rather important episode. It's a shame, as Desperate Housewives is -- usually -- a very thoroughly and intricately plotted series.

So, as Desperate Housewives season six draws to a close under an anti-climatic cloud, I guess this is goodbye from me, too.

WRITER: Alexandra Cunningham
DIRECTOR: David Grossman
GUEST CAST: John Barrowman, Josh Zuckerman, Sam Page, Shawn Pyfrom, Marsha Clark, Scott Allen Rinker, Diane Robin, Mindy Sterling, Ramona DuBarry, Daniel Soudakoff, Kevin Symons, Dan Gilvezan, Patricia McCormack, Mark Moses
TRANSMISSION: 7 July 2010 - CHANNEL 4/HD, 9PM