Twitter'd: RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION ~ Dan's Media Digest

My occasional live-tweeting of bad movies continues with Paul W.S Anderson's zombie sequel RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION, starring Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Sienna Guillory, and zombies. Lots and lots of zombies.

View the story "RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION (2012)" on StorifyRESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION (2012)I live-tweeted the fifth entry in the god-awful RESIDENT EVIL movie franchise, with Milla Jovovich back to fire twin handguns. This time she's joined by "familiar faces" from the previous films (whom you really don't care about), to shoot zombies with extreme prejudice and egregious slow-mo...Storified by Dan Owen· Sun, Mar 03 2013 08:59:34Resident Evil Retribution 1280 1021 01Ra_geccoI'm going to live-tweet RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION, so feel free to "mute" the hashtag #ResidentEvil5. Just don't hate or unfollow me!Dan OwenI can't be alone in forgetting what happened in RESIDENT EVIL 4, right? Or the first three. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenRetribution by Paul W.S. Anderson; sounds like an unpopular perfume. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenThe W.S in his name stands for "Weak Shit", to differentiate himself from Paul Anderson of THE MASTER fame. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenThe movie is rewinding the climax of the previous movie during the opening credits, which is actually confusing me more. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenOh yeah, Milla Jovovich was kicking zombie ass. I'm all caught up. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenThere's a quirky rule to these movie. The even-numbered ones are bad, the odd-numbered ones are terrible. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenI'll say this: if you gave £65m to a 12-year-old boy, he would make this movie. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenTHE MUMMY's Oded Fehr has awoken another creature, but this time it's a sleeping Jovovich. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenThe coolest thing so far is Jovovich's telescopic attic ladder. I want one. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenWhy does Milla look like STAR TREK TNG's Gates McFadden now? #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenPaul W.S is ripping off THE MATRIX again, which is never good. Has he ever had an original idea? #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenUmbrella isn't a very scary big bad corporation name. Even the contestants on #TheApprentice would avoid it. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenAt least Milla's a plausible action hero, physically. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenCan we have a moratorium on CGI bullets, Paul? They DON'T look good. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenSienna Guillory sounds like she's talking into a styrofoam cup off-camera. Why is that? #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenI'm learning complex international politics now. The Russians hate the Americans and the Chinese hate the Japanese. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenHe loves shots where the camera pulls back from a window to reveal a CGI-created video game-like location, doesn't he. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenOh, Kevin Durand. You're better than this. Not much better, but better. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenHmm, this is basically a remake of the first movie--only this time Milla needs to get OUT of a secret underground facility. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenThere are two giants with sackcloth masks and enormous blood-stained axes. When will #TheWalkingDead use these guys? #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenYou don't need a toilet break with #ResidentEvil5, you need a brain break. I've just read a few Shakespeare soliloquies. Better now.Dan OwenMilla's virtual daughter is deaf. I envy her not having to hear the dialogue. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenWhy would you use a handgun-mounted grappling look in a situation like this? (You're not watching, but it made no sense.) #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenUS sign language for "I love you" appears to be the Devil's Horns hand sign '80s heavy metal bands used. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenWhat do gamers make of these movies? They're very "gamey" but not in a good way. The RE games had far more credibility. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenAbsolutely everything that happens is either an overused genre cliche, or lifted directly from another movie. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenIt's bad, but to be honest it's much better the second and fourth instalments. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenThis scene is like the climax of #MonstersInc, but with cloned women instead of doors. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenAnd now W.S can scratch his Roland Emmerich city destruction itches. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenGuillory defeated by having a giant red OFF amulet attached above her half-zipped cleavage. Schoolboy error. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenDavid Attenborough needs to do a landmark BBC special on the underwater zombie. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenIt's the End Of Level Boss: the Fat Aryan Keanu. Or the Farkeau. #ResidentEvil5Dan OwenMy God, it set itself up for a sixth movie with zombie dragons. There's just no stopping it! (Oh, you can press EJECT?) #ResidentEvil5Dan Owen

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Twitter'd: RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION

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