DOCTOR WHO 4.5 – "The Poison Sky" (Part 2 of 2)

Writer: Helen Raynor

Director: Douglas Mackinnon

Cast: David Tennant (The Doctor), Catherine Tate (Donna Noble), Freema Agyeman (Martha Jones), Christopher Ryan (General Staal), Rupert Holliday Evans (Colonel Mace), Dan Starkey (Commander Skorr), Bernard Cribbins (Wilfred Mott), Jacqueline King (Sylvia Noble), Ryan Sampson (Luke Rattigan), Clive Standen (Prvt. Harris), Wesley Theobald (Prvt. Gray), Christian Cooke (Ross Jenkins), Meryl Fernandes (Female Student), Leeshon Alexander (Male Student), Bridget Hodson (Captain Price), Kirsty Wark (Herself) & Lachele Carl (US Newsreader)

With Earth's skies poisoned, The Doctor tries to defeat the Sontarans, as Martha's clone manipulates UNIT and Donna is transported to the Sontaran spaceship...

"This isn't war! This is sport!"

-- Commander Skorr (Dan Starkey)

As second parts go, The Poison Sky made for an effective climax to last week's set-up, although it failed to make the subplot with Luke Rattigan (Ryan Sampson) develop into much. As an egotistical American child prodigy, his role in helping the Sontarans implement ATMOS in the world's cars was fine, but this episode's attempt to give him a megalomaniacal agenda of his own (to repopulate Earth with his Academy's students after "planetfall"?) just didn’t work.

Fortunately, everything else about Helen Raynor's script worked well, with some crowd-pleasing moments and a good sense of mounting jeopardy. Following on from The Sontaran Stratagem, the skies above Earth have been poisoned -- although death only occurs in people when the atmosphere reaches 80% toxicity. Quite a flaw for genius Rattigan to have made, but necessary to give The Doctor a fighting chance to revert the damage, of course!

Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman) has been cloned, and "Martha Clones" now works undercover as the Sontaran's "operative", curiously deactivating the world's nuclear arsenal – despite the fact even The Doctor (David Tennant) knows the planet's nukes wouldn't dent the Sontaran ship! So quite why she bothers doing any of this was very unclear, rendering Martha Clones' role wholly unnecessary.

Donna (Catherine Tate) returns to help The Doctor after her Gramps (Bernard Cribbins) is saved from inside his poisoned car by her mother Sylvia (Jacqueline King) smashing the windscreen with an axe. Unfortunately, The Doctor seems to be treating Donna with kid gloves (unlike Rose and Martha), and orders her to hideout in the TARDIS where the gas can't reach. Soon after, Sontaran-controlled UNIT soldiers attach beacons to the TARDIS and General Staal (Christopher Ryan) is able to teleport the TARDIS aboard his ship – relishing the capture of a Time Lord's vessel.

The Doctor tries to prevent UNIT engaging the Sontarans in battle, even after they arrive at the ATMOS factory with Commander Skorr (Dan Starkey), as they can neutralize conventional weapons. Using a phone with a connection to the TARDIS, he also has to talk Donna through disengaging the teleportation field so he can rescue her and retrieve his TARDIS, while working out a way to clear the skies of the ATMOS poison. Phew!

Despite some niggling problems (episodes are rarely cast-iron), The Poison Sky generally provides the thrills and spills you expect, and it's always a pleasure whenever a story has The Doctor at the centre of the action. He's been quite passive this season (particularly in Partners In Crime and Planet Of The Ood), so seeing him in the thick of things, plausibly thwarting the Sontaran plan is great fun. It was also nice to see his moral side come out, as he amusingly grumbles about guns again, and eventually decides on a suicide mission purely because it would give the Sontarans a choice in their fate. How selfless is that? I know he has regenerations, but still.

In fact, the emphasis on The Doctor pushes both companions even further into the background. The real Martha is absent until her inevitable rescue, the evil "Martha Clones" doesn't have much baring on events, and Donna's role is once again relatively minor. Catherine Tate is getting more agreeable as the weeks pass by, but does every episode have to involve her crying? It's getting a bit tiresome. Still, her reactions to events are being written more realistically (loved how nervous and scared she was in the TARDIS aboard the Sontaran ship) and she's offering audiences something different with The Doctor/companion dynamic.

And I must say that Donna's Gramps is already my favourite companion family member; someone with a twinkle in his eye who wants his granddaughter to grab life's opportunities. Unlike Donna's grumbling mother, nicely placed by Jacqueline King. Rupert Holliday Evans didn't have much to do in part 2 as Colonel Mace, but Christopher Ryan was once again very memorable as General Staal. It was just a pity his character remained stuck on his spaceship and only got one brief scene with The Doctor. A missed opportunity for such a great character, blessed with the perfect voice for cartoon villainy.

Overall, The Poison Sky marked the end of a two-part adventure that was very enjoyable, with enough incident and amusements to keep you glued. It didn't fit together as snugly as it could have (with Rattigan quite pointless, Martha wasted in part 2, and Donna underused throughout), but it was still far from boring and the sweep of the story pushed things along nicely.

Most impressively, it was a strong revival for the Sontarans, had some great writing for Tennant's hyperactive Doctor, contained several exciting moments, and a few welcome in-jokes for old fans to grin at. I particularly liked the nod at the Brigadier's existence ("stranded in Peru"), The Doctor wearing a gas-mask and quoting "are you my mummy?" (see The Empty Child), the return of the Valiant airborne aircraft carrier (see Last Of The Time Lords) and a subliminal flash of Rose Tyler on the TARDIS view-screen. How curious...


3 May 2008
BBC1, 6.20 pm

DERREN BROWN'S TRICK OR TREAT 2.1

Is there anything left for devil-faced mental illusionist Derren Brown to do? Since he exploded onto our screens back in 2000, we've had three TV series (Mind Control/Trick Of The Mind/Trick Or Treat), one-off specials (Russian Roulette, Séance, The Gathering, Heist, Messiah, The System) and his stage shows (Something Wicked This Way Comes/Mind Reader), plus some books.

He's surely done everything he can possibly do! But no, while it's true that many of his tricks work on principles he's already established and shown (lessening their impact), there's still an abundance of clever ways for him to amuse, astound and sometimes anger...

Trick Or Treat returned last night for a second series. As you probably know, in this series Derren gives members of the public (ordinarily fans) the chance to have a "trick" or a "treat" played on them. The tricks are usually the most interesting and entertaining (for viewers, if not the "victim"), but this first episode concerned a treat. Glen was the subject, and he was given just 7 days to "speed learn" in preparation for a champion of champions Pub Quiz. Using a special technique Derren taught him (to scan-read thousands of books and rely on his subconscious taking all the information in), Glen set about pouring through an entire library of tomes.

It worked. At the competition, Glen sat alone (well, with his wife for moral support), and came joint-first! An amazing accomplishment for someone who ordinarily wouldn't know the answers (they seemed to bubble up in his mind, sometimes as visual clues), and astonishing considering all the other participants were in teams of 5 or more. Apparently, the technique only lasts for a short amount of time, before the mind actively forgets what has sunk into the subconscious.

Of course, you always have to look at Derren's work with a critical eye. Did this technique really work? I do find it difficult to believe the mind can digest that much information just by scan-reading books. A few things might sink in (visual drawings, mainly) but you're not properly reading and understanding the words, are you. Did Derren perhaps know what the quiz questions would be, and drop the answers into Glen's mind in other ways? Were most of the books rigged to have the quiz answers written into them? Who knows. Maybe the mind really is that clever. Students; take note next time you're trying to cram for an exam -- just drift your finger through your text books without trying to remember anything!

A very entertaining episode, as you expect and usually get with Derren Brown. His TV shows aren't as jam-packed with tricks as they used to be, but he always has interesting twists on old themes and ideas. And I chuckled at his sly allusion to the fact he's gay, when stating he's not used to "flicking the bean". Next week seems to be a trick-based episode about the power of negative suggestion, and already sounds twice as interesting. It's always more fun when Derren's "powers" are used in creepy, insidious ways...


2 May 2008
Channel 4, 10.00 pm

PEEP SHOW 5.1 - "Burgling"

Writers: Jesse Armstrong & Sam Bain

Director: Becky Martin

Cast: David Mitchell (Mark), Robert Webb (Jez), Sophie Winkleman (Big Suze), Dolly Wells (Paula), Susannah Wise (Heather) & Jack Bence (Burglar)


Jez persuades Mark to accompany him on a double-date, to help him get over his failed marriage. Meanwhile, a burglar targets their empty flat...

"Of course it's not AIDS; this isn't the 1980s. It's the best
STD: just cute, old, mostly symptom-less Chlamydia."

-- Jez (Robert Webb)

Despite its BAFTA successes and best-selling DVDs, Peep Show remains a low-rated cult for Friday nights, ever since it first arrived back in 2003. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Even after 5 years, Peep Show seems incapable of letting the quality slip, with writers Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain crafting a continual stream of situations that every twentysomething can identify with. It's the uncomfortable years after adolescence and before "proper" adulthood, where many people (particularly men) just can't let go of their youth...

In this fifth series, stiff Mark (David Mitchell) and his layabout flatmate Jez (Robert Webb) are back living together, following the events of series 4's finale, where Mark ditched office sweetheart Sophie, minutes after marrying her. He's understandably depressed and upset, so Jez tries to cheer him up by arranging a double-date. Initially reluctant, Mark changes his mind when he sees the beautiful Heather (Susannah Wise), and agrees to Jez's set-up.

Sadly, the double-date involves a trip to the theatre, where a monumentally-bored Jez abandons Paula and heads home. Fortunately, Mark has already impressed Heather with his knowledge of Japanese samurai and has arranged a second date, only to find he gets stood up. Disgruntled, he returns home and bumps into Heather, who offers a plausible excuse for her absence, and agrees to accompany him home for drinks. But Mark's growing excitement that she might be "the one" turns to headaches when he catches a teenage burglar (Jack Bence) who's broken into their flat...

For an opening episode, I was slightly disappointed we didn’t get much fallout from the Sophie/Mark marriage break-up, as this story fell into something of a Peep Show staple: the uncomfortable, disastrous, foiled romance for Mark. That said, it's always great fun to see these characters do anything, and after years working together (in Peep Show, and other projects), Mitchell and Webb are a naturally entertaining double-act. Even if they don't technically perform together in this show, owing to its unique point-of-view style – where events are shown through the eyes of its characters, with a darkly humorous "vocalization" of their thoughts – meaning every actor is essentially acting to a single camera.

There's also an amusing subplot for Jez, who is told he might have Chlamydia by Paula -- but isn't concerned because it's symptom-less for men, and therefore doesn't want to tell his ex Big Suze (Sophie Winkleman) because there's a chance she's going to sleep with him. Of course, sensible Mark is adamant he tells Big Suze of his STD, as Chlamydia can make women infertile -- but can Jez be that selfless?

Burgling wasn't anything special in the big scheme of things, but the script is once again packed full of witty remarks and amusing lines. I particularly liked Jez trying to prove to Mark that plays are cool ("It's all different now. They've moved on. They use proper actors: Americans and people off the telly. And they're all based on films, so it's fine.") And does anyone else tape together all their remote controls to create "The Megatron"?

The supporting cast were all very good. I always find Sophie Winkleman amusing as posh Big Suze, and guest star Susannah Wise was engaging as Heather, even if all of Mark's potential dream-girls are written as the same basic character: the plain-but-quite-quite-attractive, intellectual and quiet type.

Still, I always feel genuinely saddened whenever events conspire to make Mark look like a weird loser, particularly as he gets very little back-up and help from anyone else, especially best-friend Jez. And that's the great secret to Peep Show; you can really identity with the characters, and they're a (worryingly) accurate reflection of kidults. I'm often quite amazed by how the inner dialogues of Mark and Jez resemble thoughts I've had myself, as Peep Show's format is the perfect device for getting inside peoples' heads. And it's a bizarre, dumb, sinister and hilarious place to be.


2 May 2008
Channel 4, 10.30 pm

Box Office Charts: w/e 2 May 2008

In the US: Battle of the funnies this week, as Saturday Night Live alumni Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's comedy Baby Mama gets #1, leaving raucous sequel Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay to make do with #2... and Deception, the poorly-reviewed Hugh Jackman/Ewan McGregor thriller, crawls in with a pathetic $2.31m to take #10...



In the UK: Judd Apatow-produced comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall, marketed in Britain on the back of native talent Russell Brand, makes #1 comfortably... Jessica Alba horror The Eye gets #2 with a meagre week's takings... and the Jackman/McGregor combo gets thriller Deception #7...

US TOP 10

(-) 1. Baby Mama $17.4m
(-) 2. Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay $14.9m
(1) 3. The Forbidden Kingdom $11.2m
(2) 4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall $11m
(5) 5. Nim's Island $4.55m
(3) 6. Prom Night $4.51m
(6) 7. 21 $4.02m
(4) 8. 88 Minutes $3.59m
(8) 9. Horton Hears A Who! $2.49m
(-) 10. Deception $2.31m

UK TOP 10

(-) 1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall £2.1m
(-) 2. The Eye £704k
(1) 3. 21 £547k
(2) 4. Fool's Gold £476k
(3) 5. In Bruges £408k
(5) 6. Son Or Rambow £278k
(-) 7. Deception £255k
(4) 8. Street Kings £250k
(6) 9. The Spiderwick Chronicles £238.3k
(9) 10. Happy-Go-Lucky £238k

UK RELEASES THIS WEEK

IRON MAN
A wealthy industrialist builds himself a special suit to battle evil after suffering a life-threatening injury. Comic-book action starring Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges & Terrence Howard.

MADE OF HONOR
A man in love with an engaged woman tries to woo her after he's asked to be her maid of honour. Romantic comedy starring Patrick Dempsey, Michelle Monaghan & Kevin McKidd.

NIM'S ISLAND
A young girl living on a deserted island with her scientist father, communicates with the author of the book she's reading. Family comedy adventure starring Abigail Breslin, Jodie Foster & Gerard Butler.

P2
A businesswoman is stalked by a psychopath after being trapped at work on Christmas Eve. Horror starring Rachel Nichols & Wes Bentley

THE BARON 1.2

Am I alone in liking this show? It's hardly a revelation or a particularly clever idea, but it's just nice to have a reality series that isn't overstaying its welcome (it ends next week), isn't accompanied by a pointless sister show, and isn't irritatingly being shoved down your throat by marketing men. It's just doing its thing, quietly on Thursday nights. And whoever signed up Malcolm McLaren for this series deserves a pay-rise...

Malcolm's the saving grace for a show that might have been better represented by a one-off documentary. A culture swap special. The aging Sex Pistols manager, with his plummy voice, fondness for muted grey attire, and lilting walk (seemingly weighed down by a permanently-attached satchel) is just the kind of compelling, eccentric, controversially opinionated character shows like this thrive on. I can see now why his absence in last year's I'm A Celebrity came as such a blow.

As the "godfather of punk rock", everything about devoutly-religious Gardenstown rubs Malcolm up the wrong way. On the surface he's relatively pleasant and cordial (cooking his evangelical hosts a meal), but his politeness hides a superiority complex and the personality of a naughty schoolboy. As fellow baron candidate Mike Reid affably helps a local paint their boat, Malcolm refuses to muck in – only stretching to vandalize the vessel with an anarchy symbol.

With Mike painted as the salt-of-the-earth hero, with Malcolm as the snake in the Gardenstown of Eden, poor Suzanne Shaw is left fighting for TV scraps. She's a nice enough young woman, but comparatively boring. This episode focused almost entirely on Malcolm, so Suzanne was given just a few comedy scraps (like a meet-and-greet with a toothless groundskeeper.)

The thrust of episode 2 was centred on another of the village's seemingly endless excuses for a fete. The barons were instructed to create a stall to entertain the villagers with, before giving another speech to the voters. Mike was uncharacteristically peeved at being left alone to think up an activity, even taking the director to one side for a quiet chat. Creativity isn't Mike's forte, and he clearly expected to be led around by the thirty-strong production team, instead of having to think on his feet. Anyway, Mike's brainwave of having wet sponges thrown at him smothered the seed of revolt.

Suzanne decided on a dart-throwing stall (with photos of Mike and Malcolm pinned to the board), and Malcolm's escalating hatred for "dreary" Gardenstown fuelled the idea for a Sinner's Tent (where people can be free to have sex, take drugs and get drunk in peace.) Unfortunately, Malcolm's popularity has plummeted and nobody wants to help him – so he turns, once again, to the people living on the outskirts of the village. Those on the fringe. Sadly, an artist he taps to create his Sinner's Tent banner doesn't want to risk being ostracized by villagers after Malcolm leaves. So it's a no.

The day of the fete arrives. Mike pokes his head through a cardboard cut-out to get soaked, Suzanne squeals with delight whenever kids win at her dart-throwing game (meaning her butcher host has to suck juice from a pair of underpants) and Malcolm's tent receives no visitors. But he does become a source of amusement and curiosity for the cheerful local kids, who have never met a real life Grinch.

Having spent the day exasperating a vicar, vandalising a boat, irritating local shopkeepers and peeing into the harbour, Malcolm's speech is the last straw. Whereas Mike and Suzanne extol the virtues of community and the friendly people, Malcolm uses his time on the microphone to rubbish the village and criticize the peoples' beliefs. Attempts are made to break-off his speech, but Malcolm's protests about being "censored" keep him on the podium... until he unwisely decides to call Jesus "a sausage". With that remark, he's pushed off the stage and disappears up a street, as the production team try to broker peace with the outraged locals.

It would be a tedious programme without Malcolm's involvement, but the clash between rebel and religion ensures a fair amount of entertainment. The villagers all come across rather well, and there's a cartoon-y lightness that's quite pleasant to watch. The underlying idea is stupid and the outcome of the village vote isn't going to be exciting or surprising (Mike has it in the bag), but watching cynical, casually offensive Malcolm McLaren tottering around the village causing mischief is a curious treat.


1 May 2008
ITV1, 10.35 pm

TV Picks: May 2008

Summer is usually a period where television winds down (especially in the US) and big blockbuster films takeover at the multiplex. However, I have compiled a list of some TV treats headed to UK screens this month, which may have you avoiding all that sunlight*...

Derren Brown's Trick Or Treat (Fri 2 May, Channel 4) Second series of the popular illusionist's magical series, where ordinary people have pleasant or frightening mind-games and tricks played on them.

Peep Show (Fri 2 May, Channel 4) Fifth series of the award-winning sitcom about two dysfunctional flatmates. Mark has to work alongside his estranged new wife, as Jez's financial nest egg dries up. Starring David Mitchell, Robert Webb, Paterson Joseph and Olivia Coleman.

The Flood (Mon 5 May, ITV1) Drama imagining the after-effects of a tidal wave breaching the Thames barrier and flooding London. Starring Robert Carlyle, Tom Courtenay, Jessalyn Gilsig, Nigel Planer and David Suchet.

The Colbert Report (Tue 6 May, FX) US satirical news magazine, presented by comedian Stephen Colbert in the guise of a right-wing anchorman.

Gordon Ramsay's F Word (Thu 8 May, Channel 4) Fourth series of the food entertainment programme presented by Gordon Ramsay, featuring celebrity guests and culinary challenges.

Midnight Man (Thu 8 May, ITV1) Three-part thriller starring James Nesbitt as a journalist who finds evidence of an international conspiracy after rifling through bins for celebrity gossip. Co-stars Catherine McCormack, Zara Turner & Rupert Graves.

Gladiators (Sun 11 May, Sky One) Revival of the popular 90s gameshow, presented by Kirsty Gallacher and Ian Wright, where people compete against a dozen lycra-clad Gladiators in various physical games.

Tin Man (Sun 11 May, Sci-Fi Channel) Sci-fi flavoured re-imagining of the classic Wizard Of Oz story following a waitress called D.G's journey to the Outer Zone. Starring Zooey Deschanel, Alan Cumming & Kathleen Robertson.

An Audience Without Jeremy Beadle (Fri 16 May, ITV1) A one-off special celebrating the late-entertainer's career as presenter of shows like Game For A Laugh, Beadle's About and You've Been Framed. Hosted by Chris Tarrant and featuring clips of Jeremy Beadle's most celebrated wind-ups and practical jokes.

Bring Back Star Wars (May, Channel 4) Comedian Justin Lee Collins tries to organize a reunion of the actors who appeared in the original Star Wars trilogy; including Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher.

In The Shadow Of The Moon (May, Channel 4) Premiere of the 2006 British documentary looking at the NASA space program -- specifically the 12 astronauts who walked on the moon between 1969 and 1972.

Six Degrees (May, ITV1) Short-lived US drama series from the production company behind Lost, focusing on six New Yorkers whose lives interlink in surprising ways. Starring Jay Hernandez, Bridget Moynahan, Hope Davis, Campbell Scott, Dorian Missick & Erika Christensen.


* I hope I haven't jinxed the weather now.

Gremlins in the system...

Wow! Gremlins was one of the defining films of my childhood, so it's great to see them back! Sadly, it's not in a third (looong overdue) movie, but in a wonderful advert for BT, co-starring Dragons' Den's Peter Jones as a stressed IT worker who finds he has gremlins in the system...

You can see a short featurette on the making of this advert below:



Love it! Hopefully interest generated by this advert will help get Gremlins 3 made. Like how those Citroen adverts seemed to fast-track Transformers.

DVD Releases: May 2008

There are far fewer defunct HD-DVDs being released this month, as studios run out and start embracing Blu-Ray. How about you? Are you about ready to make the jump from DVD to hi-def yet?

5 MAY

Charlie Wilson's War
Derren Brown: Something Wicked This Way Comes
Dirt: Season 1 [reviews]
First Knight [BLU-RAY]
Shrooms [BLU-RAY/DVD]
Skins: Series 1 & 2 Box-Set
Skins: Series 2
That Mitchell & Webb Look: Series 2 [reviews]

12 MAY

Ashes To Ashes: Season 1 [reviews]
American Dad: Season 1-3 Box-Set
American Dad: Season 3
Bionic Woman (2007): Season 1 [reviews]
Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium
Predator [BLU-RAY]
P.S I Love You

19 MAY

Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem [BLU-RAY/DVD]
Bee Movie [HD-DVD/DVD]
Dragon Wars [BLU-RAY]
I, Robot [BLU-RAY]
Prison Break: Season 1-3 Box Set
Prison Break: Season 3 [reviews]
Sliders: Season 4
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street [BLU-RAY/DVD]

26 MAY

Aeon Flux [HD-DVD]
Before The Devil Knows You're Dead [BLU-RAY]
Coming To America [HD-DVD]
I'm A Cyborg [DVD/BLU-RAY]
The Italian Job [HD-DVD]
Lady Vengeance [BLU-RAY]
Sky Captain & The World Of Tomorrow [HD-DVD]
Wristcutters: A Love Story

SCALLYWAGGA' 1.1

A new kidult sketch show that's "gleefully immature", presided over by writer Stuart Kenworthy (Green Wing/Smack The Pony) – who mentored new writing talent to get this on the air. It's a BBC Three comedy, which means my expectations were immediately rock bottom (the sting of Tittybangbang still hurts), and memories of Three birthing comedy giant Little Britain are fading fast. I know the channel has given us BAFTA-winning Gavin & Stacey recently, but it also refuses to axe Two Pints and provides employment for Rhys Thomas...

Scallywagga' aims to be as irreverent, cheeky and streetwise as the BBC believes all of today's kidz are. It stars a cast of total unknowns: Carl Rice, Jessica Hall, Luke Gell, Joanna Higson, Stefan Gumbs, Lena Kaur, Scott Taylor and Curtis Cole, which at least keeps characters difficult to predict. But it also means the more-famous supporting cast (Coronation Street's Sally Lindsay, Star Stories' Steve Edge and Peep Show's Neil Fitzmaurice) draw your attention more than they should. And, while Edge and Fitzmaurice aren't household faces, Lindsay's presence sticks out a mile – and I always sense a strange desperation to be funny from her.

This first episode was slick and well-constructed, with sketches mixed to a soundtrack of indie hits, but nothing really stood out from the crowd. There was a tired pastiche of MTVs Cribs (where, get this, the star was a teen rapper wannabe living at home with his mum – har-har), a family whose lives seem to mirror adverts/TV, a posturing "psychic" who tries to guess your PIN number, a teacher despairing at her pupils' zombie-like quoting of a TV catchphrase during lessons ("a-chillymondo, a-chiggybondo!"), and a slew of others I've forgotten already.

There were a few sketches that raised a slight smile (the mobile phone features "face-off"), a few others where the idea behind the sketch was better than the execution, but nothing that caused big laughs. While it's nice to see fresh faces, you don't laugh as readily at "strangers", so maybe things will pick up once we're accustomed to the cast and the recurring characters. But, crucially, the material looked pretty thin and the hit-rate was depressingly low, no matter who was on-screen. Sketch shows usually put their best stuff in episode 1 (see Mitchell & Webb), which is worrying if that unwritten rules holds true for Scallywagga'!

Still, it wasn't offensive or catchphrase-orientated, and it was certainly more polished than Tittybangbang and Blunder -- but as the brainchild of a writer who's worked on Green Wing, Harry Hill's TV Burp, Smack The Pony and many others, it was very pale in comparison and didn't make me laugh.


29 April 2008
BBC Three, 10.30 pm

THE APPRENTICE 4 – "Week Six"

We're half-way through the series. Sir Alan Sugar's dragged the teams out of bed to Hackney Town Hall for another tenuous link (somehow linking his birth certificate to greetings cards), and chooses two first-time project managers: Michael heads up Alpha, which includes Lee, Jenny M, Helene, Raef, and Lucinda, while Kevin takes charge of Renaissance, with Claire, Alex, Sara, and Jenny C.

The task this week: both teams must design greeting cards to celebrate a brand new special occasion, then pitch their product and idea to three market leaders -- Clinton Cards, Tesco and Celebrations.

From the start it's clear that both teams' ideas are below par: Alpha consider National Joke Day (not too bad) and cards for people about to undergo cosmetic surgery (seriously!) Renaissance don't do much better, with Sara considering Eid cards (huh?) and Prom Night (limited appeal). Eventually, Michael's Alpha settle on a National Singles' Day as an alternative to Valentine's Day, and Kevin's Renaissance go for a Love Your Planet environmentally-focused campaign.

Lee and Alex sit down to compose limericks and rhymes for their respective teams' cards. The next day, the photoshoots for the cards get underway. Jenny C, Alex and Claire help manage a group of professional models who are going to illustrate their environmental theme – with kids riding bikes and a Scotsman having his kilt blown up revealing his bare buttocks, demonstrating "wind power". Cheeky.

For Alpha, Michael has the girls take charge of the photoshoot for their Singles' Day campaign, while he and the rest of the boys spend 3 hours arguing over where the apostrophe in National Singles' Day goes. They even ring the editor of a major newspaper in their quest for grammatical accuracy!

Bank manager Kevin decides he'll be the one to give Renaissance's pitch, despite the fact Claire does pitches regularly in her job, and Jenny is particularly passionate and knowledgeable on environmental issues. He's "one hundred and fifty percent confident" that he'll "smash" the pitch, until Claire and Jenny C help write the complex pitch with just a few hours to spare. Suddenly it looks like a huge amount of effort for Kevin to remember everything, so he tries to shirk his responsibilities. But Jenny C and Claire are having none of it now.

6pm. The representatives of the three retailers meet the teams. Raef's pitch for Alpha doesn't go very well, as Clinton's Cards and Tesco both don't see the logic in competing with Valentine's Day with a Singles' Day on February 13th. And who's going to send someone a singles card, or appreciate receiving one? Celebrations are slightly more responsive (possibly because they drop the February 13th element to the pitch), but how many will they buy?

Renaissance fare even worse. Kevin's forthright pitch to Clinton's Cards and Celebrations uncovers another crucial oversight: why would environmentally aware people buy cards (which use up materials), and who wants to receive a card that preaches a message? Kevin doesn't really have any answers for these criticisms, and his temperament comes across as combative. Acting on advice from Claire afterwards, he tones his style down for the last pitch to Tesco, who seem more receptive to the idea...

Pitches over, it's back to the boardroom for the results. Michael and Alpha's National Singles' Day wins 22,500 orders in total. Kevin and Renaissance's Save The Planet week only musters 6,000 orders from one retailer. Michael bellows his enthusiasm rather too loudly, causing raised eyebrows from Sir Alan and a look of mild shock from Margaret. He's chastised for the rowdy outburst, before his team are sent home to enjoy a classical piano recital from Myleene Klass. Yes, this was a "treat", not punishment. In the losing team, Kevin decides to bring Sara and Claire back into the boardroom with him to discuss their failure.

Sir Alan is disappointed that Claire wasn't more forceful in assuming control of the pitch from Kevin ("who better than a retail buyer to pitch to other retail buyers?"), and he's also bewildered by the thinking behind sending a card to promote green issues! It's also a puzzle why Kevin brought Sara into the boardroom, but Sir Alan smells an attempt to gang up on a weak team-mate. Sara has definitely spent the past 6 weeks loitering in the background, meekly complaining about not being listened to, but did her "non-effort" here cause Renaissance's failure? Not according to Sir Alan: "... this whole task turned out to be a fiasco. As team leader I hold you completely responsible. Kevin, you're fired".

This wasn't too bad, as I enjoy seeing people flounder when trying to pitch their (usually weak) ideas, and the comic value of Kevin sinking deeper into a hole was amusing. But someone really needs to spice up the tasks on The Apprentice! Most of the tasks this series have been similar to one another, so I'd appreciate a few brand new challenges. It's fine to bring back some favourites (I love the task where they have to find numerous obscure items, and the QVC presenting one), but only the laundry task stands out as something relatively fresh this year. Fortunately, the preview for next week shows the teams travelling abroad to Marrakesh, which suggests the production team realized things were getting stale. The language barrier should be particularly good fun.

Did Kevin deserve to go? Yes, without a shadow of a doubt. If he'd let Claire do the pitch, he could have blamed her and Jenny C for the whole project's failure, as the basic mechanics of getting the cards designed and printed went rather well. Oh well, too late now. For Kevin, it was only a matter of time before he was fired. And can someone fire Alex, please? He's constantly taking a backseat and generally appears on-screen to grumble about somebody. There are more obviously ineffectual candidates, but Alex is so clearly game-playing – and I hate that.


30 April 2008
BBC1, 9.00 pm