Writer: Russell T. Davies
Director: James StrongCast: David Tennant (The Doctor), Kylie Minogue (Astrid Peth), Geoffrey Palmer (Captain Hardaker), Russell Tovey (Midshipman Frame), George Costigan (Max Capricorn), Gray O'Brien (Rickston Slade), Andrew Havil (Chief Steward), Bruce Lawrence (Engineer), Debbie Chazen (Foon Van Hoff), Clive Rowe (Morvin Van Hoff), Clive Swift (Mr Copper), Jimmy Vee (Bannakaffalatta), Bernard Cribbins (Wilfred Mott), Nicholas Witchell (Himself), Paul Kasey (Host), Stefan Davis (Kitchen Hand), Jason Mohammad (Newsreader), Colin McFarlane (Alien Voice #1), Ewan Bailey (Alien Voice #2) & Jessica Martin (Queen, voice)
The Doctor crashes into a spaceship orbiting Earth, and must avert a disaster when the ship is struck by meteors...I love Doctor Who. But, while I often defend its sillier episodes against criticism, I have to admit the new incarnation is frustratingly inconsistent. I think a lot of this is down to showrunner Russell T. Davies, even though it's now become a cliche to pour scorn on the man who successfully relaunched the show.
But, the fact remains that Davies' episodes are the ones most guilty of sloppy plotting, embarassing creative decisions, repetition, unoriginality and tonal awkwardness. This year's Christmas special, Voyage Of The Damned, while being perfectly agreeable on-the-surface, suffered from biting off more than it could chew, flopped around for over an hour, and then just fizzled out.
Events pick up where we left off at the end of season 3, with the TARDIS smashing into the side of the Titanic. It's not the iconic ocean liner we'd imagined, just an unfortunately-named spaceship currently orbiting Earth to... well, observe our Christmas festivities, apparently -- but that aspect stretches credibility. The episode would have worked better without the seasonal nod just because of the episode's transmission date.
The Doctor (David Tennant) repairs his TARDIS and decides to stick around for the shindig, where he meets beautiful waitress Astrid Peth (Kylie Minogue). As ever, The Doctor's stumbled into the a brewing crisis, when the ship's Captain (Geoffey Palmer) intentionally causes three meteors to slam into the Titanic and cause its slow, inevitable destruction on the planet's surface. Oh, and everyone on Earth will also die because of the destructive power of the ship's engines, just in case the stakes weren't big enough for you.
From there, it's the usual ingredients for a Davies-penned Doctor Who: more blank-faced evil robots (a minor twist on those Santas from the previous specials), a ragtag group of underwritten characters The Doctor has to save, plucky heroine duties from a bland Ms Minogue (reminding us why her biggest acting accomplishment was Neighbours), an alien with a comedically strange name, a few moments of death and self-sacrifice that provide more sniggers than shocks, a few more Doctor/Messiah overtones (ascending with angels?), a cyborg/homosexual allusion, duff "celebrity" cameos (Nicholas Witchell!), and a little political jab from the Doc at the end.
Perhaps I'm being too cynical, but Voyage Of The Damned was on pure autopilot for long stretches and Davies' brand of breezy, stream-of-consciousness, light-hearted adventuring is looking extremely creaky now. Things all happen on a whim, obstacles are overcome with blind luck or convenient plot-twists (the tiny alien was a robot with an E.M.P tummy, whodathunk?), and David Tennant's slow-motion posturing and grandiose speech-making makes The Doctor look ridiculously pompous, not selfless and heroic.
Kylie Minogue is pure stunt-casting, too. She doesn't embarass herself (well, the silly fork-lift truck finale wasn't her fault), but she has zero chemistry with Tennant and lacks charisma. The rest of the supporting cast fade into the background; a forgettable mix of fat oafs (Debbie Chazen and Clive Rowe), an affable idiot (Clive Swift) and a selfish stereotype (Gray O'Brien). None of them make any impression, so when each is given their turn in the limelight (usually to monologue their life's history) the episode squeals to a deadening crawl.
Sadly, Voyage Of The Damned becomes reliant on its special-effects to entertain. There are some gorgeous shots of the Titanic cruising through space (never mind the fact Futurama did this far, far better) and a cavernous expanse to cross later on, but everything else is a bit hit-and-miss. The finale, with the ship entering Earth's atmosphere, was solid -- but ruined by the Queen making a silly appearance on Buckingham Palace's roof -- while there were some shoddy greenscreen effects throughout (particularly when the Doc hitches a lift with the flying angel robots...)
Overall, this was a very disappointing episode with little seasonal cheer, hardly any originality and bad plot construction. It was The Poseidon Adventure on a shoestring budget, strangled by Russell T. Davies' usual inability to tell a compelling story without resorting to coincidences, weak jokes, contrivance and cheesiness. Once Max Capricorn (George Costigan), a villainous Davros rip-off, shows up in a box-like wheelchair, you'll be about ready to throw a mince pie at the screen. After three seasons and three Christmas specials, Davies output is even beginning to recycle itself now -- which doesn't bode well for season 4...
As always, the under-10s will probably enjoy it, and many will argue they're the audience that really matter... but that excuse has never washed with me. Doctor Who isn't a children's show, it's a family show, where half the fanbase are over 25. We're entitled to some decent storytelling, original ideas, exciting plots and engaging characters -- but you won't find any of that here.
Voyage Of The Damned is a real sinker.
25 December 2007
BBC1, 6.50 pm
