That rascally Sir Alan Sugar gives everyone an early morning wake-up call, telling them to get their arses down to the Tate Modern. Is this week's task going to be all arty-farty? No, they have to transform two pubs into themed restaurants. Y'see, the Tate Modern was itself transformed from a derelict factory into a world-class art gallery – so the link's not as tenuous as usual...We're still in the "boys vs. girls" phase of the competition, but Sir Alan picks the project managers this time: Sara Dhada for Alpha and Ian Stringer for Renaissance. Alpha are given The King's Head in Islington, while Renaissance gather at Hampstead's Duke Of Hamilton. Both teams discuss ideas for a theme, with the boys quickly settling on Italian ("we could wear moustaches!") and the girls deciding on a Bollywood theme, suggested by Sara. Of course.
"Culinary adventurer" Kevin volunteers to be Head Chef, as he's eaten in Italians around the Guildford area, but flounders when discussing his menu ideas with their "kitchen helper" (there to ensure they don't poison anyone). It doesn't look good when Kevin claims coffee is a dessert!
The girls rely on a standard tactic: copy what real businesses are doing. So they rush around local shops, scribbling down prices in Indian restaurant windows. They also manage to buy cheap local ingredients for good prices (despite forgetting many vital spices), before realizing nobody really actually knows how to cook Indian food. This oversight loses them all lunchtime trade, as everyone is too busy preparing the evening's food. And anyway, who wants a curry at noon?
It's worse for the boys: Kevin the chef (think Matt Lucas in a wig) can't count tomatoes (he works as a bank manager), nobody seems to be considering the cost of ingredients, and the marketing group are increasingly tense over all the procrastination. The next morning, Renaissance haven't bought anything yet, so they have to spend a fortune at a local supermarket – which they return to, seemingly every few hours, to replenish dwindling stock. Oh well, it all helped somebody's clubcard.
Both pubs open for business, but the boys are soon running out of food – again! The pizzas are particularly low, so Kevin starts cutting them in half and making Michael serve half-portions to customers. In a truly squirm-worthy scene, a confused customer has Michael return his half-pizza to the kitchen, clearly miffed at being so obviously cheated. Still, despite all the behind-the-scenes headaches and rapidly diminishing provisions, most people do seem satisfied with the grub.
The girls' Bollywood experience looks more fun (with everyone wearing sari's and having dressed the pub appropriately), but much of the food get the thumbs-down. A male dancer rouses spirits as the climax to the evening, even inspiring Jenny to squeal with delight, and the evening is generally a success. Just about.
In the boardroom, Sir Alan reveals that the boys made £844.97, compared to the girls' £795. However, the boys spent a whopping £543 on food after all their supermarket trips, while the girls' overheads only came to £190.73. So, factoring in those figures, the end result was: £301.97 profit for the boys and £604 for the girls.
A clear win for Alpha! Sir Alan was particularly impressed by their brainwave to sell tickets to people for £5, which customers could claim back when they order their meal – guaranteeing punters. A simple idea, but it ensured Alpha were in profit before they'd served their first meal! As a reward, the girls are taken to a swanky cooking school, while the boys settle for mugs of lukewarm tea in a café.
Project manager Ian decides to bring Kevin and barrowboy Simon into the boardroom with him, to explain to Sir Alan how they lost the task. Ian immediately places all the blame on Kevin's doorstep, as he thinks pricing and food was the chef's responsibility. Then he criticizes Simon for his negative attitude and brash communication style throughout the task – although Simon defends himself well. Sir Alan clearly has a soft-spot for this working class ex-soldier, who's proven himself a grafter, since Week One, and will likely be made project manager next week...
Sir Alan's less sure about Kevin and Ian's competence, but I don't think he liked how Ian refused to accept much blame. Kevin was dopey throughout -- but it’s not easy taking being a chef, is it? We've all seen Kitchen Nightmares. Ian didn't inspire or manage his team effectively, and did himself no favours by refusing to remember it was Kevin who gave a "rousing" speech.
Inevitably, Ian was fired. The word "loser" may not be in his vocabulary (as he claimed in one of the talking heads), but it's now on his CV.
9 April 2008
BBC1, 9.00 pm
