DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 6.7 - "Careful The Things You Say"

WRITER: Peter Lefcourt
DIRECTOR: Bethany Rooney
GUEST CAST: Kathy Najimy, Anna Katerina, Karl Makinen, Michael Dempsey, Eileen Galindo, Susan Angelo & Vito D'Ambrosio

[SPOILERS] There was plenty of plot progression for the characters to digest in this week's visit to sunny suburbia, as friends were confided in, affairs were publicised, threats were delivered and punches were thrown, but there was nothing fresh or juicy for us on the other side of the screen to chew on, aside from Angie Bolen's (Drea De Matteo) skills at rustling up multi-course Italian cuisine, which was hardly a jaw-dropping revelation -- except to professional chef and queen bee Bree Hodge (Marcia Cross).

The dinner party hosted by the Bolen's for Bree and Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) was the witty centrepiece to an otherwise plain episode, and it did a fantastic job of exemplifying what this show does best: creating humour from tension by bringing the character's true feelings, secrets and motives to boiling point beneath the façade of a dignified evening. In effect, it was a microcosm for the entire series, and it was a shame that the rest of the episode didn't live up to this peak. Angie is desperate to show off her cooking to Bree, who has been a chef down in her business since she fired Katherine (Dana Delaney), but uptight Bree is too proper to reject Angie outright, whereas husband Nick (Jeffrey Nordling) isn't beyond pressuring the Hodge's to the point of embarrassment. Meanwhile, Orson remained naively clueless -- much like he is to his wife's affair.

It isn't until a "drowning" Bree is forced to lower herself to ask Angie for help in perfecting an Italian-themed anniversary dinner for clients (following an immoral sob story about a burn-victim friend which initially tricked Angie out of her grandmother's recipes), that the pair finally say what they really feel, put aside their juxtaposing personalities (tactful vs. vulgar) and are able to work together. At last: one of the Bolen's has a job!

Not that the episode ends happily for Wisteria Lane's newest family... strangle-victim Julie (Andrea Bowen) reveals to Lynette Scarvo (Felicity Huffman) that Nick Bolen is the married man she broke off having an affair with prior to the attack in the premiere. Lynette then sees an evil side to her new neighbour when she tries to politely persuade Nick away from her best friend's young daughter, only for Nick to threaten her if she tells another soul. Convinced the man is capable of physical harm (and thus a potential suspect in the investigation), Lynette and husband Tom (Doug Savant) report him to the police, who in turn phone the Bolen's to find out where Nick was on the night of the assault -- and Angie answers. Despite lying about her husband's whereabouts, Angie is furious at his infidelity but knows they are both stuck in Wisteria Lane (a further hint to the dark secret the family are hiding), so settles for smacking him instead.

The Scarvo's, it seems, had better luck with the police than Julie's mother, Susan (Teri Hatcher), and her husband, Mike (James Denton), who were still following up last week's suspicion that Katherine is guilty of Julie's attack, given her motive against Susan for "stealing" her man. Getting nowhere with the detectives (see final paragraph), the Delfino's are pleased when Denise Lapera (Kathy Najimy) agrees to take up the case, however Denise has -- highly pathetic and unprofessional -- motives of her own, having held a grudge against Susan since high school when Susan "stole" her boyfriend and nicknamed her "Moose". Bitter Denise recognises a kindred spirit in Katherine, and finds great glee in locking Susan in a cell for not reporting her accidental shooting of Katherine's arm from two episodes prior.

As if that wasn't frivolous enough, it was left to the Solice household to provide the light-hearted fraction (pun fully intended) of this week's episode. Thankfully, the only law they tackled was the law of the classroom: Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) begrudgingly continued to home-school her eldest daughter Juanita (Madison De La Garza), with unsuccessful results. Husband Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) agrees to hire a housekeeper, Ivana (Anna Katerina), to lend Gabby more time to teach, only for Gabby to rope the Romanian maths wizard into helping with Juanita's school work instead of scrubbing the floors -- and an unknowing Carlos demands the agency sends another cleaner who doesn't leave the house in a mess.

So, to sum up (okay, I'll stop with the maths puns), "Careful The Things You Say" was a positive step in the right direction plot-wise, if somewhat unconvincing in its over-the-top execution. What most let the episode down, however, was the sheer lack of originality in crafting the guest characters; Detective Gallagher (Karl Makinen) and his nameless partner (Michael Dempsey) were the epitome of stereotypical cops -- rotund, jovial and more interested in opening the pickle jar than bringing Julie’s attacker to justice. Ivana was the cliché of the American Dream in tatters; her Bucharest degree branded worthless and the only work available on the bottom rung of the job ladder, while her replacement, Christina (Eileen Galindo), overused the "Me no speak English" line until I was cringing. As small and insignificant as these bit players may be to the Housewives story arc, their derivative characterisation harms the believability of this otherwise careful detailed world.

10 MARCH 2010: CHANNEL 4 (HD), 9PM

For more of Chris Howard's writing, visit The CRaB Shack.