(There's no way I'm staying up past midnight on a Sunday to see people playing rugby-with-armour.)
Below are some of the most notable teasers for cinema entertainments heading your way!
50 SHADES OF GREY
You may hate the novels as pieces of literature, and chances are you got fed-up with overhearing the office gossip from middle-aged women who suddenly discovered S&M existed in 2012. And you may have doubts about the casting of Dakota Johnson (the apple of Miami Vice's Don's eye) and Irish underwear model Jamie Dornan (The Fall), but the marketing for 50 Shades of Grey has been surprisingly good... and the film doesn't look anywhere near as awful and trashy as I expected. But maybe that's actually a bad thing? It has been given an 18-certificate in the UK, which means there's more sex than in Taken 3.
FURIOUS 7
I haven't seen ANY of the films in this franchise, but have been meaning to catchup because the racially-diverse casting is to be applauded… and, well, cars go BOOM. Like, a lot.
JURASSIC WORLD
Jurassic Park was my first 'summer blockbuster' experience at the cinema back in 1993. It was my generation's Jaws, really. This is the third sequel, and I'm pleased they're essentially redoing the original idea that Michael Crichton had—but with a fully-functioning high-tech park, with 20,000 people now in danger of being eaten by escaped dinosaurs. The idea of Chris Pratt being the Steve Irwin of velociraptors could be ludicrous, but I'm willing to be optimistic about this one.
MINIONS
I haven't seen any of the Despicable Me films, but my niece loves the gobbledegook-speaking yellow Minions. As do quite a few of my female friends in their mid-30s, worryingly. They're fun and cute, sure. But do these animated toddlers deserve a whole movie? Will their cutesy schtick get tiring? How many utterings of "bottom" and "banana" can anyone take before they snap?
PITCH PERFECT 2
Yeah, haven't even seen Pitch Perfect 1. Is it good?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: SPONGE OUT OF WATER
See Minions above, basically. What is it with kids and their love of yellow characters? I must write a thesis on that.
TED 2
I found the first Ted unexpectedly amusing and creative, even if not all of the humour worked. And it got a little repetitive once the novelty wore off. Who knows if that'll be a big problem for the sequel, but there are some laughs in here and I'm open-minded.
TERMINATOR: GENISYS
The Terminator franchise has been tarnished so badly by T3 and Salvation that expectations have sunk enough to perhaps be surprised by Genisys as a prequel/sequel/reboot hybrid. The cast is fantastic (although Jai Courtney's a worry), it's a relief they have old man Schwarzenegger back in a plausible way, the effects look very cool, and I just want this to be as fun and crazy as the trailers suggest.
TOMORROWLAND
I love a mysterious film, and don't know much about Tomorrowland—but it looks like a visual feast. Brad Bird's a terrific director, and it's good to see George Clooney in something crowd-pleasing and mainstream again. Also great to have a summer movie that's an original piece of work, as the months are always so clogged with sequels, prequels, and remakes.
So there you have it? Which of these has your attention? Anything you're going to avoid like the plague? Anything you weren't too sure about, that one of the TV Spots has actually made you reconsider?
