X Factor 4. It sounds like some kind of lotion you need to withstand the atrocious losers who try their luck in front of the Judges each week. Audition week 4 began in Dublin, Louis' home turf (as if that really means anything), where the talent was non-existent; summed up by "graveyard singing" 44-year-old twins Michelle and Julie, who murdered Arms Of An Angel.
Predictably, Simon Cowell moaned about the quality of singers. Like he does every single week. He seems to be the only person in the world who doesn't understand that the auditions process are supposed to be painfully bad.
The talent moderately improved when they left Dublin, and some fun returned with deluded crackpot Maria, a 70-year-old woman who brought her own auto-cue so the Judges could sing along with her ditty Wild & Sexy. The Judges were noticeably silent, which was to be expected, but I think they'd have remained mute even if the tune has been The Wheels On The Bus. All four of them have terrible singing voices, best kept silent... and yes, I'm including Dannii Minogue in that statement.
For me, this episode contained a moment that just beggared belief: a 30-year-old dance teacher from Doncaster who did an appalling rendition of Liberty X's Just A Little Bit whilst straddling a chair and doing the splits. Sharon Osbourne knew she was a topless dancer just from that performance, which was a bit of a worry. She was certainly very limber with a "great body" according to Simon, but she couldn't sing and has no charisma. So... of course... she got a "yes" from ALL the Judges and was put through to Boot Camp!
I mean, seriously. She's through! How? Don't ask me. I don't think the Judges give a shit this year, do they? They'll kick the stripper out during Boot Camp in a few weeks times, so it's no biggie. But why raise someone's hopes like that, and make your own judging abilities look so lacking in the interim?
The next problem I had was when the aforementioned 70-year-old Maria got a split decision from the Judges (YES: Louis and Dannii. NO: Sharon and Simon), and was shown the door. But why? If it's a split decision, shouldn't she get the benefit of the doubt and be put through? I'm sure that's what happened a few weeks ago!
Nobody seems to care any more. This week, a tabloid reported Sharon is ready to quit X Factor next year. See, I told you she looked bored to tears last week! I can see why Mrs O wants to go; the show is such a laborious waste of time this year. You may as well just start watching for the last 4 weeks in December. I'm past the whole "laughing at bad singers" thing.
The two crazy decisions in this episode tipped me over the edge. I won't be tuning in next week, but I'll keep half an eye on events through the press until the Live Shows start up, perhaps...
