Anyone watching? It's still the top show on Channel 4, even in its ninth year. But I'm hating Big Brother's Little Brother, which always worked as an amusing catch-up, but has now been destroyed by TV disaster zone George Lamb and his sentient marshmallow co-host. Bring back Dermot O'Leary, I say! Pay him whatever he wants!
My thoughts on the remaining housemates, thus far:
Belinda: A twittering, condescending, snoring, middle-aged "luvvie" oddball. Consequently, a very good late-introduction to the house. I just wish she'd turn into a bigger fruit-loop.
Dale: Slightly more interesting now he doesn't have to fret about "girlfriend" Jennifer being stolen by muscled rival Stuart. Nicer than I thought he'd be when he first entered the house, but does himself no favours with that slack lower lip whenever he's not speaking.
Darnell: I like his straight-talking attitude, and he sometimes hits the nail on the head with his insights into the dynamics of the house. More perceptive than you think, which I didn't expect. Just a shame he gets peoples' backs up increasingly. Reminds me of Future Biff from Back To The Future Part II. A poor choice for Head Of House, though!
Kathreya: Harmless and amusing in the context of a reality TV show -- but I wouldn't want to talk to her for more than a few minutes, would you? And she has enabled people to go around saying "hirarious" this summer without appearing racist. So that's good.
Lisa: I don't mind her, she seems pleasant enough. Quite a weird artificial look to her, which has me trying to guess which part of her is real. Had to laugh when her fitness-freak ways were tested in a task, and she spent 10 minutes trying to punch her way put of a paper bag!
Luke: Irksome shit-stirrer of the highest order. Shame, too, as he's quite witty and well-mannered when he wants to be. Maybe it's just boredom, but he spends most days floating around orchestrating upset and fanning the flames.
Maysoon: Lynx model who seems agreeable, and has at least stirred a bit of life into Mohamed. Other than that, I can't see any appeal in terms of personality. No Lynx-effect, ironically.
Michael: Irritating twerp who hasn't been punched in the face because he's blind. On the contrary, he gets to feel girls legs and make sexually-embarrassing comments. But it's okay, it's just Mikey! He's blind and a bit simple! Aww, bless! I don't expect him to be a hive of activity around the house, but his screechy Scottish whine and total uselessness at the tasks is beyond annoying. I hope housemates begin to realize that, y'know, blind or not... Mikey's a twat.
Mohamed: A love-handled bore who became the focal point for a few of BB9's bigger arguments, so earned lots of sympathy in the early days. Now pursuing Maysoon, and better for it. Still not worth keeping in, though. Dull.
Rachel: I liked her when she first went in, but then it became clear she's blander than porridge and has a chimp-like face 10 years too old for her bone structure. Just don't like her goody-two-shoes vibe in the house, but I'm sure she's sweet and fine in real life.
Rebecca: The type of person who gives chavs a bad name. A total boorish caricature whose enormous boobs are taken out whenever the day gets too boring for her, or she just can't keep up with any half-sensible conversation. Needless to say, she's topless most of the time. Or in the bath naked, bitching. Or marching around in a strop, screeching.
Rex: Self-obsessed and deluded, but otherwise harmless and dry-witted. I just can't fathom why he's in there -- and neither can he, it seems. Gets housemates' backs up because of his superior attitude and ramblings about his privileged lifestyle, dream job and girlfriend. Doesn't know how to be humble.
Sara: Supposedly an Angelina Jolie look-alike, but even Mikey wouldn't make that mistake. She's attractive in the right conditions (heavy make-up, dimmed lights, camera angle deemphasizing her bulbous nose, and ideally gagged). Yes, she's an Aussie chatterbox who seems to spend half her time sat outside smoking in a hoodie, or playing mind-games with the men by cock-teasing them something rotten. Utterly hateable, but the perfect housemate to stir things up.
Stuart: The calculated love rival for Dale to grapple with, only picked because he out-hunks Dale and fitted Jennifer's description of "The Ideal Man" like a glove. I half-suspect her favourite boy's name would have been "Stuart", too. A nice enough bloke, but now that Jennifer's been evicted and the love-triangle along with her, he's little more than a boring metrosexual who likes to wear eyeliner.
My thoughts on the remaining housemates, thus far:
Belinda: A twittering, condescending, snoring, middle-aged "luvvie" oddball. Consequently, a very good late-introduction to the house. I just wish she'd turn into a bigger fruit-loop.
Dale: Slightly more interesting now he doesn't have to fret about "girlfriend" Jennifer being stolen by muscled rival Stuart. Nicer than I thought he'd be when he first entered the house, but does himself no favours with that slack lower lip whenever he's not speaking.
Darnell: I like his straight-talking attitude, and he sometimes hits the nail on the head with his insights into the dynamics of the house. More perceptive than you think, which I didn't expect. Just a shame he gets peoples' backs up increasingly. Reminds me of Future Biff from Back To The Future Part II. A poor choice for Head Of House, though!
Kathreya: Harmless and amusing in the context of a reality TV show -- but I wouldn't want to talk to her for more than a few minutes, would you? And she has enabled people to go around saying "hirarious" this summer without appearing racist. So that's good.
Lisa: I don't mind her, she seems pleasant enough. Quite a weird artificial look to her, which has me trying to guess which part of her is real. Had to laugh when her fitness-freak ways were tested in a task, and she spent 10 minutes trying to punch her way put of a paper bag!
Luke: Irksome shit-stirrer of the highest order. Shame, too, as he's quite witty and well-mannered when he wants to be. Maybe it's just boredom, but he spends most days floating around orchestrating upset and fanning the flames.
Maysoon: Lynx model who seems agreeable, and has at least stirred a bit of life into Mohamed. Other than that, I can't see any appeal in terms of personality. No Lynx-effect, ironically.
Michael: Irritating twerp who hasn't been punched in the face because he's blind. On the contrary, he gets to feel girls legs and make sexually-embarrassing comments. But it's okay, it's just Mikey! He's blind and a bit simple! Aww, bless! I don't expect him to be a hive of activity around the house, but his screechy Scottish whine and total uselessness at the tasks is beyond annoying. I hope housemates begin to realize that, y'know, blind or not... Mikey's a twat.
Mohamed: A love-handled bore who became the focal point for a few of BB9's bigger arguments, so earned lots of sympathy in the early days. Now pursuing Maysoon, and better for it. Still not worth keeping in, though. Dull.
Rachel: I liked her when she first went in, but then it became clear she's blander than porridge and has a chimp-like face 10 years too old for her bone structure. Just don't like her goody-two-shoes vibe in the house, but I'm sure she's sweet and fine in real life.
Rebecca: The type of person who gives chavs a bad name. A total boorish caricature whose enormous boobs are taken out whenever the day gets too boring for her, or she just can't keep up with any half-sensible conversation. Needless to say, she's topless most of the time. Or in the bath naked, bitching. Or marching around in a strop, screeching.
Rex: Self-obsessed and deluded, but otherwise harmless and dry-witted. I just can't fathom why he's in there -- and neither can he, it seems. Gets housemates' backs up because of his superior attitude and ramblings about his privileged lifestyle, dream job and girlfriend. Doesn't know how to be humble.
Sara: Supposedly an Angelina Jolie look-alike, but even Mikey wouldn't make that mistake. She's attractive in the right conditions (heavy make-up, dimmed lights, camera angle deemphasizing her bulbous nose, and ideally gagged). Yes, she's an Aussie chatterbox who seems to spend half her time sat outside smoking in a hoodie, or playing mind-games with the men by cock-teasing them something rotten. Utterly hateable, but the perfect housemate to stir things up.
Stuart: The calculated love rival for Dale to grapple with, only picked because he out-hunks Dale and fitted Jennifer's description of "The Ideal Man" like a glove. I half-suspect her favourite boy's name would have been "Stuart", too. A nice enough bloke, but now that Jennifer's been evicted and the love-triangle along with her, he's little more than a boring metrosexual who likes to wear eyeliner.
