Chris Moyles; the loud-mouthed "Saviour of Radio 1" leaves the flagship breakfast show

Chris Moyles, BBC Radio 1's love-him-or-hate-him DJ, is hanging up his headphones after a record-breaking 8 years presenting the station's famous breakfast show. Now aged 38, it was inevitable he'd go sooner rather than later, after 15 years with the stattion, although his most recent contract would have kept him on-air until late-2014 (when he'd have turned 40).

Radio 1 may be pitched at 16-34 year olds, but it has a habit of keeping DJs around who are far beyond that age bracket. Jo Whiley was 46 before she left in 2011; the late John Peel was still presenting a late-night show at the age of 65 when he died; and 54-year-old Tim Westwood has only recently transferred to hip sister station 1Xtra. Will Moyles move to BBC Radio 2, which is seen as a logical next-step for middle-aged DJs? Or will Moyles do something more unusual post-Radio 1? It's long been rumoured that he may take a job in the States, although such talk peaked in the days when Radio 1 was accessible across America via Sirius satellite radio. These days, does Moyles have anything of a fan-base to build on? It perhaps helps that high-profile radio shows have podcasts freely available to the world, that's true.

Presenting the Radio 1 breakfast show is widely seen as a pinnacle of a British entertainment-based DJ's career (certainly the dream of most radio-nerd teenagers in their bedrooms), so anything that follows can't help feeling like a step on a downward slide. It'll be very interesting to see what Moyles does next, that's for sure. I somehow doubt a permanent move to television, despite the surprising success of his Chris Moyles' Quiz Night series for Channel 4. (Let's not even talk about Sky Living's atrocious Love Wheel.) Moyles has definitely improved on camera since his embarrassingly self-conscious Channel 5 series Live with Chris Moyles, but it's clear that radio's where he belongs.

And yes, I like Chris Moyles. I know many people don't share that feeling, but to be honest most people's criticism doesn't reflect the guy I hear on radio most mornings. Maybe if you only listen to just a few of his shows, out of context, it doesn't work. I think you need to keep listening to notice when he's being flippant, tongue-in-cheek, or intentionally trying to bait his listeners. Plus a lot of his Radio 1 show relied on callbacks and in-jokes amongst the team. There are quite often references and discussions about things that happened years ago, which would be lost on newer listeners. After 8 years doing three hours every weekday morning, around 7 million people certainly got the show and understood Moyles' persona—which I don't think is as brash, loud, obnoxious, and stupid as his critics would have you believe. Although he's definitely been guilty of that at times. But haven't we all? When you have hours of air to fill every single day, five days a week, you're bound to have the occasional dumb or misjudged moment. I've always enjoyed his presenting style on the radio, though. And, believe me, I've occasionally spun my dial to sample his rivals—from Radio 2's Terry Wogan and now Chris Evans, to Absolute Radio's Christian O'Connell—but I keep coming back to Moyles. The lack of commercials helps, admittedly.

But I don't begrudge Moyles him leaving the flagship station. It's time. It's been time for a good few years, frankly. He's 38 and it was getting tough to justify being the figurehead of a station that's meant to be targeting viewers 10-20 years younger. That said, I don't think many 18-year-olds dislike Moyles because of a generational divide with his humour of references. But it's best to quit while you're ahead; especially on your own terms, breaking the news exclusively to your listeners, and hot-footing it within a few months. Moyles will leave this September.

What's perhaps more alarming than Radio 1 losing golden boy Moyles is their choice of replacement: Nick "Grimmy" Grimshaw (above); a deeply unfunny man, who only appears to have been ordained because he's under-30 and has fashionable hair. Undoubtedly, Scott Mills would have the gig if Moyles had left 5 years ago, but he's in his mid-30s and fighting the same losing battle as Moyles, and is perhaps lucky to have been shunted from drivetime to an early-afternoon slot this year. It's a little strange Greg James didn't get the call, too, but my guess is Radio 1's top brass don't think he has enough experience yet, and will need to spend a few more years on drivetime. I'd have preferred James taking over from Grimmy, that's for sure, although he'd be similarly insipid compared to Moyles.

So yes, signing up Nick-bloody-Grimshaw doesn't feel like a good move to me. Or maybe I'm getting old at 33, and don't understand how much today's youth love whatever tumbles from Grimmy's lips. But it smells like crap to me. I guess we'll see what Radio 1 does with the breakfast show now it's in Grimmy's hands, because it'll almost certainly move away from the "zoo" format that's been popular since Chris Evans in the late-'90s. But there are only so many ways you can present a radio show, so I'm not expecting Grimmy to rewrite the rulebook. My pessimistic prediction is a morning of inane waffle and chatting to callers, perhaps bouncing off a sidekick/producer in the studio. I just don't see it being that funny, or imaginative. A safe pair of hands is all Grimmy is, from what I've heard of him. But we'll see. I'm not closed-minded, and hope he proves me wrong.

One thing's for sure: it's the end of an era. The self-proclaimed "Saviour of Radio 1" has decided to ascend before bosses crucify him. Wise move. I just wish Moyles' departure left me excited about Radio 1's future without him; because with Grimmy joining the daytime ranks of disingenuous Fearne Cotton, past-his-prime Scott Mills, and dull-as-dishwater Greg James, Radio 1 come September doesn't look inviting in the slightest.

Maybe I should admit defeat, embrace my thirties, and point my aerial in a new direction entirely. Classic FM, anyone?

(Oh, and I hope Comedy Dave doesn't end up in a homeless shelter come Christmas.)

Talking Point: Chris or Chris?

Chris Evans took over as host of Radio 2's breakfast show this week, replacing the inexplicably popular Terry Wogan. He's now in direct "competition" with Chris Moyles over on Radio 1. Both stations have their separate demographics to cater to, but Radio 2's been edging towards the younger end of their market in recent years. Putting Evans on their breakfast show is definitely a move towards securing a "mid-ground", of which I guess I'm a part of.

As a 30-year-old, I'm still relatively young and don't feel like Radio 2's target audience just yet. Hey, I'm actually younger than Chris Moyles on Radio 1! But, Chris Evans was a memorable pop-culture figure for me as a teen (on Big Breakfast, Don't Forget Your Toothbrush and TFI Friday), so there's a part of me that feels lured Evans' way.

But then I listen to Radio 2's breakfast show, and I'm not a fan of the playlist -- it's mostly good tracks, but it bounces around from classics of the '60s to run of the mill contemporary picks. I've never really seen the point in playing old tunes on the radio, see. If I want to listen to The Beatles or Queen, I'll buy their albums. New music is the main reason I stick with Radio 1. Sure, there's a lot more crap getting played (repeated ad nauseum throughout the day), but you feel more attuned to "modern music" with Radio 1, in all its forms. And as a 30-year-old, I kind of want to keep one foot in my twenties. If only to know who Ke$ha is. There's plenty of time to turn my back on current music and find solace in the "oldies" from the '80s and '90s. I'll give it another 10 years.

What about you? Are you of equivalent age to me, but swayed to ditch Moyles for Evans now? Were you a regular Wogan listener, who's now appalled "young" Evans has taken his crown? Should Radio 2 have appointed someone older, perhaps? Is the gap between Radio 1 and 2 getting slimmer, or is that just the perception of people in their thirties who are creeping into middle-age but have strong memories of their youth?

Fearne & Greg: saviours of Radio 1's daytime?

Radio 1 had a rare shake-up of its daytime schedule this week, with Jo Whiley and Edith Bowman both shunted to weekends and replaced by Fearne Cotton (10-1pm) and Greg James (1-4pm). So, after their first week on-air, how did Fearne and Greg fare?

Well, it wasn't anything to get excited about. I'm still relieved that Jo and Edith have been removed from weekdays, so any change is an automatic improvement over that irritating pair. The main problem with Fearne and Greg's succession is that the shows themselves haven't changed to any huge extent. Fearne has inherited the popular "Live Lounge" feature (where singers/groups cover a track, live), but beyond that the show is still characterless. Likewise, Greg James has introduced various experts each day (on gaming, sports, etc), but it was otherwise business as usual. There weren't even any new jingles to make casual listeners prick up their ears.

Disappointingly, there were times when Greg's show felt like an amateur had wandered into the studio and started riffing into the mic. An "alphabet game" was played, where Greg asked listeners on the phone lines to name bands/singers beginning with a certain letter, getting as far as "V" before nobody could come up with an answer (ahem, Vangelis...) And then there was a moment when Greg threw two dice and asked a listener to guess what they added up to, with the prize being a mint-flavoured Aero. Or how about a game where you guess how many sweets are in a jar? O-kay. Sure, the "comedy" is meant to come from how knowingly stupid this all was, but why not come up with some creative, fresh ideas and really get listeners engaged with daytime Radio 1? Being ironically bad is still being bad.

As it was, the new daytime lineup became a bland malaise, with neither D.J doing much to endear themselves to anyone giving Radio 1 another go with Jo and Edith gone. Change is great, but considering the new D.J's reputations at the station (Fearne's been hyped as a great presenter for years without actually proving it, while Greg's leaped up the Radio 1 pecking order in record time) it was all very unimaginative and, yes, dull.

Luckily for Fearne and Greg, their predecessors had become so awful that a deaf chimp could have played the Birdie Song on a loop and it would have been an improvement, but it's a shame that six hours of mainstream radio programming is being filled with nothing worth listening out for. It's early days, so things could improve, but as both

Whiley/Bowman out, Cotton/James in

I'm a regular listener to Radio 1, so have therefore cultivated a deep hatred for Jo Whiley and Edith Bowman. Whiley's a namedropping nonentity with the personality of a dishcloth, whose show lasts three hours but has never featured anything remotely memorable (save for a few Live Lounge performances.) Bowman's an intensely irritating woman who relies on faux enthusiasm and screeching catchphrases ("Get in!") when all else fails. Fortunately, someone at Radio 1 has finally realized that a fortysomething mother and a Scottish girl with no discernible talent need replacing...

So, Whiley is being booted to weekend afternoons (1-4pm) with Fearne Cotton replacing her, while Edith Bowman's being kicked to weekend breakfast (7-10am) and replaced by rising star Greg James. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Cotton or James, but both are eminently preferable to their vacuum-talent predecessors, so this is great news. I just wish Radio 1 bosses had ditched Bowman and Whiley about five years ago, or never employed them to begin with.

A bad month for Chris Moyles?

First, he receives complaints for his appearance on The One Show because of his deprecating jokes at the show's expense, and inability to answer a straight question without making a weak joke. Presenters Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley didn't seem to mind, and laughed along, but fans of the show went into meltdown on the One Show messageboard.

Then, while Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles was up Kilimanjaro helping raise £2m for Comic Relief, rumours circulated that Radio 1 were considering axing their older presenters, as most are now in their mid-30s¹. Probably just tittle-tattle to fill column inches in tabloids, but it felt like it was only being discussed because Moyles was in a different continent half-way up a mountain!

Last Monday, comedian Stewart Lee ridiculed Moyles' best-selling tome "The Difficult Second Book" apart (a self-described "toilet book") in his new series. Ouch.

Last night, John Humphrys² condemned Moyles' "pub talk" on I've Never Seen Star Wars wih Marcus Brigstocke, that featured an uncomfortable clip from a recent instalment of the DJ's breakfast show where Moyles and his team picked on a colleague's breast size.

Sure, it’s a coincidental quirk of scheduling that so much crap is being thrown at Chris Moyles recently, but isn't that all it takes for public opinion to change? Personally, I've never had too much of a problem with Moyles. I listen to his radio show every morning. There are moments when he oversteps the mark, irritates, or just bores... but I think you'd find toe-curling radio from anyone broadcasting 3.5 hours of radio every weekday and hired to be laddish.

Anyway, Chris Moyles has a new television show starting this Sunday, so is all publicity good publicity? Or will that show provide even more ammunition for the haters?


1. They actually have a point. Jo Whiley's in her forties, for crying out loud! But do we really want the likes of Reggie Yates on-air more often?

2. Coincidentally, Humphrys also stuck the knife into The Da Vinci Code (as did Stewart Lee), so it hasn't been a good week for author Dan Brown either!

Ross and Brand face the Sachs

Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand have been suspended from the BBC, after they made lewd comments on actor Andrew Sachs' voicemail during a radio show broadcast on 18 October. Oddly, there was only 2 complaints from Radio 2 listeners at the time, but after the story broke in the newspapers a few days ago, the complaints have rocketed to over 18,000. Funny that.

I hope the complainers bothered to listen to the incident themselves, instead of registering a knee-jerk complaint based on the second-hand assessments of tabloids. But is it a lot of fuss over nothing? Well, no. I heard the podcast before the story broke, and it was certainly in bad taste for Ross to blurt out "he's fucked your granddaughter!" when Brand got through to Sachs' voicemail. It had been a running joke for awhile that Sachs' granddaughter Georgina Baillie had slept with Brand, but had asked the comedian not to tell her famous relative.

To book Sachs as a guest was clearly intended to mine comedy from "the elephant in the room" of Brand's antics with Sachs' granddaughter -- which is a bit distasteful alreay. I'm sure the interview would have taken a different path had Sachs answered his phone, but the naughty schoolboy temperaments of Brand and Ross (who are both immature in their own different ways) proved too much to resist when they clicked through to his voicemail.

What nobody's remarked on is how the situation would probably have been avoided if Brand's co-host Matt Morgan were present. He's the sensible one, who often reigns in Brand if he goes too far. But he's been on holiday for the past few weeks, necessitating the need for guest co-hosts like Ross. Sadly, Brand is very much a loose canon and easily led by someone like Ross.

But why was the show even broadcast by the BBC? It was pre-recorded, so major damage could easily have been avoided. But the producer decided to let it air (slightly edited) without even asking for Andrew Sachs permission. Which would obviously not have been granted.

No, there's no excuse for what Brand and Ross did, even though this was a style of edgy, dangerous, controversial humour most people will have heard or even participated in. Let's get real: I've heard worse things down the pub in my time, quite regularly. You just don't broadcast that thing to the nation, on the BBC. And, while both have apologized to Sachs, they only did so when it all kicked-off in the papers.

I guess this means there'll be no Friday Night with Jonathan Ross for awhile?

More podcasts, for your consideration

Iain Lee's Sunday Night Show

My radio dial rarely leaves Radio 1, and certainly never visits Virgin's frequency. No, the only reason I gave this podcast a whirl was because of Iain Lee (one-time lanky TV host of The 11 O'Clock Show), who impressed me as presenter of the Lost Initiative podcast.

Lee's "Sunday Night Show" is a phone-in format, which immediately sets it apart from other radio podcasts I download. Now, the thing to make clear is how this podcast will make NO sense for the first few episodes. It's a show built around a niche listenership, populated by people who are awake and tuning into late-night radio on a Sunday before work. Simply put: the callers seem to be unemployed nutters.

It's full of in-jokes ("Ry-an Reynolds!"), catchphrases ("I've got a dirty..."), recurring feuds, and references to past events. It took me around 4 episodes (that's 8 hours of listening) to grasp all the callers' personalities and get a handle on the ramshackle format. Iain Lee's crafted something rather unique here -- genuine "so bad it's good" stuff. You know the answer-phone segment of Big Brother's Big Mouth, featuring dim and deluded fans? It's basically that, but with a live radio host.

As suspected, it does become tiresome and repetitive, while the lack of direction and reliance on callers to "create" the show means quality is erratic minute to minute, let alone episode to episode. But still, some of the callers are quite funny (intentionally or otherwise) and it definitely rewards a bit of perseverance. There's also a website, caller chat-room and Iain Lee's "spin-off" podcasts dotted around dark corners of the web, so it's like discovering a secret club. Love it or hate it, The Sunday Show's worth a trial run to see if any of it clicks with you. The comic value of elderly "Barry From Watford" is reason enough for ONE download, trust me...

Movies You Should See

This podcast was recommended to me in the comments section of a previous article about podcasts. See, I do listen! Movies You Should See (MYSS) is a collection of film reviews by Richard Smith, Allison Downing, Craig Bevan, Will Tristram and Tristan Ofield, who discuss classics like Superman, guilty pleasures like The 'Burbs, and fairly recent hits like Gladiator.

With most film-based podcasts focusing on things opening that weekend, there's an element of nostalgia with MYSS that's good fun -- because most people will have an opinion on the chosen films.

However, I was confused about who MYSS is aimed at. If you haven't seen the film under discussion, chances are you'll be very confused and have the film's plot and any twists spoiled! Therefore, it's safer to listen to reviews of films you've seen -- but doesn't that defeat the purpose of this podcast to recommend and champion films you must watch? I spy a Catch 22, don't you?

If you're savvy enough to be downloading this podcast, I doubt you're unfamiliar with Galaxy Quest or The Matrix, anyway. So where are the overlooked movie gems that would justify a bit of internet championing?

Episodes are obviously one-sided group banter, but the host website (Simply Syndicated) contains a forum where listeners can type their own thoughts. It might help if future episodes reflected on listener response to the previous podcast, though. Make it more "interactive" for podcast-only fans.

The gang have a rapport, friendship and love of film, but don't expect much insight or clever perspectives. Anything of interest is usually cribbed from IMDb, begging the question: why not just chat about your favourite films with your own friends, instead of by podcast proxy? The MYSS team lack the depth of knowledge to make you want to hear their opinions. Indeed, I'm often rolling my eyes at the gaps in their movie knowledge and viewing habits (someone had never seen Monty Python & The Holy Grail). There's also a worrying dislike of films widely accepted as good, usually with no persuasive/intriguing reason for their opinion.

Each review lasts about 60-minutes, but usually struggles to justify that length -- so the chat goes off-topic a lot, for long periods, which can become irritating. I think a focused 30-minute of discussion would be a worthwhile change, as many episodes just start recapping the plot after awhile. Superficially, the opening/closing theme tune drags on for an eternity, too.

Big Brother's Big Ears

I know, I know; it's another Iain Lee hosted podcast. If you were ever wondering what happened to him, it's now abundantly clear! He's the John Barrowman of podcasting! Channel 4 likely heard Lee elsewhere and tapped him for their twice-weekly Big Brother internet-radio show, with newcomer Gemma Cairney.

It's basically an audio-version of Big Brother's Big Mouth, but better because BBBM only works with Russell Brand. Oddly, Iain Lee's not particularly interested in BB (he admits as much on his other shows), but he's still able to wrangle the callers to good effect and watches enough to have an opinion.

Surprisingly, BBBE also made me reconsider BB8 winner Brian Belo, who sometimes guests and comes across very well. It helps that he's a die-hard BB obsessive, with the kind of knowledge and first-hand experience a BB podcast needs. I mean, this guy downloads Aussie Big Brother, and his initials are BB! It's actually a shame Brian's not a permanent co-host, as he's the kind of oddball Iain's used to dealing with on his radio show, and has the knowledge and enthusiasm Lee admittedly lacks.

SPORT RELIEF

It's all for a good cause, but it doesn't always make good telly. Does it?

Sport Relief, the spin-off from Comic Relief (they even re-use the clown's red nose logo, strangely) returned last night for an evening "extravaganza" – well, as the BBC describe it. But, like all telethons, it didn't amount to much entertainment-wise -- being practically an episode of Strictly Come Dancing rudely interrupted by Davina McCall for the first few hours...

Out hosts were sporty (Gary Lineker), shouty (Davina McCall), and shorty (Richard Hammon), three people whose sporting credentials are on a sliding scale. Lineker's a former international footballer (fine), McCall pays her winter bills by selling fitness videos (we'll let it pass), and Hammond achieved widespread fame by crashing a jet-powered car on Top Gear (tenuous).

The charity's slogan is "Rise To The Challenge" and, after weeks of free advertising on The One Show, dour host Adrian Chiles and football legend Alan Shearer completed a gruelling 300-odd mile cycle ride from Newcastle to London, via West Bromwich.

It was a two-day endurance challenge worthy of praise and a sterling effort from both men – but that only made it more of a pity the finish was so limp. A few fireworks and two yellow jerseys courtesy of Gary Lineker outside BBC Television Centre, eh? You could see a look of slight disappointment on Shearer's face when the cash they'd raised was revealed as being £371,000. That’s still very good, but maybe Shearer realized that's less than a month's wages for many Premiership players! I think he expected at least a cool million to make up for his saddle sores...

And that’s long been a sticking point with the relationship between overpaid celebs trying to squeeze cash from average joe's on telethons. They're the ones making millions every year, not us. And scheduling Sport Relief a few days after Budget Day wasn't the best idea, either.

But back to the show. If you don't like Strictly Come Dancing, chances are Sport Relief lost a viewer for the night. Yes, Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly presented a special show where past celebrity contestants danced with new famous faces. I think it should have been made clearer we wouldn't be watching a full episode, though. Anyway, Mark Ramprakash and EastEnder Kara Tointon eventually won the cheap-plastic trophy.

The studio audience were awful throughout; not laughing at (admittedly weak) gags from the presenters, having to be prompted to applaud at various times, and generally lowering the atmosphere. Trouble is, I don't blame them: all the entertainment was coming from events that had already been achieved days before, or were being watched as pre-recorded TV shows. The only worthwhile studio-based entertainment for them came from singers Westlife and Leona Lewis. The audience were so starved of live entertainment, they even applauded when Westlife left the stage off-camera!

One thing you can always guarantee on telethons are TV shows being given slight comedic twists. So here we had A Question Of Sport Relief, hosted by Jimmy Carr, with panellists Sue Barker, Ricky Hatton, Frank Skinner, David Mitchell, Gary Lineker and Patrick Kielty. It was actually a fairly decent show, even if Carr is fast-becoming a predictable bore in such roles. How often will he follow-up a risqué gag with a shrugging "—what?"

Radio 1 were also involved in a big challenge this week, with Chris Moyles' sidekick "Comedy" Dave and Scott Mills' sidekick Mark "Chappers" Chapman running 1 mile at all 33 Premiership football grounds. Like the Chiles/Shearer bike ride, all of the fun was over with, but at least they were challenged to run an extra mile in the studio – with cash backing from 4 of the 5 multi-millionaires from Dragons' Den.

The excellent Apprentice Does Sport Relief was wrapped up by Sir Alan Sugar, with defeated men's team leader Lembit Opik choosing to bring Kelvin MacKenzie and Hardeep Singh Kohli back into the board room for Sir Alan to fire one of them. Hardeep (the dry-witted, insufferably smug one) was duly booted out, after plain-speaking MacKenzie rallied against him.

James Cracknell and David Walliams had done another physical feat (nearly a week ago) – where they swam the Strait Of Gibraltar from Europe to Africa. Walliams has already made a name for himself as a "Sport Relief legend" by swimming the English Channel in 2006, so the novelty factor wasn't quite so high this time. Still, the way the swim highlighted that "Africa is closer than you think" was nicely handled, and the clips of them swimming with whales were entertaining. But why not dedicate a whole special episode to it – instead of repeating Walliams' Channel swim at 1.30 am?

It’s 10pm, so time for a break. At 10:45, the show resumes under the guidance of Patrick Kielty and Claudia Winkleman (the most insane woman to ever grace a TVscreen). They announced the news that an anonymous donator has given Sport Relief an incredible £5.5 million! Sadly, the £5m was pledged minutes after Claudia mentioned she'd go naked for £70,000 – so I bet the mystery donator was kicking himself!

A "chat-off" next, with Jonathan Ross interviewing Sir Michael Parkinson. "The Grumble In The Jungle", as Ross put it. It was basically a shorter version of Ross' chat show, with the talk focusing on sport-related matters. Not bad, but the real problem with Sport Relief is its lack of pace. So, unless you were particularly interested in hearing Parky go on about his cricketing youth and thoughts about interviewing Muhammad Ali (for the zillionth time), there wasn't really much point.

Heading into the night, filler material started to arrive: Alan Carr mincing around the Arsenal ladies football training session. Annie Lennox playing piano. Duncan Bannatyne getting his mug on TV to plug Sport Relief and his own gyms. Angus Deayton "interviewing" clips of famous sportsmen on a giant screen to not-so-amusing effect. Ray Stubbs as one half of the Blues Brothers, etc.

But, tucked away around midnight was probably the night's best entertainment: GMTV presenter Ben Shepherd versus Rn'B singer Lemar in a celebrity boxing match! The training videos were good fun (Shepherd trained by Ricky Hatten, Lemar trained by Amir Khan) and the fight was entertaining – even if it did resemble a ridiculous pub car park brawl at times. But the atmosphere was there, the audience were packed full of more celebs than the Sport Relief studio, and we had sexy Kirsty Gallacher holding up the "Round" cards. But no bikini for her, sadly. This should have been on much earlier.

Jonathan Ross and Jimmy Carr appeared again, in a pre-recorded tennis match at the Royal Albert Hall. It was doubles: Ross and Greg Rusedski versus Carr and Pat Cash. It wasn't particularly funny or exciting to watch, sadly, but it filled some time.

Around 1 am, things got very desperate indeed: artists painting sporting celebs in a section called "Sport Portraits" ("Sportraits", surely?) and the god-awful sight of the wholly talentless Four Poofs & A Piano from Jonathan Ross' chat show doing a woeful rendition of "Let's Get Physical" in bright pink leotards. Not funny, badly sung, the backing track was too loud, the microphones weren't always working... real bottom of the barrel stuff.

The Top Gear Does Ground Force segment was bumped from the schedule (was it really worse than Four Poofs?), as the night drew to a close around 1.40 am. Kielty and Winkleman introduced some "outtakes" that needn't have been cut, before announcing the grand total raised on the night: £19,640,321! Hey, not bad -- but £5m of that was from some mystery millionaire, so it was actually £14 million from the common man. The blonde one from G Force sang "Nessun Dorma" (because of its World Cup connotations) to end the show.

So there you have it. You can't take away from the amazing amount of money these programmes generate for worthy causes, but Sport Relief is only just ahead of Children In Need -- in terms of entertainment value. The problem with Sport Relief on TV is that the fund-raising comes from daytime sporting activities performed earlier in the week, or about to be undertaken at the weekend. So Friday's TV show, sat in the middle of all the real fun and activities outside, has to rely on pre-recorded stuff – most of which is either awful, or just overstays its welcome.

There's also the problem that Comic Relief really feels like it's something Britain's comedians all get behind, and pull out all the stops to make a success. Whereas Sport Relief seems like the weak relation, to be carried by comedians/presenters – with sporty types reduced to guests. I heard it mentioned that the Premiership (a "Sport Relief friend") has agreed to donate around £230,000 over three years to the charity – which is actually a pittance in their multi-million pound world.

Oh well, it wasn’t too much of a shambles. The Apprentice and the celebrity boxing were good highlights... I applaud the efforts of Chiles, Shearer, Cracknell and Walliams... and Kielty and Winkleman did a better job at hosting than bland Lineker, screechy McCall and safe-hands Hammond. A few of the interludes showing the plight of African children and disabled people in the UK were also quite moving – but they always become a bit numbing after a few hours, especially if you've already donated.

Basically, unlike Comic Relief and Children In Need, Sport Relief (as its name suggests) demands that people go outside and do some physical activity to raise cash and have fun -- meaning watching a telethon and donating via telephone just can't compete.


14 March 2008
BBC1, 7.00-10.00 pm & 10.45-1.30am
donate.comicrelief.com/donation/

Cinema adverts and trailers

I'm one of those people who insist on turning up at my local ODEON for the adverts and trailers. I just can't intentionally arrive late like some people do, for fear of being lumbered with a bad seat or missing a trailer – which are sometimes the most exciting moments during a trip to the multiplex!

The adverts/trailers shown before Cloverfield a few nights ago were particularly memorable – for both good and bad reasons. They dragged on for 30 minutes, so that didn't go down well with anyone... but there were was some interesting stuff in the mix:

The Chris Moyles Show
A surprisingly funny advert for Moyles' radio show. It was just a black screen, with the disembodied voices of Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles and "Comedy Dave" trying to plug their weekday morning show – with the help of the Voice Over Man with the bombastic deep voice. Lots of fun, particularly when Voice-Over Man couldn't pronounced "one" properly. "Radio Wunnnn."

Doctor Who: Season 4 Trailer
A cinema exclusive, it seems. I really like the fact the BBC are proud enough of Doctor Who to give it a big trailer like this, although there wasn't anything that made me particularly excited about season 4. I suppose that giant wasp was pretty cool... but that was about it. There doesn't seem to be a Dalek/Cyberman equivalent in any of the trailers this time out – but maybe they're going to keep stuff secret this year? For once!

It was mostly interesting to realize Bernard Cribbins' character from the Voyage Of The Damned is actually Donna's "gramps"! Catherine Tate herself did little to quell my irritation that Donna is the Doctor's new companion. Her definitely character seems less brash and hostile, but a grinning middle-aged shrill cockney just isn't what I look for in a Who companion... and her wistfulness, staring up at the stars, pining for The Doctor, really bugged me. I'll give her a chance when the show starts in a few months, but I've yet to be persuaded this isn't a Bonnie Langford-style misstep for Russell T. Davies...

But anyway; there was great music throughout, Freema Agyeman looked sexy covered in slime, and there was a quick glimpse of Billie Piper. Yeah, she's definitely back -- but the crowd I was with groaned when Billie appeared, and someone muttered "it's shit, though" when the Doctor Who logo faded up. Pah! Not target audience...

Orange Film Advert: Snoop Dogg
I adore these Orange adverts. They've been running for years now and rarely fail to make me giggle. Amusing, clever and well-performed. This latest one focused on Snoop Dogg (referred to as "Huggie Bear"), and features lots of "fashnizzle/bizzle"-type gags at his expense. It wasn't one of the best Orange ads, but these are still treats.

Star Trek: Teaser
I've already reviewed this trailer here, but it was great to see it on the big-screen. It gave me a good vibe, primarily because it's the first Star Trek movie that actually looks epic. The scale/detail of the Enterprise eclipses anything that's gone before.

A brilliant tease for Trekkers... and there was no sniggering when it became "clear" it was a Star Trek film... although one person didn't realize and seemed to thing it was called BAD ROBOT (which is just J.J Abrams' production company, whose logo appeared at the very start!) Duhhhh.

Lynx advert
I really like the new Lynx aerosol ad, too -- where a grinning lothario made of chocolate goes about his business and has bits of his anatomy bitten off by women. It's a fun idea, but it really works because of the sheer lunacy of the chocolate man's smiling expression. Inspired.

Kermode vs. Isaacs

I'm a big fan of the weekly film podcast from Five Live, where Simon Mayo chews the fat with film critic Mark Kermode about the week's new cinema releases. It really is a great listen, as I love Kermode's rants and passion... even when he's clearly wrong...

Anyway, this week's podcast is essential listening for fans, as actor Jason Isaacs (a "friend of the show" they say "hello" to each week) is actually in the studio with them... and amusingly rallies against Kermode's dislike for certain things, like: Johnny Depp's performances in the Pirates trilogy and the quality of Christopher Columbus' work (as Isaacs worked with him on Harry Potter.) It's great to hear someone actually involved in the making of films take an opposing view with M.K, and the good-natured back-and-forth between them is definitely worth a listen.

Isaacs' general viewpoint on the film industry is also illuminating, although it's a shame he spends a big chunk of the podcast plugging his work near the end. Oh, and he says he liked the first Alien Vs. Predator film (seemingly because he's a friend of director Paul W.S Anderson...), so that lost him some respect... but otherwise, what a great guest!

And there's a second podcast from Simon Mayo this week -- containing Kermode's review of Cloverfield, which includes a good interview with director Matt Reeves. I should be seeing Cloverfield early next week, so stay tuned for my own review very soon...

Both podcasts are highly recommended.

Fashion police

A bit of a rant on fashion today.

It's linked to the media because I heard a fashion expert on Jo Whiley's Radio 1 show today, and it irritated me how the media lead people by the nose in this area. The whole fashion thing has always bothered me, actually. Intensely. I even hate Absolutely Fabulous.

Of course, nobody wants to be wearing old-fashioned stuff. Times change, new looks come in. But most people don't go shopping in time-machines, so whatever you buy in any shop is immediately "modern", isn't it? So just buy what you like the look of.

Speaking as a man, I've never been a sheep when it comes to fashion. I buy what looks good, suits me, and is comfortable to wear. It's called taste! You can be influenced by adverts, or notice stuff other people are wearing, but it's pretty much a case of browsing around a clothes shop and buying what looks good and fits. Or am I missing something?

The fact consumers exist who religiously follow the advice of "fashion gurus" like the one on Jo's radio show totally baffles me. At one stage, "the guru" (Angela) mentioned that 90s-era Twisted jeans are coming back into fashion, and Jo responded with a genuine: "Thank God, no more skinny jeans for men! They'll be glad about that!"

This implied that most men have been wearing skinny jeans "this season" and hating it... aching for fashion to evolve... and will now be breathing a sigh of relief they can wear their beloved Twisted jeans again. Do you know these people?! I haven't seen anyone wearing skinny jeans since 1992! And anyone who wears uncomfortable jeans just because they're fashionable is a certified plank!

Another comment was that girls will be basing their look this spring on Carrie Bradshaw (aka Sarah Jessica Parker) of Sex & The City Fame. Carrie apparently tends to wear big, 1950s-style prom skirts.

Okay; so young women in their twenties want to dress exactly like a fortysomething on TV, do they? Despite the fact Angela mentioned that Next stock a "prom skirt", I'm confident that this time next week, next month and next year, you'll never have seen anyone wearing one. Unless you go to a Sex & The City convention, or happen to know a preening simpleton who wears Jade Goody perfume and has a signed copy of Katie Price's autobiography.

I'm sorry, but I've just never believed fashion is something that should impact, control and then dominate your life. And no, I'm not a fashion disaster area decked out in tweed either. I'm a jeans/T-shirt kinda guy -- but nothing in my wardrobe screams "hideous" or "old-fashioned".

There are tonnes of clothes out there, loads of people to be inspired by, so why spend a year limping around in skinny jeans just because an overpaid fashionista told you its "the in thing"? Get some baggy jeans you feel comfortable wearing.

Remember: the trendsetters aren't the ones who wear whatever some woman off the radio tells them to! Lead the way.

Edith Bowman: Get off!

I usually shy away from saying I actually "hate" a celebrity. I don't really know any personally. I just have reactions based on their on-screen performances. Of course, some celebs are paid to "be themselves" on TV/radio, so perhaps you can hate those ones in good conscience. I'm not sure. Are you ever yourself on camera?

I'll still give every celeb the benefit of the doubt -- until I meet them face-to-face (as if that's likely), but I can't imagine liking one particular presenter: Edith Bowman.

Edith is a Radio One "D.J", with her own show every weekday afternoon. And I hate her. Sorry, but I do. She gets right up my nose, good and proper.

Why? Oh, let me count the ways:

1. Her accent. I have no problem with Scottish accents (I had one myself up until the age of 8, actually), but an annoying person is somehow twice as irritating to English ears if they're Scottish.

2. Her fake enthusiasm. I know she has to pretend to be really interested in everything, but Edith just can't make it sound natural. Her fake interest in callers' lives, or reactions to news are so OTT it's incredibly patronizing. Just recently she practically orgasmed when she heard film reviewer James King would be talking about Home Alone next Friday. Yeah, calm down, love...

3. Her "catchphrases". I say catchphrases, but they're really just verbal tics she uses to hide dead-air or make it sound like she's really enthusiastic about something trivial (see above). A solid 5 minutes rarely pass without her screaming "Yesss!", "Nice one!" or "Get in!" I cringe every single time.

4. Her stupidity. Edith's not the sharpest tool in the box -- which is fine. I don't profess to know everything either, but when she has a movie-themed hour and regularly shows up her surface-level knowledge... that pisses me off.

5. "Eh". Yes, she's Queen Of The Eh. She says it about 4 times every sentence, on a good day. Fellow D.J Sara Cox used to have this habit, too... but she's improved massively. Can Edith go on the same course, please? I know this is very picky, but once you notice she can't string together more than 7 words without pausing for a long "ehhh" it seriously winds you up.

I know; I should just turn off the radio, or only listen to Radio 2 in the afternoons until Edith goes off-air. But, besides the fact my work radio only picks up Radio One with any success, I have a masochistic desire to listen to Edith Bowman and quietly fume. It gives me something to do. That's what's most maddening.

Annoyingly, I need to hate her every afternoon. The only way to stop it is for Radio One to move her to night-time– as they did her one-time co-presenter Colin Murray.

My fingers are crossed.

When did Sara Cox get good?

Actually, I've known it for a while now, but it's worth blogging about today because Coxy has been filling in for Edith Bowman on Radio 1 this week.

In the 90s, during the "ladette phenomenon", I never rated Sara Cox (despite being a hormonal teenager and her tendency to appear semi-nude in FHM and Loaded.) She also had the misfortune to be the face of TV atrocity The Girly Show, before some unmemorable guest-presenting stints on The Big Breakfast. Still, I think everyone under-25 guest-presented The Big Breakfast at some stage back then!

Cox followed bessie mate Zoe Ball into radio, where her looks were no longer an asset, to takeover Radio 1's Breakfast Show from her drinking buddy. And, for the first year anyway, you could smell some talent in Coxy. Sadly, the nuggets of quality were drowned out by her repetitive style and annoying habit of saying "eh" every three seconds! So, after a strong start, her ratings dropped significantly and she politely "swapped shows" with Chris Moyles to front a weekday afternoon show, before being transferred elsewhere in the schedule...

But Coxy must have been to D.J school. I actually have an image of her trekking up a mountain to sit at the feet of radio legend the Hairy Cornflake... to be imparted his vast knowledge... then ignore all of it, grow up, have a baby, find a man, settle down and come back to the airwaves refreshed and invigorated. It may have happened exactly like that.

She's really, really good now. No, really. In fact, she's the best female D.J on Radio 1 -- which may be faint praise given her competition is middle-aged, name-dropping Jo Whiley and the amateur fake enthusiast Edith Bowman -- but there you are. She should replace either of those two, permanently.

Go on, give Coxy a go. She doesn't rely on the "zoo-style" of Moyles and Mills to fill dead air, or have games/gimmick as backup. She's just learned how to link to music with amusing stories and funny comments on life's foibles. The improvement is quite startling, yet her style remains familiar and inclusive.

Oh, and there's not an "eh" to be heard anywhere! Well, until Edith "eh" Bowman comes back. Maybe we can pack Bowman off to see the Hairy Cornflake?

BBC RADIO 1 - The Daily DJ's

I was never a big radio listener in my youth -- so no tales of eagerly recording the Top 40 onto cassette tape, or anything like that. But that all changed in 1997 when I started full-time work and radio became the background sound to my working day.

As with all young men I was conditioned by the media and friends to listen to BBC Radio 1. I'll admit that now, at the still spritely age of 27, I have begun to delve into the world of BBC 2 for Steve Wright In The Afternoon and The Chris Evans Show, but Radio 1 is still, er, number 1! There aren't many radio show reviews on the internet, so I just thought I'd share my views on the current Radio 1 daily line-up.

7 am - 10 am: The Chris Moyles Breakfast Show

The flagship Radio 1 Breakfast Show, now enjoying massive ratings (only narrowly pipped to the post by Radio 2's Terry Wogan) after the departure of Sara Cox a few years back.

Chris Moyles' motormouth attitude, sometimes abrasive behaviour to listeners and disparaging remarks to guests isn't to everyone's taste, but personally I find him the most enjoyable breakfast listen at the moment.I was a fan of his fantastic afternoon show, and the Breakfast Show hasn't really changed the hit formula. The show has the best production team backing its host, with Chris' longtime sidekick "Comedy Dave" particularly amusing, along with the high-quality of celebrity guests that the flagship show attracts.

The only thing that can frustrate me about the show is the reliance on studio banter to fuel everything. While the banter is undoubtedly a highlight most of the time, it's unfortunate that the show doesn't have more genuinely involving games/quizes/competitions to sustain itself. Those it does have are okay (again, typically lending themselves to banter -- as with the Monday Night Pub Quiz) but when there is the occassional clunker it seems to take months to drop a crap feature! One such example is the recent Beep Beep Busters, a spoof of Blockbusters using audio clips of Roy Walker. This is a weak follow-up to Carpark Catchphrase, but is still lingering in the schedule...

But overall, the combination of a strong team, frequently funny banter, top quality guests and Chris' love-it-or-hate-it style is a winner in my books!

Rating: 4 / 5


10 am - 1 pm: Jo Whiley
Jo Whiley is the longest-serving Radio 1 presenter in the daytime, and her show is a more relaxed affair. Typically it features entertainment news (including movie reviews with James King), and the celebrated Live Lounge with the musical stars occassionally singing some great cover tracks.

There is the odd competition sprinkled throughout, and a celebrity guest interview at midday (usually) but the show is mainly dominated by Jo, who comes across as a very old-school DJ. Undoubtedly a nice person with a relaxed style and genuine love of music, but also too safe and repetitive for my taste.

Rating: 2.5 / 5


1 pm - 4 pm: Colin & Edith

The newest additions to Radio 1, Colin Murray and Edith Bowman, host the early afternoon show with the emphasis on interactivity with listeners and chat usually aimed at those who remember 70's/80's retro TV, music and film.

On paper this should be a show aimed squarely at me, really, but Colin and Edith's faux sexual chemistry just leaves me cold. The fact both presenters have strong accents (Colin, Irish; Edith, Scottish) also means listening to them isn't the most relaxing thing to do and their vocals can quickly become irritating. Particularly when you notice home many times Edith says "eh" in a sentence. I counted 5 times in a single sentence once!

Both are relatively new to radio, having done TV work previously (and currently) so there are also lots of moments that just show up their inexperience with the format. The competitions and "chemistry" throughout the show is never very memorable, meaning the show only really raises a chuckle when they mention some facet of pop-culture from the 80's that strikes a chord with me...

Rating: 2 / 5


4 pm - 7 pm: Scott Mills

For many, Scott is the natural successor to the Breakfast Show whenever Moyles leaves. He has definitely earned his stripes deputizing the role for years, and even got his Radio 1 start on Early Breakfast before 6 am.

Scott's show is dominated by practical jokes, spoof phone calls, and unique features/games that listeners tend to embrace (the best example being Laura's Diary, wherein team member Laura had her school love-life exposed to the nation in daily chunks).

There's no denying the quality and quantity of fresh material in Scott's show. He's clearly someone in love with the possibilities and fun you can have on radio, and perhaps speaks to the younger demographic better than any other DJ in daytime.

However, the downside to Scott's show is that the team dynamic is decidely low. Scott's usual sidekick is sports reporter "Chappers" who proves good value most of the time, but only rarely offers flashes of brilliance for Scott to riff on. The rest of the team are pushed into the background by the number of phone calls and games, with only Laura coming to the fore recently as "comedy stooge" in light of her diary features' popularity.

Rating: 3 / 5


Overall, Radio 1 during the daytime is in a bit of a state. Thankfully Moyles and Mills bookend the day in fine style (in the crucial timeslots most people listen to while travelling), but the mid-section of Whiley, Colin and Edith let everything down.

Whiley is just too straightlaced and old-hat these days. Strangely, Sara Cox (who I hated on The Breakfast Show) has occassionally filled in for Jo to excellent effect. It's always interesting when another DJ performs better with another show's format. Cox has clearly improved since her days on Breakfast during her weekend shows.

As for Colin and Edith? I preferred a dose of surrealism from Mark & Lard in the afternoons a few years ago, but C&E's real fault lies in their inability to craft a worthwhile show. Colin is quite quick-witted s, while Edith is just the amiable presence to back him up. Whoever decides their show's format needs to shake things up with some decent features and games.

So there you have it, Radio 1 circa mid-2006. I have no idea what happens after 6 p.m -- as far as I can tell Zane Lowe shouts a lot and there's an overuse of Bangra music!